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He blames me

(23 Posts)
Feelverystrange209 Tue 23-Feb-16 14:54:56

My husband is always blaming me for example we had a big argument last year he moved out a few days and his friends and family blame me because he told them I was name calling them and god knows what else he said now I never speak to them I'm not welcome at his friends house. Also I've saw deleted texts to another friend and he replied maybe she's not right for you. I feel like I can't be around anyone now it's so awkward because I dunno what's been said? I'm fed up because I really haven't done anything wrong, I do absolutely everything for him!

StillDrSethHazlittMD Tue 23-Feb-16 15:07:51

Simple solution to this problem is to leave the bastard (only the third time I've used that well-worn MN phrase)

Jan45 Tue 23-Feb-16 15:12:11

So by the sounds of it your DH doesn't like you much and has systematically excluded you completely from his family and friends.

If I was you I'd tell him you were now excluding yourself from his life so he can have what he wants, the man has zero respect for you.

TheNaze73 Tue 23-Feb-16 15:13:31

He's really not into you, shows you a complete lack of respect & treats you like dirt. Bin him off

ImperialBlether Tue 23-Feb-16 15:15:08

Just what the others say. Life's too short to live with someone who's horrible to you.

Out2pasture Tue 23-Feb-16 15:23:18

You haven't done anything (by your account), but he has. He has problems and enjoys creating this drama for you. Do you want to live like this?

Resilience16 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:38:28

Hi feel very,take a long hard look at this relationship and decide what it is you get from it and whether you still want to be in it.
My gut reaction is that if he is deliberately bad mouthing you to family and friends it is probably because he is setting up a bit on the side and wants to paint himself as the injured party and/or minimise the chance of friends and family blowing his cover.
You say you rowed and split last year? What was that about? In my experience if there are cracks in a relationship and you don't manage to resolve them then you just end up in a vicious circle of conflict and splits.
Do you really want to be in a relationship like that? If not be brave and get out.
Good luck x

314Romaniac Tue 23-Feb-16 17:40:17

Wow. He has demonised you to get the sympathy and support of all of his friends and family.

Sounds like a smear campaign.

Feelverystrange209 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:44:13

It was because he was speaking to another woman deleting messages etc. we had a huge row about it, he told his friends and family I was saying things about them. I've never really said anything much about them except that I didn't think they liked me which has come across clear.

Feelverystrange209 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:45:51

I just don't understand why he needs to be so sly and hide messages to friends about me? I haven't done anything to offend him!!!!!

Canyouforgiveher Tue 23-Feb-16 17:46:31

He doesn't like you much. Life's too short. Lots of people out there who would actually be nice to you.

And he is going to leave you anyway- sorry but the texts the bad-mouthing to his friends-the moving out. he is going. Take some control and speed him on his way

Jan45 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:49:10

If they don't like you OP it's because your DP has ensured they don't.

OurBlanche Tue 23-Feb-16 17:51:35

Well, when you do leave him, which you will, eventually, remember to say, out loud, to all and sundry... "I am leaving him because he has been seeing other women and when I get angry, telling all you gullible idiots a total cock bull story. You are welcome to him,may it give you more joy than it did me!"

Make sure you feel you have some control, no shame, just take charge and send him out into the big world.

Jan45 Tue 23-Feb-16 17:56:30

Oh and I'd stop `doing everything` for him - he is showing you what he thinks of you and also what he is made of - his friend and family come way before your needs.

Feelverystrange209 Tue 23-Feb-16 18:05:30

I forced him to leave last year as I just didn't want to see him. I know he never cheated etc. he was probably talking about me! im fed up, if he really does care then why do this? It's not on. One of his friends came over today all i could think is god what's he said to you about me.

kittybiscuits Tue 23-Feb-16 18:07:23

Eww. Vile manipulative lying pig. You know what to do OP. You will never be able too see eye to eye with this slippery fucker.

Feelverystrange209 Tue 23-Feb-16 18:09:10

I don't know how to just in emotionally 'ltb' I don't know how it can be that easy I wish it was sad

OurBlanche Wed 24-Feb-16 09:06:34

You may not feel able to now. That isn't wrong. But one day you might feel ready to. That will all depend on how you process what he says and does.

For example: I know he never cheated... do you? Talking to other women and hiding/deleting messages looks very much like an affair, from the outside. It may have 'only' been an emotional affair but he was still overstepping the usual behaviour line within a relationship.

Keep talking here. There are many posters who will support you, no matter what decisions you make.

kittybiscuits Wed 24-Feb-16 09:49:12

Speaking about the problems and saying that you don't know how to leave at the moment are the steps you are ready to take. It's very important to start to listen to yourself and build your own view of the relationship. I would hope that one day you will end this relationship. In your own time and if you decide to. Do keep posting.

RiceCrispieTreats Thu 25-Feb-16 04:56:09

So. He plays away with other women, and talks shit about you to his friends.

This man does not like you, and he is not a good partner to you.

lavenderhoney Thu 25-Feb-16 06:02:29

Sounds a hard life. Is he still going to friends houses? And how did Christmas pan out, with you being unwelcome? And he told you all this and you stayed. Or took him back, whatever happened.

Just thinking its rubbish is a start. Keep posting.

Feelverystrange209 Thu 25-Feb-16 07:53:54

I always go to my family at Christmas he works so suits us, they speak to me like I visit once a year lol but we don't like each other. He doesn't see friends he works a lot. But the 1 that he sees sometimes he deleted texts to a short while ago and I convinced myself it was about me he says he can't remember even deleting them? Hmmm. He says I need to try and make us work....

Marchate Thu 25-Feb-16 08:09:04

You need to try????

I think he's getting confused!

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