I think I just need to write it down to get my head around it all but some advice/perspective from others would be helpful.
At 15 (almost 16) I had a boyfriend with an older brother. Through this brother my bf and I met an older man (34) with similar interests to us.
He seemed very nice and we went to his house a few times as he was advising my bf on a motorbike he was doing up.
After a few weeks he started turning his attention to me. I can't really think of examples but I now realise he was grooming me.
He was very persuasive and made me feel attractive and mature. Somehow I ended up sitting in his room topless as a 'bet' for which he gave me a jar full of money. My bf was there at the time so I think we just laughed along.
A few weeks later he took me home from the pub on the back of his bike and took me to an empty car park where he asked me to show him my boobs again. He filmed this on a camcorder.
I later told my bf who confronted him and made him delete the film.
For some stupid reason I didn't keep my distance and before long I was being persuaded to go to his house or garage to either 'pose' for him (he was a wannabe photographer) or let him touch me. He would always pay me afterwards.
I started having sex with him for money. I always wondered what he got out of it as I never enjoyed it and I wouldn't kiss him or touch him. I now see that that was exactly what got him off, my passivity.
Stupidly as I was from a poor family, I kept going back as I wanted/needed the money.
I finally stopped seeing him when I was 20 yo.
It hasn't bothered me until recently, but I'm now playing things over in my head and realising that I was being used and abused by him. I think I fooled myself into thinking I was the one in control of the situations.
I don't really know how to deal with the feelings this is bringing up at the moment.
Sorry that was long.
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Trying to get my head round some things that happened when I was younger. Long sorry.
9 replies
UntilTheCowsComeHome · 03/03/2016 17:15
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