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I just feel so worthless and empty

(29 Posts)
Leanneax2x Fri 26-Feb-16 11:02:16

I just want to explain really how I feel.My friends are sick of me going on and tell me not to speak about it anymore.
Il try and keep it short.
A man who I loved,basically used me and then told me see you later.
He fed me so many lines and thought he really cared.
This was months ago now and I feel so worthless.
I contacted him about 5 months ago just wanting a explanation all he said was say don't text me again.
Now that was after telling me how special I was,how much he wanted me,holding me,kissing me etc.
I've had lots of problems in my life and I know we all have but I'm struggling.
My mum died when I was a teenager and my dad didn't treat me well,would kick me etc.
The last month I've felt awful.Tired all the time,my muscles ache,I don't want to get up or get dressed,I'm close to tears all day every day.
I dread each day.
I'm so sad but not just sad actually to a point where it's impossible.
I've never been loved and he made me feel loved.
I'm so sorry if I sound pathetic and I must sound like a moron.
I don't understand why he did this to me,he knew about the crap I had gone through.
I don't know what more to say.

Robotgirl Fri 26-Feb-16 11:13:50

Hi OP
Sorry you're feeling so horrible.
Please remind yourself that none of this is your fault.
Have you spoken to your GP or thought about accessing counselling? It can work wonders wink
Also, do you have kids? How are you filling your days/eves?

Robotgirl Fri 26-Feb-16 11:14:58

PS you don't sound pathetic or like a moron. Keep posting on here-you'll get some helpful advice & you'll feel better for venting thanks

AugustMoon Fri 26-Feb-16 11:18:15

What an arsehole. So sorry flowers Have you seen your GP? You sound depressed, understandably, with not much support from friends it must be hard - get some anti-depressants. And the best way to get over one man? Get under another. That might be crap advice, I don't know I'm married, but might make you smile

Angieyy1 Fri 26-Feb-16 11:19:58

You don't sound pathetic, you sound a lil down. It a terrible feeling to feel unwanted or sometimes you feeling your not good enough.

You are, Iv spent most of my adult life relying on other people (men)to make me feel like I am someone and all it has done is give me is heartbreak and depression and anxiety.

Could you pursue something you love? That would make you feel good about yourself...can you be kind to yourself, eat healthy, practice yoga, excercise... All these things are good for your mind and body...do you have something you could concentrate on ?

People with low self esteem give to much in a relationship to never get anything back... We give the love that we want back and when we don't get it we think we are not good enough!

Angieyy1 Fri 26-Feb-16 11:21:54

I think you need some time on your own to figure yourself out and to heal the pain

Moving straight on may not be the right thing for you as you may not choose someone who is right for you but someone who will hustle the pain away and you might end up in the same situation

I'm inly speaking from experience as this is what I did and it was a viscous Circle.

Leanneax2x Fri 26-Feb-16 11:24:35

Yeah I've seen my gp and I'm waiting for counselling.
At the minute everything seems like a struggle even putting my makeup on I just think what's even the point.
I'm horrible anyway.
He has massively knocked me and shown no remorse which makes me feel so disposable.
I thought he thought more of me.
Today I'm meeting a friend for shopping and lunch but don't want to burden her and tonig

Leanneax2x Fri 26-Feb-16 11:25:15

Tonight I'm meant to be going out for friends birthday but I just want to go to bed and stay there.

Sweetandsour93 Fri 26-Feb-16 11:39:30

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down OP, it's horrible how you were treated but the man's actions are a reflection of his character not yours. You've had a lucky escape as he will do the same to others. Focus on you and try to force yourself to see you're friends etc, you will feel worse if you isolate yourself and going out might help to take your mind off things, even just for a little bit.

Slowdecrease Fri 26-Feb-16 12:10:00

How long were you with him?

Angieyy1 Fri 26-Feb-16 12:13:05

Do you journal ! I started a couple of years ago As I felt like people don't want to here anymore.

It does help so much just to write it all out everything and anything how bad you feel hour by hour. I have journals from a couple of years ago and I couldn't even read them now the desperation I was feeling over a man was unbelievable.

It was because I didn't feel good enough because after all if this guy who had all these problems didn't want me then I must be terrible.

It's all wrong it's what you tell your self. You were more than good enough for him, maybe too good because after all you have given him your love time and dedication and have so much love to give.

Not everyone want s the same from a relationship and I think that's what we have to realise just because we love and give so much it doesn't the other person is the same.

Have you tried a cbt book I download one on my I pad and it's made a massive difference to my mental health and made me realise I wasn't ready to actually love someone healthily because I was needy had no boundaries and when I look back it's not attractive.

I do want my ex back he was a good man he wasn't perfect (moody) but was everything I never had ... Stability ect ...but I drove him away with my neediness and lack of boundaries. I relied on him to make me feel good worthy and have a happy life ...

Now I'm concentrating on my career my family and moving home all on my own. I am heartbroken without him but I will survive the plans we made for our future sickness me everyday. But been strong mentally is what will get you through it..

I watched YouTube videos on becoming mentally strong.. Anything to do with low self esteem

The book is called CBT TOOLBOX I would really recommend it !!!

Iv stopped doing anything that triggers me feeling unloved, not worthy or my old life from when I was growing up ...or been around thoses people that make me feel this way.

Iv started going to the cinema on my own something I would never do. Iv gone back to college part time ...Iv just been for an interview today for a workplace ment one day a week. Iv passed my motorbike theory test.

I'm starting over and 39 it doesn't mean I'm not hurting as I am everyday but it means I'm trying to move forward and making myself feel good

We can feel the pain doing nothing about it or we can feel the pain doing something about it and changing outlives and staying away from triggers ?

Which is the better option

I'm not trying to steel your thread I'm just letting you know you are not on your own be so proud of yourself hold your head up high starting writing a different story for yourself stop telling the old one it really makes a massive difference.

I promised you it can be done but you have to want it to change so much andd fight for it.

That's who you used to be... That's not who you are going to be anymore

I went on a 3 day coaching course for free... I had 0 confidence and wasn't going to go back the second day but I did it made me look at life differently infact im still fb friends with some of them and I'm going to meet up with one on Monday to gets some coaching for myself !

If you need any help or advice your welcome to contact me xx

Leanneax2x Fri 26-Feb-16 15:13:22

Angieyy1 you sound so strong and I really wish I could be like that,I'm seriously going to try.
I want to change jobs and am going alto start looking into it.
Trying to get motivated to go out tonight is a struggle never mind anything else.
That's the thing we wernt even in a proper realtionship he just used me whenever yet here I am still feeling down about someone who didn't even respect me.

Angieyy1 Fri 26-Feb-16 15:58:50

I sound strong ...I'm getting there.... It's not easy and I'm not always feeling this way each day is different. What has helped me is going to the gym and just been on my own with the pain of it all because when you can sit with it you find some fight I you ...

My friends can't take this pain away ... Another man couldn't take this pain away .... Going out every weekend wouldn't take this pain away .for me ..... Only myself and my thoughts and time can ...

. I would say going to the gym or even just running everyday if you can will really help to start clearing your mind and pushing you.

The best form of revenge is success !!

Do you run / jog /excercise ?
Even 10 mins a day to start off with would help massively...

And could help with you feeling so lethargic I just started off walking for a minute / jogging for a minute for up to 20mins now everyday ...

2 weeks ago I honestly didint want to get out of bed ... I hadn't eaten properly in 6 weeks and have lost a stone .... I couldn't sleep either and I felt terrible ... I still woke up this morning with anxiety and just wanting him back wanting to text him ...but iv talked myself around and haven't !!

I now feel so embarrassed that I thought that way and it showed what an impact having a relationship has on my life ( been needy)

I won't lie I contradict myself some days I want him back then other days I don't...

You can do this.. I wouldn't go out with any intentions of trying to find someone just try to heal yourself and have some fun with your friends I know how hard it is when you feel like this .... For me it's too soon to be going out xx

Leanneax2x Fri 26-Feb-16 16:09:09

The thing is I go out and all I think of is him literally him all night the more drinks I have the worse I feel.
I don't go the gym I like to go for walks along the coast but it's been too cold of late.
I just keep going over things why wasn't I enough,why didn't he want me,why did he hurt me constantly.
It's enough to drive you insane.

Angieyy1 Fri 26-Feb-16 16:10:55

I have also started taking magnesium capsules in a lil brown packet and a vitamin only b12 spray from Holland and Barrett it takes a while to get in your system but they are really helping me ....

You can be deficient in these vitamins and minerals which are linked to low mood and depression in general ...

Read up on them if you have the time when your stressed run down and have low moods you depleat these vitamins even more and these are needed to maintain your energy and brain function and magnesium is a muscle relaxant will help you feel clam and help you sleep...

Xx

Leanneax2x Fri 26-Feb-16 16:16:02

Thankyou for your advice :-)
Hope you keep going the way you are xx

Angieyy1 Fri 26-Feb-16 16:20:42

Iv honestly been there... It drives you insane ....if drinking makes you worse don't do it... If you don't want to go out maybe your not ready to.... Journal all these thoughts and with them find the positives in yourself .... What's good about you, loving caring ... Giving ? Thoughtful ? Ect what is your personality are you funny get on well with people ect .. Your friends obviously care because they wouldn't be asking you out ....

Think of things your good at or what to improve on do you have any hobbies ? Money is an issuer for me so I have to find things to do that are free ...

Have you joined meet up. Com finding people with similar Intrest as you can be good for you and get you out and about ... Jog in the house on the spot or excercise at home get your heart eye up so you focosing on something else.

I can say I know exactly how you feel because I have OCD with pure obsessions !!! All day long everyday they are fading now because I'm finding other stuff to focus on ... You have to help yourself !!'

Try taking some vitamins getting some excercise get yourself mentally strong ....

Produce a visionboard what do you want for your future ? Career ? Money ? Travels ... Where do you want to live ect where do you see yourself next year ? What can you do to help get you there ?

Leanneax2x Fri 26-Feb-16 16:53:45

No I joined tinder but it's full of total creeps and I'm not sure I'm ready for more men ha ha
I think I obsess too reliving past conversations etc..I really need to stop.
It's hard to break the cycle.

Stormtreader Fri 26-Feb-16 17:04:53

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adjustment_disorder - sounds scary but its actually depression brought on by an event or sudden change. Ive had it twice now, both brought on by being dumped out of the blue by someone who told me they cared , so I really sympathise with what youre going through right now. Mine was that same feeling, I'd wake up and it was like someone was shoving his photo in my face as soon as I opened my eyes.

Anti-depressants can help you push away that numbness and exhaustion feeling so that you can get on with life while youre getting over it, time will help you pick yourself back up again but only if youre not trapped inside the depression feelings. flowers

mumslife Fri 26-Feb-16 18:09:38

my dd 19 is in a similar position dumped by text by her first bf who she loved unconditionally
The way she is describing it to me its similar to depression
Afyer five weeks she is improving albeit slowly
Currently being tested for glandular fever which isnt helping
She feels massively let down and had problems with him throughout the relationship
She put up with so much and also found out he lied to her after they split up
She is only nineteen and away at uni but this week can see a small improvement
babysteps you will get there
As I said to her focus on yourself
She knows now what she would like from a relationship but at the moment although she is lonely she knows she is no where near ready.
My advice would be not to rush into anything ho slowly and focus on your nreds
little things like a nice coffee for a treat or she goes for a swim or a uni brunch with friends
Friends are so important and lots of support frim familt
Clubbing etc and drinking she has found disastrous spends the whole evening pining for him and or fending iff drunk guys and thinking should I as she feel so lonely so far she has resisted
She has joined sone clubs art society debating etc
She has okay days and bad days. I think time will be a healer eventually
God Luck you are not the only one going through thisx

Lovetruelove Fri 26-Feb-16 20:16:39

I am going to say it how it is - first I am so sorry you are going through this - it has happened to me and happens a lot. There is a particular type of man who gets off on this - it gives them a testosterone ego boost - ' r yes I know she likes me but sorry she can't have me becuase I'm so amazing). Next time don't give so much of yourself away some would say this is unhealthy- but becuase I am sensitive like you I am now very guarded to protect myself. Look after and love yourself.

Leanneax2x Sat 27-Feb-16 16:16:42

Thanks for all your advice :-)
I went out last night got dressed up and has a really good night with my girl friends.
I still wish things different but last night I felt good about myself and realised its not me with the problem it's him.
I couldn't of done anymore or been any better ..that was me and if that wasn't enough then so be it.

Angieyy1 Sat 27-Feb-16 17:27:31

That's great you went out and had a fun night.. Keep it going and just keep telling yourself it's his loss xx

mumslife Sat 27-Feb-16 20:05:42

leanne

exactly what i have been telling dd . She could have done no more. Its them with the problem not ypu keep telling yourself that
Great you had a good time
Unfortunately dd ill with suspected glandular fever so unable to go out

Leanneax2x Sat 27-Feb-16 20:12:31

Awww mumslife hope she feels better soon.
Lots of things planned in few months to keep my mind busy.
Things could be worse I guess.

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