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How do you deal with the logistics of leaving a long term relationship?

(10 Posts)
willowcatkin111 Thu 03-Mar-16 12:34:22

OH and I have been dodgy for a while but I really feel it is time to separate - I am not well and his attitude is making me worse. I struggle to look after myself but he goes away for work for days and leaves me to cope with the dc which is bad for all of us. He then complains / rants / raves on his return if the house is untidy etc. I know it probably sounds mad but what really gets me is when he posts on fb about being a mug or people taking advantage of him when I know full well he means me. He doesn't seem to get that I cannot help being ill and thinks just because I am home all day I should do all the housework, look after dcs etc when it is a struggle to even get out of bed sad
So - how on earth do I go about leaving? The logistics seem a nightmare. Should I find a place to rent, and if so how do pay the rent? What haven't I thought of that needs doing?

bb888 Thu 03-Mar-16 12:39:07

Is it his house? If shared would he leave in order that the children don't have to?

willowcatkin111 Thu 03-Mar-16 12:54:44

Joint house but I am going alone, dcs will stay I cannot look after them. I don't want to stay here.

Marchate Thu 03-Mar-16 15:18:14

Willow, be careful before making a drastic decision. You are feeling low now, but you may soon regret leaving your children

Your husband is treating you disrespectfully. Shouting and ranting is no way to behave

You will need people to help you through this bad time. Can you speak to your GP? I also think you should phone Women's Aid for advice. At the very least, look at their website x

rememberthetime Thu 03-Mar-16 15:41:03

Chances are that whenyyou leave looking after the kids will seem easier. One less thing to stress you. Is your illness such that you really are unable to look after them? Can you look after yourself Ok?

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate Thu 03-Mar-16 16:03:44

So who will look after your children?

Bree85 Thu 03-Mar-16 17:35:19

Why would you want to leave your children? They need their mummy.

Pinkheart5915 Thu 03-Mar-16 17:43:46

Think very carefully before walking away and leaving your children, it could be a decision you live to regret.
Also think carefully before you walk away from the house you co own.
If your partner goes away a lot for work, will he manage to look after the children and maintain his job ?
Where will you be going? Is there no way the children could come with you? Do you have any family you could go to?

Morasssassafras Thu 03-Mar-16 17:43:47

Have you had any sort of occupational health /care assessment? If not then contact your local council who should be able to point you in the right direction. I think you should also try to speak to your gp about how you are feeling.

I understand why you feel leaving alone would be for the best but I think it's something you really need to talk through with professionals who can advise what help is available. I assume you are already claiming disability benefits? Esa, pip, dla etc.

Access to the proper help may make you reconsider your options.

willowcatkin111 Fri 04-Mar-16 18:27:56

Thanks all. Spoke to dh today and it seems the fb posts were about something completely different blush
We also talked about how hard I find it and how useless I feel and more particularly how I am dreading him going away for 10 days next week. He is going to arrange for a friend (who is an excellent cook) to come over a couple of times with provisions and also for the doc to go to Grannie's one day (they are least than keen but it won't hurt them for once).
Spoke to my CMHT about it too and she has suggested plan meals etc for the time and make sure they are either ready in the freezer or need minimal prep; we are also going to use disposable plates and cutlery to keep the workload down.
Feeling a bit more positive and less overwhelmed by it all. Still wish I could 'escape' but I know the CMHT are against that so will try to stick it out for a bit longer.

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