Getting over a breakup. What helped you ?

[Sad4EverMore]

Well, it's a little over a week on since I was dumped out the blue.
It was only a 5 month relationship but in that time I was so happy!

It's been a shit time for so many years other than these last 5 months.
I didn't even feel this crap when I managed to break away from abusive xh, just relief!

I'm not eating, not sleeping very well and drinking too much of an evening. Feel panicky and sick most of the time and like i'm running on adrenaline. Can't concentrate on work and just feel like i'm on auto pilot for the dc's.

Surely it will pass soon?
What helped you get back on your feet and start to feel positive about life again if you've ever been in same situation? I hate feeling like this

[handslikecowstits]

Talking to friends, keeping busy and most of all: time.

Sorry, OP.

[ToTheLeft]

Well, it's such a cliche but time was the biggest healer. I found the first two weeks are the worst and then it gets a tiny bit easier each day after but would sometimes have a bad day, as bad as in those first two weeks.

Other things that helped:
I kept a journal. It was a place to vent and I could look back and see that I'd improved over time when I couldn't see it day to day. Later on, I allowed myself to cry only when filling in the journal.

Keeping busy. I think this is essential. Keep
Yourself preoccupied so you don't have time to think about things too much.

Take up a new hobby or activity. A good boost for self esteem and also helps with the keeping busy.

Reading self help books. It's called a breakup because it's broken was good and quite humorous. Also baggage reclaim website.

Understanding the stages of grief and accepting that I would have to go through them all and that what I was feeling was normal.

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so badly op. It's awful going through a breakup. Keep posting if you find it useful and I hope my suggestions might help also.

[Sad4EverMore]

Thanks hands I wish I had some single friends, all my friends are married and don't have much time.

Thanks also ToTheLeft some great advice. I'm sure I'll feel a bit better by this time next week. It really does help being on here. I love reading and will have a look at your suggestions.

[Joy69]

Talking to non judgemental friends, planning nice trips in advance so that I always had something to look forward to ( inexpensive theatre trips, smuggled drinks,snacks in) Logging into Mumsnet.
Probably most of all planning what I want to do in the house in terms of having things in my own personal taste, not a compromise. Just little inexpensive things like new mugs etc.
It will get easier. Keep looking forward, not back at what has happened xxx

[Burgerbobismydad]

Time (sorry). Keep busy, and if it helps, get angry at him. Go on some dates!

[RatherBeRiding]

Taking it a day at a time. Concentrating on the here and now rather than obsessing over what had been and grieving over the future that wasn't going to be.

Keeping busy - really busy. Something with a purpose - housework, gardening etc. I could see where I had been and had made a difference and that helped me feel I had achieved something today even if it was only a weed-free garden!

Treating myself. A nice meal at home. A new pair of shoes.

Getting angry definitely helps in the break-up process too!

[TheNaze73]

A female colleague of mine always says, if you want to get over someone, get under someone. Not sure I'd totally agree with that!

Personally, I'd focus my energies into things you like, remember you're the prize and no bloke is worth losing weight over

[Thesmallthings]

How to get over some one? Get under some one else.

[Slowdecrease]

Keep busy and also glam yourself up, take your best ever selfie, get on Tinder, lap up the compliments.

[slimochuda]

I agree that being nice to yourself is a key part of the recovery. Clearly it isn't compulsory to be in a relationship, in fact look positively that you are proving this every second you continue to positively live and enjoy your life, or even in the more difficult moments. I was bereft for a short time following the end of a 3 year relationship. After that I focused on my work and started to actually enjoy identifying myself as single when people asked me about it. It will no doubt be a big surprise to some people you are single and that in itself is a confidence-booster. Hope you feel better soon

[Sad4EverMore]

You lot are great! Thanks for all the lovely advise.

I did need to lose a few pounds so the heartbreak diet has done me some good

Would love to meet someone else pretty soon I think as after years of being single, (and mostly content that way as thought xh had put me off men for life!) being in a fun, good relationship has made me realise what I'm missing. I think in my case getting under someone else would help as pp's said

Part of me is stupidly hoping we'll get back together & hoping that feeling passes quick as I know I'll be over him then.

House needs decorating and garden needs lots of attention once weather is better so will be getting busy.

[Trills]

I chose vodka. And Chaka Khan.

[Littlecaf]

Time.

And gin.

And really good friends.

[BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate]

Dating again. Speaking to new men.

[meatliqour]

Read "it's called a break up because it's broken"

Complete no contact

And time

[00opopop00]

Focusing on my DS even though sometimes I felt like having a glass of wine rather than cuddling him or reading a story.

I was determined that the breakup would not tarnish his childhood, not sap the joy from his life. Sometimes I was just going through the motions with him but I hope he never knew that.

Gradually his love helped me come out the other side, but if i hadn't shaken myself out of heartbreak mode I might have pushed him away and he would have been able to help me as he did.

Your DC need you; make sure they know you love them and want them.

[Sad4EverMore]

Thanks 000pop Yes, the dc have only had me for almost 7 yrs. Exh chose no contact, we have been a great little team the 3 of us. I don't want them affected by all this fresh crap. They were very young when h and I split. This was my first meaningful relationship since then. Hoping I'm not alone for another 7 years now!

[Sad4EverMore]

Littlecaf is the tipple of choice! Funnily enough having a few wines makes me feel so much more optimistic. I've never been one to become maudlin with alcohol though!

[chickentikkasarnie]

For me it's depended on the breakup and the severity and circumstances of it.

It never worked for me to start seeing someone else or get attention from others, which just made me feel more sad and alone realising it wasn't the person I really wanted.

I think various thing helped me...

focussing on my DC
posting on mumsnet
talking to friends
crying and getting it out
really spending time with people that loved me
doing new and fun things
nurturing myself with little things like bubble baths
spring cleaning the house and chucking old clothes
new haircut and making the best of myself

Just generally allowing myself to feel sad and bad, but then reminding myself that if things are meant for you they don't go by you. Or that the real "love of my life" was never going to be the one that had me crying.

That all said, my most painful breakup I couldn't really do any of that and instead just slumped into a depression because even with the best intentions sometimes life knocks us down.

Sorry you are in pain, I know how much it hurt when something that makes you happy goes away, and I also just broke up about three weeks ago from a 5 month relationship from a man I was deeply in love with and happy with because he was "shopping around" on dating websites. It was very hard, hurt me very much and I am still moping somewhat.

That said I am making as many plans as I can to see friends and go to new places and trying to fill up life with happy experiences.

I often sneak into DCs bed for a wee cuddle when he's sleeping and smell his hair and remind myself that I am very loved by the people that matter and my destiny will not and cannot ever be tied to anyone who would lie to me, leave me, not appreciate me or fail to give to me what I deserve.

I keep the faith life doesn't work like that and hope you can too

xx

[Sad4EverMore]

chicken your post has just made me cry, so very wise and true. You sound really strong and like you've got your head screwed on right.

Yes, I believe that what is meant for you won't pass you by, so hard to see that at the moment and keep questioning myself and over thinking how things could have been different.

[chickentikkasarnie]

Oh yes darling it does bloody hurt and of course you think things through over and over because it's so hard to meet someone we like and we build a picture in our minds of a future together and it's so hard to let go.

Also hard to feel rejected and not good enough and picking ourselves apart. It's horrible! That's why there are support forums and films about it and books about it and songs about it and hypnotists and counsellors. If it were easy we'd not have any of that.

I think with anything, you just have to accept the pain you feel at the loss of anything is just part of you having loved and cared about that thing - so it's the tradeoff we make when we have joyful things in our lives and open ourselves to vulnerability.

I know how it feels, and I might sound strong but believe me I am moping. I had a lovely evening with old friends last night which gave me a boost but I did come home and felt this aching lonliness and I think it just takes time.

You will feel better! And when Mr Right comes along you'll never have to go through disappointments and rejections with him

[Aussiebean]

Having some really gorgeous guy walk past and realising that you are available

[MildlyIrritated]

Hang on to the thought that you won't always feel like this.
Good luck