Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Time to call it quits?

(4 Posts)
Badders123 Fri 19-Feb-16 20:38:09

Dh and I have been married for 17 years.
2 dc aged 12 and 7
The past 2 years have been the worst of my life (which is why I'm questioning my feelings I suppose) multiple bereavemnts, My own ill health, ill health of dc (my youngest has been dx with abdominal migraine which we are finding hard to deal with)
Looking back on all out years together the thing that stands out is his inability to be supportive. When ds1 was a baby we nearly lost him ....it was an awful time and dh was....just not there for me. I ended up with late onset post natal depression and I'm sure he is a big part of the reason.
I feel so very very alone.
Full disclosure...I am also peri menopausal which makes me feel pretty rubbish.
He got a promotion at work (well...his boss left and he was the only option) which means more working away which he loves but we hate. My youngest dc particularly finds it hard.
When we married he was in a different role but was passed over for promotion and moved to a different dept - very much a sideways move - he has worked for the same firm since he was 16.
Change does not come easily to him. He should have left when they passed him over the first time but....
So...here we are. More money but lots more stress for me and the kids.
I can't trust him to do the simplest thing. Constantly have to double check he is on time for picking the kids up for example....(on the rare occasion i ask)
Last year my bil had a brain heamorrage (he is fine now) but when it happened we were told to "prepare ourselves"
I had not slept in 2 nights and asked dh to drive me to the hospital as I didn't feel safe driving and he refused because he had "to go to football"
sad
Sorry I know this is rambling but there are so many things I could give examples of....
I feel alone, and unsupported and fed up.
He is.not a bad man, or a bad father but he seems incapable of giving me what I need. Is what I need unreasonable? Is it my hormones? Stress? MLC?
He has already implied he thinks I need to go the Dr!!
Because he is happy, I should be too sad
Anyway, any advice gratefully received.

Marchate Fri 19-Feb-16 22:11:52

- Because he is happy, I should be too

Sums up his entire attitude. It's all about him. He even finds relatives' serious illness an inconvenience

Not very caring, is he?

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 19-Feb-16 22:25:53

He sounds like a person who severely lacks empathy.

Doesn't make him a "bad" man, but it does make him a difficult one to have a relationship with, as your needs and your emotions will simply be ignored.

I can see how that would wear you down.

Badders123 Sat 20-Feb-16 08:24:34

Thank you
Glad to know it's not just me being unreasonable
Yes to lack of empathy!
I'm just exhausted sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now