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I feel like a horrible person

(13 Posts)
Herewegoagain909 Thu 03-Mar-16 07:56:12

I feel really horrible to say this but my dh just can't give me what I want sexually. He would rather have a wank he never makes time for us. When he does its over in minutes and I never get satisfaction. I haven't orgasmed for over a year. I try so hard for him but get little back. I think he might have a porn
problem? I know he's not cheating but things like that have occurred in the past. I feel like shit I feel like I'm missing out?

WhoWants2Know Thu 03-Mar-16 08:08:54

Thta's a tough one. Are you able to talk to him about it? How are things in the rest of your relationship? Generally, I would hope that in a caring couple, each person would want to make sure their partner was fulfilled.

RiceCrispieTreats Thu 03-Mar-16 08:11:48

You aren't a horrible person. You are a person who has noticed that her needs are not being met.

Have a conversation where you tell him what you need. See if he's willing to put in more effort.

If he is, great. If he's not, don't feel like a horrible person for dumping him: you are allowed to have needs, and to say "nope!" To a relationship where those needs are not met.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Thu 03-Mar-16 08:14:07

Having needs does not make you a horrible person. Can you talk about it with him?

TheNaze73 Thu 03-Mar-16 08:20:47

What type of conversations have you had with him about it? You are far from being a horrible person, you have needs & he isn't being fair. No wonder you're feeling that bad, it's the ultimate rejection I think. You need to be direct & tell him how it's making you feel. It can't go on and something will have to give. I would confront sooner rather than later as this will make you continually miserable

Herewegoagain909 Thu 03-Mar-16 09:32:41

I've spoken to him many times he says he's trying but I don't really see how he is. On an odd occasion he will try other ways if sex doesn't do it, sometimes I end up crying cause I can't reach orgasm with him. He's always watched a lot of porn and we both work a lot indifferent shifts him nights me days so we don't see each other much but when we do have a bit time together we rarely have sex, I have a huge sex drive too compared to him. We biccer a lot about it.

Isetan Thu 03-Mar-16 10:29:35

Oh dear OP what are you doing? He's cheated in the past, he watches a lot of porn and when you do have sex he's a lazy lover. Your relationship problems are greater than not reaching climax.

Herewegoagain909 Thu 03-Mar-16 14:57:54

I don't know sad I just long to feel wanted and be a sexual desire of his but I'm not. Porn is. I'd never cheat but I think I should leave to find someone who wants me.

Jan45 Thu 03-Mar-16 16:16:09

Yuck, he prefers to have sex with a porn video, says it all really, no, it's not just about not being able to climax, it's about feeling you are in a real committed relationship, you're not, he's feeding you scraps to shut you up, time to have a really long chat and if he still insists on behaving like a 12 year old boy, you maybe want to consider finding an actual man that wants to partake in a normal healthy sex life with you.

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate Thu 03-Mar-16 16:25:02

What Jan45 said. If he can't/won't change, dump and move on. Life is too short for this shite.

Herewegoagain909 Thu 03-Mar-16 16:42:57

I hate to say this and this is probably why I'm still here I just don't know how to leave someone I married 'for life' I'm still young (30) I feel I would look very foolish? I do agree he's acting like a school boy I think he must just be that way he's never had a long term relationship by the sounds of it ( he doesn't talk much about past) just a few short relationships he said so I think he mustn't understand how to act? I only found out about the porn habit once we married.

Bree85 Thu 03-Mar-16 17:25:25

I think what you are missing is the connection. Why not have quality time together with him? Maybe that can help. A short vacation. A little romance. smile

Destinysdaughter Thu 03-Mar-16 17:35:01

Life's too short for bad sex OP! And you're young, you could easily find someone to give you the sex life you want and deserve. You don't sound connected as a couple and he doesn't really try does he? I'd cut my losses and go personally, it's not going to get any better sadly. And you're not a horrible person but you are fundamentally incompatible.

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