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Was this all my fault

(22 Posts)
Deadpool Thu 25-Feb-16 01:27:03

My boyfriend and I broke up recently (we're only 18 and we were only together for a few months, just a disclaimer so no one unknowingly wastes their time on such a insignificant issue).

This is how we broke up.

He was coming to my city and we were supposed to go ice skating and then watch Deadpool. On the day, I found out that the rink had closed down (despite the webpage with all the prices still being up), so I looked for another rink a bit further away. He refused to go to that rink because the uber was 'too expensive'. I offered to pay for the uber and he said 'No, we'll just watch go to the cinema and then do something else afterwards'.

This was like an hour or so before we were due to meet. We met up and things were going pretty well until he started complaining. He'd say things like 'You're such a rubbish planner' and 'I took a whole day out of revision' and 'Today was an okay day'. I got a bit annoyed/upset so I just stayed quiet as I walked him to the train station early.

When we both got home, we argued about it. I told him that I didn't think I had done anything wrong, because I tried to find an alternative for the ice skating but he rejected it, even though I offered to pay. He kept saying that I should have tried harder to plan something else after he rejected the other ice skating rink. I tried to tell him that I didn't because 1) I don't go out that much so I don't have a list of things to do in my city ready in my head, and 2) I didn't have the time to research more places in the morning (I was literally trying to find out how to get to the other skating rink while taking a bath). His response to that was 'you're always making excuses'. Which I'm not.

He then started ranting about 'You never plan anything, I always plan everything, You did no planning for today. I thought of the cinema and the ice skating idea.' It's true, he does most of the planning, but if he had just told me that he'd appreciate me planning more dates, I would have agreed and tried to change that. But he didn't say that, instead he decided to be a dick. Still, I said that I'd plan more dates if that would make him happy.

I still didn't think I was in the wrong for not planning an alternative to the alternative ice skating rink. He said he was 'amazed' that I didn't think I was wrong.
Anyway, we argued about it for a bit, and then he started sending a long monologue about how he can't take this relationship anymore (with even more personal attacks), and we broke up.

Was I actually in the wrong? I'm willing to accept it if I am. The relationship is over and I don't have any desire to get back together with him, but it would be good to know for future reference.

VimFuego101 Thu 25-Feb-16 01:31:14

No, it sounds like he just used the rink being closed as an excuse for everything that followed. He said no to your alternative suggestion, he should have suggested something else instead, not blamed you for not coming up with a new idea. Sounds like you're well rid of him tbh.

lunar1 Thu 25-Feb-16 01:32:59

You didn't do anything wrong. He was looking for a reason, you're well rid!

Joysmum Thu 25-Feb-16 02:05:08

He's one of life's critics, nothing anyone else does is ever going to be right or enough because he's so much better in his own eyes.

You've avoided a class A twunt there, confident it a lucky escape and put it behind you.

Kez100 Thu 25-Feb-16 04:13:28

Not your fault at all.

Once the infatuation part of an early relationship is over you start to have to face the reality of what the real person is like. This guy has shown himself as an unreasonable twonk. You are really well rid of him.

bb888 Thu 25-Feb-16 05:37:00

He sounds like really hard work. Be glad its over so that you didn't waste any longer with him. I can't see that you did any thing wrong and I'm not sure why he would have been that bothered about a change of plans like that anyway.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 25-Feb-16 06:09:25

Congratulations. You've dodged a Grade A self-entitled and self-absorbed twat and I'm full of admiration for you having 'walked him to the train station early'. Way to go! smile

At just a few months into your relationship it should have been more than enough for him to meet up so that he could gaze into your eyes and revel in being with you. Complainng about a last minute change of plan due solely to necessity and begrudging the 'whole day he took out of revision' shows that his mind wasn't set on you.

Keep your standards high and don't be tempted to lower them for any of the pondlife that you will inevitably meet as part of the dating game that will form a colourful swirl on your life's rich pattern.

Enjoy your youth. Have fun and don't tie yourself down until you meet the exceptional man who is worthy of the exceptional you which, hopefully, won't be for a good few years yet.

DoreenLethal Thu 25-Feb-16 07:04:33

It was never going to get better than this. Well done, and next time this sort of thing happens, you be the one to tell him to jog on.

Marchate Thu 25-Feb-16 08:16:34

Had you not split up you would have been listening to his moaning for years!

ProfGrammaticus Thu 25-Feb-16 08:20:02

No I don't think so. He's a bit "glass half empty" I think. Life doesn't always go according to plan and you did your best. Date someone with a more positive outlook!

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs Thu 25-Feb-16 08:27:45

Dodged a bullet there. He was always going to be at best high maintenance hard work. No one should try to make you feel grateful that they are prepared to go out with you.

PregnantAndEngaged Thu 25-Feb-16 08:51:14

Not your fault, please don't beat yourself up about this. The guy was a twat, end of story.

Joysmum Thu 25-Feb-16 08:52:28

At just a few months into your relationship it should have been more than enough for him to meet up so that he could gaze into your eyes and revel in being with you

Exactly

OurBlanche Thu 25-Feb-16 09:37:53

After 30 years my DH still comes home from working away and simply revels in being with me. Whilst I find it a bit OTT sometimes I could never have stayed with him if, a few months in, he had not been all calf eyed when with me.

He has let himself down really badly. Fortunately, you being sensible enough to check with Aunty MN, he has done no harm to your sense of self and you can now spend some time with friends laughing about your happy escape from such a twonk smile

Kez100 Thu 25-Feb-16 10:52:53

One day you will look back on this and be able to see clearly how unreasonable his tirade was. Strange guy.

Bree85 Thu 25-Feb-16 11:54:41

He sounds like a girl. The woman should be the one complaining. Your better off without him. You can find a better one.

Marchate Thu 25-Feb-16 12:13:11

Bree...

Pardon???

OurBlanche Thu 25-Feb-16 13:14:31

Ooops!

willconcern Thu 25-Feb-16 13:17:30

Nope, he is just a twat. Forget him.

Bree what on earth are you on about?!

Deadpool Thu 25-Feb-16 14:05:30

Thanks for that! He was so adamant that I was wrong and I was starting to doubt myself. To be fair to him, he did show his true colours at the start of the relationship (and before it even began) but he 'changed' after he realised how much I meant to him. After that, he was great for a few months. I've now learnt that you can't change people and if skategate hadn't happened, the 'old' him would have resurfaced eventually.

nothing anyone else does is ever going to be right or enough because he's so much better in his own eyes.

This is exactly what he's like!

wideboy26 Thu 25-Feb-16 15:34:09

If you are keen on the other person, what you do together is neither here nor there. He should have been flexible enough to consider a change of plan so that he could still spend time with you. Dating is a learning process and one day you'll realise that you want to be with the other person all the time. When I reached that stage I asked her to marry me!

Don't lower your standards for anybody. You have plenty of time to find somebody who gives you that oooh I want to be with you all the time feeling.

OzzieFem Thu 25-Feb-16 20:07:46

nothing anyone else does is ever going to be right or enough because he's so much better in his own eyes.

He's in for a bit of a shock when he goes to uni then!

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