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Split up with fiancee'/best friend of 7 years help

(7 Posts)
Shellp90 Sun 28-Feb-16 08:30:47

I got with my best friend of 7 years, 1 year ago. It was brilliant and i've never loved anyone as much, it just felt right. He lived an hour away from me at the time and i decided to move to the same town. We moved in quickly after 5 months. When we were good we were good, but wen we argued we really argued.

A big factor was his job as he works away 2 weeks at a time on an oil rig. I went from working full time to changing job when i mived and only working 1 day a week as my son has ASD and full time was too much for him to handle. I felt lonely for the 2 weeks he was away and slipped into a bit of depression making me moody which caused arguments. Then he would come home for 2 weeks and it was hard to adjust to having someone there all day and night. This also caused arguments being together 24/7. Then he would want to go out with his friends sometimes at the weekend when he was home, but weekends are when i am child free as my son is at his dads then, so i felt i wanted to spend my 2 weekends with him when he was home. This caused arguments because he thought i was controlling but really i just wanted to spend quality time together.

Another factor was i gave up my car when i moved so we could save money and share a car. Everytime we argued he would stop me using the car which angered me as i have always been independent.

I feel if he worked a normal job at home there would be less arguments, if i worked a couple more days in the week i wouldnt be as bored and if i had a car myself i would feel more independent.

I am looking for a job with a few more hours and i will be able to by myself a car soon and he has moved out.

Do people think we might be able to make it work again? I am feeling very heartbroke like ive lost my soulmate. Maybe it would help if we didnt live together too?

Advice please sad xxx

goddessofsmallthings Sun 28-Feb-16 09:32:18

While you may think of him as being your soulmate, living together has proved that you're not a match made in heaven.

If he 'worked a normal job at home' there may have been less arguments, but the fact is that he's an oil rig worker who presumably enjoys his job and doesn't want to switch to 9-5 employment or similar.

From what you've said, it appears that you were living together for some 7 months before he left and, as this is long to enough to have overcome any intial hiccups, it seems to me that you may be great as friends but you're incompatible as lovers.

He's probably feeling as burned as you are by the experience, but I can't see that you have a future together nor should you try to talk him round as, if you truly are soulmates, all will be resolved in its own time.

I hope you're aware that we don't just have one soulmate in any lifetime and perhaps you should put your mind to searching for others who can be more than 'best friends' to you.

magoria Sun 28-Feb-16 09:43:38

Get out and get your own independence back.

You want different incompatible things right now.

Maybe you can salvage a friendship maybe not.

Shellp90 Sun 28-Feb-16 09:46:55

I understand what you're saying. I just feel like we may get on alot better not living together and wondering if it might work that way. I haven't lived with a man for 8 years and like my own space/time, so when hes home from work i feel like its too much. I also have OCD so it stresses me out when hes home as he doesnt keep the house the way i'm used to it and want it. He doesnt necessarily like his job he likes the money side but he gets just as down as me when he is away. Before we lived together we never argued.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 28-Feb-16 10:23:17

Whether you can return to how it was before you lived together depends on him being prepared to give it a go. Did you part on good terms or was there some acrimony involved?

Shellp90 Sun 28-Feb-16 10:32:16

We left it only speaking about the plans for the house and havent spoke for days since. I ended it with him, the last thing he said was he will always love me. I think he eould give it a go. At the minute there is still anger there mixed with upset so i don't want to speak yet. He went away to work the day after we split and is back on Friday. I guess he will be collecting his things then.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 28-Feb-16 10:39:35

His feelings will have either hardened or softened while he's been away and all you can do is play it by ear when you see him again but, having proved you can't live together, all you can have is a fwb relationship and, as there may not be much future in that, I suggest you give some thought to getting back in to the dating game.

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