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Asking MN for advice on behalf of my DS. He is 25 and has never had a girlfriend.

(18 Posts)
singingsongbird Sun 28-Feb-16 14:53:31

Hi all,
I've just recently had a heart-to-heart chat with my adult DS. He is feeling a bit despondent about his lack of success in finding a girlfriend. He has said he feels like the odd one out amongst his friendship circle because he is the only one who hasn't currently got a partner. Most of his friends are settling down, getting married and having children and, while he is happy for them, he feels he is missing out. He has told me that he feels his life won't be complete unless he gets a girlfriend. He has also said he is worried that he will end up being sad and lonely without a wife or partner when he gets old.

He has a fairly stable life. He works full-time and he is well thought of in his workplace. He goes to the gym and takes good care of himself. He has no MH issues or health problems. I think he just lacks confidence talking to women socially. He has friends and family who love him but obviously that's a different kind of love than the kind you receive from a partner. He has never experienced it. I just feel so very sorry for him. Are there any suggestions or pointers I could give him?

FannyFanakapan Sun 28-Feb-16 14:56:25

how does he meet women - work, social clubs, shared interests, dating websites, church, pubs and clubs - he should be trying all these.

Arfarfanarf Sun 28-Feb-16 14:57:05

He should try online dating.
There are apparently so many utter turds out there with terrible attitudes and sending constant cock shots that i am sure a genuine guy like your son would be a breath of fresh air and have no trouble finding dates.

scarlets Sun 28-Feb-16 15:11:59

I know a guy like this who is 41. I socialise with him and I've noticed that never talks to women, so of course he never gets to the date stage. I'm wondering if your son ever talks to single women on nights out, at work functions, or at the gym, because just "being out and about" won't get him to the next stage.

Do his friends' girlfriends have friends/sisters he could meet for a blind date?

SoThatHappened Sun 28-Feb-16 15:18:12

The gym is good to keep fit but I have found, is not a good place to meet people. People do their classes or work out and go home, they don't really talk.

If he is fit and well he should try sports. Like indoor climbing centres for example. Join a beginners course, start going regularly, make new friends male and female, maybe start going on climbing trips away.

Or maybe canoeing / kayaking which is great fun.

He should also try online dating.

SoThatHappened Sun 28-Feb-16 15:18:47

I was like him at his age, scared to talk and lacked confidence. I am now 37. Still alone.

inlectorecumbit Sun 28-Feb-16 18:09:22

I will give him DD2's phone number grin

inlectorecumbit Sun 28-Feb-16 18:14:28

Youngsters (l am an oldie obv) tend to do a lot of socialising by text or FB, perhaps his confidence could be increased that way - not necessarily by online dating or tinder.
DD1 went out for the day with a newly divorced young workmate of mine- he was very shy and scared of being on the dating scene. They spent the day just talking her giving him pointers on chat up lines etc. They remain friends but both are now married to other people and both expecting their 2nd DC

Kez100 Sun 28-Feb-16 18:26:33

Another vote for OLD. My DD, albeit younger, doesn't like pubs or clubs and has been extremely busy with study. In addition, she likes to build friendships rather than fall for them fast so (as far as I know) had no boyfriends and definitely no special ones

She has now met someone online and in real life. They had been speaking for months and it had become virtually daily and then, one night, she was let down by a girl friend on a dinner date (due to her mum being taken ill) and he said "Don't cancel. I'm coming" he drove 3 hours to see her! And three home after! She paid for dinner.

That was three months ago and they are now an item. Whether it will last remains to be seen but it seems a nice way to get a social life if you are a home bird.

And so long as he follows all the sensible OLD rules it sounds a fun way to meet new people.

Owllady Sun 28-Feb-16 18:31:03

Quite a few of my friends have only started settling down. We are 37/38! So I don't think it's that unusual
I'd encourage him to do stuff he enjoys.

SquadGoals Sun 28-Feb-16 18:34:23

I'm 26 and hardly any of my male friends are in settled relationships. I can't remember the last time any of them introduced me to a girlfriend!

Of my friends who have settled down in the past two years, it's mainly been through Tinder and OLD.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Sun 28-Feb-16 18:41:49

Du was 37 when we got together and prior to me had only had a six month relationship. Nothing wrong with him but he was/is quiet and not very confident with women.

So there is plenty of time but I would agree about about social clubs. Funny someone has mentioned climbing and canoeing clubs. I met Dh via a climbing club and dated quite a few guys I met via the club. A friend of mine is in a canoeing club and it's like a den of inequity with the goings on!

Can the girlfriends of his friends introduce him to any of their single friends?

Allalonenow Sun 28-Feb-16 18:53:36

Twenty five is still quite young for a man to be in a long term relationship or starting a family, so you should mention that to him.

He could start dance classes as one way of meeting women, it will also build his confidence up. Ceroc classes are good for forming social links.

Cookery classes will be full of women to meet, and he will learn a life skill along the way.

Meet-up groups on some topic that he is interested in might help, they are not a dating service, just like minded people, (Google their website)

Choirs (not male voice obvs [smille] ) and am-dram are other ideas.

IrenetheQuaint Sun 28-Feb-16 18:55:12

Does he have female friends? If not that might be the first step, just enjoying women's company platonically and having a laugh.

SoThatHappened Sun 28-Feb-16 19:13:16

Quite a few of my friends have o*nly started settling down. We are 37/38! So I don't think it's that unusual*

Thanks Owllady that is encouraging to hear!

Owllady Sun 28-Feb-16 20:05:26

Honestly sothat, it's really not unusual smile

slimochuda Sun 28-Feb-16 21:28:42

It is good he can talk to you about it. He does sound a very nice young man the kind lots of people would love to meet. As mentioned above lots of people meet someone later in life these days so worrying isn't necessary. I would suggest a combination of the sports clubs/OLD strategy is the one to go for.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Mon 29-Feb-16 08:50:50

I actually wouldn't recommend OLD for him. You need a very thick skin because he will probably send out hundreds of messages and get no responses and that will not help his self esteem (if that is an issue).

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