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...get out clause?!

(9 Posts)
clashofclanswidow Wed 02-Mar-16 17:23:49

In brief, 28 weeks pregnant and was left at 20 weeks pregnant. Ex is now with another woman (from 23 weeks) We already had a toddler together.

I think, considering whats happened that I'm doing quite well! I'm focusing on myself and the steps I need to take to provide a stable future for my girls etc.

However I still have bad days, today is one of those as I have been overthinking again! It's probably just a combination of things I have been reading on mumsnet lately but I think I need a bit of hand-holding today!

I don't know why I have suddenly started thinking this...but he told me the reason he left was that he didn't love me anymore, just as a Mother to his daughter and we weren't really a couple anymore.

I understand this is a line often used between people and no-one should really remain in a loveless relationship for the sake of children, people deserve to be happy.

I also get it's easy to blame the man because he's dumped all his responsibilities on me but today I can't seem to shake the thought of

"Was I that awful to live with that he couldn't stick around for his unborn baby?!"

I didn't think we were that unhappy tbh, maybe I was blind/naive to it? I know he has done a shitty thing really and rather now than when she was born, as I'm sure that would've probably been worse.

But I can't help but think surely it must have been a big decision to walk out on his little family and why would he have done that lightly unless things were really, really bad between us?

I know I am better off without and wouldn't take him back anyway now, after what I have gone through but I suppose I hadn't thought about it this way before?!

It's easy to judge a man badly for dumping his kids but would he have really left if things were like I thought?

Sorry to sound whingy, I shouldn't care about his side of things. As I said above, today is just a "struggle day" and need a big of hand-holding xx

RandomMess Wed 02-Mar-16 17:28:25

He was probably thinking with his dick not his brain - it does sound as though the new partner was in the pipeline before he decided to leave!!!

clashofclanswidow Wed 02-Mar-16 17:36:13

I wonder if she was to be honest and that's why he resented us as a couple at the end - because she was something new.

I know he was pictured with her before our second scan so it is possible but I just assumed they were friends on a night out.

Even then he said he wasn't planning on meeting her and blah blah blah but it's not her that I care about - he could be with anyone now as far as I'm concerned - it's that he walked out on us.

But yes, I suppose maybe that's what triggered it, when put that way as the revelation he didn't love me etc came after they had started their relationship xx

Hassled Wed 02-Mar-16 17:40:08

You say it must have been a big decision - but not necessarily. Some people really are that shallow and thoughtless that such a significant decision can be barely thought about at all - he could just have well have decided you weren't the one and that was that. You may be crediting him with more consideration than he actually gave.

You've had a hell of a time of it and of course you're going to have whingy, over-thinking days. There's a lot to get your head around and you can't really move on until you understand what was going through his head. But the truth is that it could well that be not much was going through his head.

Suddenlyseymour Wed 02-Mar-16 17:44:22

Sadly i think it's almost a certainty she was on the scene long before you broke up; don't kid yourself she was "just a friend" on a night out....he's coming out with "the script"

clashofclanswidow Wed 02-Mar-16 17:51:48

Yes I think you must be right and even if he was feeling bad about us, this must have been made a lot easier by the fact he had "prospects"

It makes more sense that way now it's out of my head and written down xx

Halftruth Wed 02-Mar-16 18:06:49

Im still trying to get my head around things . and it is inwardly im looking too ... Is there something that is unlovable about me .am i too focus on the future..instead of the here and now ... Maybe im just too different for other people i don't know ...

clashofclanswidow Wed 02-Mar-16 18:19:25

Halftruth, I think it's possible that we invested to much of ourselves/relied on these people too much rather than being happy in ourselves most of all.

I think I got so wrapped up in providing my daughter with everything she needed, that in the end this extended to my ex also and I was taken advantage of. I found myself way at the bottom of the food chain, so to speak.

If anything I have learnt through this it's that we need to be happy with ourselves first and foremost (makes providing my daughters with the best possible also).

Ironically I was very happy until I met him 6 years ago, bar a little bit overweight! I just didn't see what was happening until it was too late!

In the early days of our split I felt I had completely lost myself but I'm slowly rebuilding my life and my own happiness and soul-searching like you say for how I can achieve that and then stupid thoughts like "was it really me?!" hopefully won't enter my head again!

I hope you find your happiness xx

Halftruth Wed 02-Mar-16 18:36:02

You too . life has a strange way of working itself out. .. I can only change me myself and i ... And personally i prefere bigger set women, there far more womenly and feminine. . . i no i will accept it ... When im ready ... Shine on

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