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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

boyfriend emailing ex dates??

19 replies

nappyrat · 02/03/2016 13:21

Is it ever ok for a guy to email / chat to ex dates? Is there ever an innocent reason for this?
The emails are dull enough, and initiated by the her (they met twice for dinner when we were split up) but I just wonder why he'd bother if he was genuinely happy & fulfilled in our relationship.
Maybe it's just me projecting....if someone is been on 2 dinner dates emailed me, I wouldn't bother responding unless I was interested in rekindling things.
Maybe he is flattered by the attention.

OP posts:

Report

Kanewreck · 02/03/2016 13:37

Are they friends?

Summerlovinf · 02/03/2016 13:39

Either they are friends or he's hedging his bets

Getit · 02/03/2016 13:40

Don't trust him
He should not be doing that

TheNaze73 · 02/03/2016 14:07

There is absolutely no reasons at all why he should be doing it. Is everything ok with your relationship?

LobsterQuadrille · 02/03/2016 14:07

Sounds as if he's keeping his options open. Does she know that you're back together?

MissBattleaxe · 02/03/2016 14:11

I wouldn't like this. It's not as if they're lifelong friends. he's been on two dates, so yes, he's keeping his options open.

CityMole · 02/03/2016 14:18

It depends on his intentions, and that might not be easy to infer from the content and tone of the emails. How did you find out he had sent these emails?

nappyrat · 02/03/2016 15:48

I think he's hedging too - things have been a bit mixed with us (lots of complicating factors) & we were off for a bit (initiated by me) & his response was to get a few dates in after I ended it.
He is very good at people / relationships with people - always likes to leave things well, never likes confrontation or unpleasantness. He says it is no trouble to reply to an email & he'd rather do that than offend someone.
My point is that it upsets me therefore id rather he didn't do it.
But I guess perhaps I should respect his POV.
All boils down to trust I suppose, & for a number of reasons this is lacking slightly.
:(
Wish it wasn't.

OP posts:

nappyrat · 02/03/2016 15:52

Kane they are not friends no

OP posts:

nappyrat · 02/03/2016 16:00

City - I found out by snooping (shame, I know) but in the past he has told me after I asked him to proactively tell me about these things.
I know I sound like a control freak but he had an affair a few years ago (before we met, he was married).

OP posts:

IamlovedbyG · 02/03/2016 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pocketsaviour · 02/03/2016 16:07

He is very good at people / relationships with people - always likes to leave things well, never likes confrontation or unpleasantness. He says it is no trouble to reply to an email & he'd rather do that than offend someone.

I have some sympathy with this and if it's just someone he had a couple of dates with but didn't click with, I wouldn't have an issue. If they slept together I might feel a bit though.

He's your partner though and you know him best. If things still feel a bit iffy then it's no surprise you're feeling insecure. Could it be that you think you've made a mistake in getting back together?

MissBattleaxe · 02/03/2016 17:09

If it's early days and you're having doubts now, then leave him and find someone you know you can trust.

If these women are past dates, why is he so worried about offending them? he's not worried about offending you!

Choceclair123 · 02/03/2016 17:57

I think he needs to review his priorities if he'd rather offend you than some random ex date.

Slowdecrease · 02/03/2016 23:41

Why did you end it?

HotNatured · 03/03/2016 13:21

Well I'm currently in a relationship, and I have just been texting my ex, who I was with for 3 months. We were texting about Trump, what's going on in current affairs and where he wants to move house to. We have also planned to go to see a play together in April. We didn't work out romantically but we get on well as friends. There is nothing else in it. However, I am trustworthy and my boyfriend knows that.

SoThatHappened · 03/03/2016 14:33

One of my boyfriends did this with someone he had a couple of dates with before meeting me.

He cheated on me with her and now they're married.

But of course it was innocent he said

nappyrat · 03/03/2016 14:42

Slow - I ended it because I wasn't sure about ending my last relationship. So from his POV, I'm a bit of a shaky bet.
I sort of feel we both have good reason to not completely trust the other. :( and clearly that's not good.

OP posts:

Slowdecrease · 03/03/2016 15:58

That's kind of what I thought. Neither of you seem fully able to invest by the looks.

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