Handing down baby clothes but recipient ungrateful

[elizabennett1]

Hi ladies just having a bit of a vent I guess. I've recently packed up my four months old newborn, 0 to 1 month and 0 to 3 month baby clothes. It was mainly good stuff from next, marks and spencer, m and co, designers at debenhams, as well as some more worn baby grows etc from supermarkets. Some of it had never even been worn by my baby. It was quite hard to do this but I thought I would pass it on to my husbands brother and his partner who are having a baby as they said they wanted any hand me downs going and the clothes were so lovely I didn't want them going to waste.
I do want another child but not for a while so thought I won't hang onto it and she can always let me have some of it back after using it as so much stuff!
However I found it quite hard to hand it over but did so to my brother in law, bags and bags of stuff.
This was over a week ago and she has not been in touch at all to say thank you! I have a little girl and she is having a little girl so I thought she would be really grateful for so much stuff in nice clean condition! But no nothing not even a text!!
She can be a funny girl but if someone had done that for me when I was expecting I would have been super grateful! It's made me regret giving the stuff away now and I wish I'd hung onto it for my next one or one of my more grateful friends. The brother wasn't particularly grateful either but I thought men don't necessarily know how much clothes are etc !

Am I right to be miffed?

[Secretlove]

She might have been grateful but didn't think to text. She will probably thank you when she sees you.

Or she might have been overwhelmed with stuff from people (I was) and doesn't particularly appreciate it.

You sound very attached to the things which I understand but maybe you could have kept the clothes with sentimental value. I have a drawer of baby clothes I can't bear to part with and would never pass them on.

Why don't you send a message saying if there is anything you don't want/need please give them back so I can pass them on to someone else?

[Hassled]

That's pretty damn rude of them both but not a lot you can really do about it. I can certainly see why you're miffed.

Do they realise you probably want them back at some stage? I've read awful tales on MN where baby stuff was loaned and then when the next baby arrived it turned out the borrower had Ebayed the stuff or given it away - please do make sure they understand this is a loan not a gift.

[Eminado]

Agree that they have been rude and agree with the suggestion to keep some stuff back. There is also no law that says you have to give things away if you really still want it.

No more hand me downs for them, rude people!

[Sometimesithinkimbonkers]

We gave all our stuff to my SIL. There were all John Lewis, Baby Joules and Debenhams. Our DD had so much stuff as she was our last and only girl.
SIL left it all at MIL with a note saying she wants to choose her own clothes for her DD.
We have never given her anything since. My friend though loves the fact that her DD wears perfect joules clothes and coats for free!

[polkadotdelight]

My friend gave me a bag of baby clothes last year. I thanked her profusely but never ever used them because I knew she wanted them back to ebay them and I would never remember which ones were hers!

[AuntieStella]

You gave them to your BIL - has he thanked you?

Is he not living with the girl? As you don't seem to see his as equal future parent and also the direct recipient. (For all you know, they're still in his car).

You say girl - just how young is she? Does she live with BIL or is she still with her parents? Does she actually need more help, not less?

But underpinning lesson, don't give away stuff to which you still have a sentimental attachment. I get attached to things, and it took some years before I could thin out baby stuff (and even then it was done in gentle stages).

[Artandco]

I wouldn't have given her the clothes unless she had asked for them or you had asked her first

For me I wouldn't put mine in any of the clothes you listed. Mainly because I put babies only in organic plain babygrows for the first year almost. So actual clothes from next I just wouldn't use ( I also think they are really bad quality and advocate child labour, sorry!)

[elizabennett1]

Well I have learnt my lesson and won't be giving them anything else!
They came to see us a while ago and said money was tight and they would be grateful for any hand me downs and also my mother in law said they wanted the clothes so don't think it's because they have lots of stuff think she is just an ungrateful moose if I'm honest but let's hope there is a thank you when I see her in person but you live and learn !
Yes I am a bit attached but thought giving them to a grateful recipient would be better than them sat around here but giving them to an ungrateful recipient has made me feel crappy about it! Never mind xx

[Eastpoint]

As your brother in law took them I think she would assume that he thanked you. Why do you expect her to thank you too? The clothes don't have greater value to her simply because she is a woman.

[Artandco]

And bags and bags of stuff for a newborn sounds way too much. Maybe ask for it back if not using and just give a couple of items. Where are they going to put it all?

[ZenNudist]

Text? "hi SIL, did you get the baby clothes? Hope they are alright but if not send them back and I will pass them to another friend."

You could add " I hope you don't mind but I'm hoping you can pass them back when you're done. May be using them in future!!!"

[AStreetcarNamedBob]

You gave them to your brother in law? This is your husbands brother?

Why are you going on about some GIRL not thanking you? It's your BIL you gave them to, for HIS child and he's the one who is your family?

If my husbands family give him hand me downs for our children I don't get involved. He thanks them when they give them to him

This whole post is just so sexist I can't quite believe it!

[elizabennett1]

Oh and it wasn't that I was desperate for them back in amazing condition, only that if they weren't too past it I would have them back rather than her pass it on or sell it, if it gets trashed not w problem if that makes sense!

[elizabennett1]

Don't mean it to be sexist, they have both annoyed me with lack of gratitude but she's more emotionally intelligent in this case so has annoyed me more

[elizabennett1]

But I appreciate the different view points thank you

[elizabennett1]

I know don't think will post here again!

[AStreetcarNamedBob]

Why not OP? Because everyone didn't agree with you? Surely if you just wanted people to agree with you you'd talk to a mirror!

Genuinely interested why you wouldn't post again?

[Aspergallus]

You still haven't said whether your BIL thanked you or your husband?

Or does that not count? Do you add thank yous to some list of wifework that you imagine must be done by her even though the transaction was between your husband and BIL?

Your disappointment is more about the fact that you should not have given them away unless you didn't really care what became of them. And seriously you can't give baby clothes away with the expectation of getting them back. You want them to label, and wash and launder and store all the clothes they get from different people separately so you can get yours back?

Call them up. Say you feel sad and remorseful, could you take some of the items back for sentimentalities sake. That would be the most dignified and honest thing to do. Not chasing some woman you barely know for gratitude, for something she didn't personally request or receive.

[Scoose]

If someone gave something to my dh I would presume he had thanked them and wouldn't necessarily think to do so myself until I next saw them. You sound like you didn't really want to give them away in the first place so should have kept them.