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All i do is seem to help other people with advice

(10 Posts)
AnnP1963 Wed 17-Feb-16 17:20:42

Well here i am a week or so after i helped my sister and my nephew and now its the turn of my best friend. My right shoulder is now significantly lower than the left, because all i have done lately is be the shoulder to cry on. Here goes...My best friend is amazing we have been friends for over 25 years and have done and heard pretty much everything together. Her youngest son (she has 4 boys) has just got back from Uni. She pays his mobile phone bill up to a certain amount and he has to put in the rest. So she has two phones on a contract her phone and his. His bill has come in quite a bit higher that usual and she thought i best check it. She did and there was 160 calls and messages to a number. Now this is a lady that is sensible and hard working pretty straightforward. She asked her son why all the calls and he literally went ballistic!! Accusing her of stalking him, screaming at her my goodness i was shocked and so was she he treatened to move to his grandfathers house and basically completly over-reacted.
I think his hiding something but i haven't said anything to my friend but his reaction was so defensive. I love my godson and also my friend is it my place to say how i feel. She is so upset i have never seen her like this.

Marchate Wed 17-Feb-16 18:04:23

Nothing comes over so indignant as guilt!

Her contract, her phone. If he doesn't like it he needs to get his own contract. It's good for his credit history anyway

MairzyDoats Wed 17-Feb-16 18:07:29

Hasn't she called it?!

timelytess Wed 17-Feb-16 18:10:36

Call the number. Then take his phone off her contract and tell him to pay for his own calls in future.

pocketsaviour Wed 17-Feb-16 18:10:42

I would be pretty fucked off if at the age of 20 my mum was going through my phone bill and counting the number of times I had called or texted a single number.

Actually my mum did pull shit like this when I was 20, which is a significant factor in why we don't have any contact now.

I have a 20 year old, whose phone bill I pay. If he exceeds his limit then we look through his bill together to identify where the problem arose. I don't go raking through it and counting the instances of contacts.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 17-Feb-16 18:30:22

If your friend is paying a monthly rate for her ds's contract phone and is also paying a set amount towards its use with him making up the/any shortfall, what is the problem and why has she gone through the bill with a fine tooth comb when the increased use is not going to cost her any extra?

Perhaps the ds has a special friend that he doesn't want to reveal to his family as yet but, in any event and given the arrangement, his dm had no need to scrutinise the bill for her ds's phone and even less need to draw attention to his calls/texts to a certain number.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 17-Feb-16 20:22:26

Why would the ds feel guilty, Marchate?

He has an arrangement with his dm regarding the cost of his phone and its use which, as far as we know, he has adhered to and it's up to him to determine how many calls/texts he makes over and above the sum agreed as he pays for them.

Some of the responses here are more suited to those who have cause to suspect that they may have adulterous spouses and it's to be hoped that the OP's best friend has apologised to her ds for her intrusiveness and that he, in turn, has expressed remorse for his outburst.

AnnP1963 Wed 17-Feb-16 20:30:57

timelytess - No my friend has not called the number.
Pocketsaviour - She didn't got through all of the 16 pages it just comes up with an amount of 160. This is a sensible woman who would not have the time or inclination to trawl over 16 pages, bless her she is always too busy.
I have just come off the phone after reading the replies i have told her to just sit down again but tomorrow, when the dust has settled. If it was me i would say that it was me that paid the bill and whilst i wouldn't care who he phoned i would not be paying over the set amount originally discussed.

She didn't take offence but nevertheless is just more concerned with his reaction. This is an intelligent boy who is laid back. I must admit this is the bit that concerned me because he just moaned but too much. I don't know if it is exam time coming up or he is just upset she looked.

So here is her plan of action.
She is sitting down tomorrow to talk.
She will not ring the number she isn't bothered who it is.
She will be asking why this provoked this response.
I am sure the number and stroppy reaction are linked and really if that is the type of reaction he needs to bloody grow up abit!

goddessofsmallthings Wed 17-Feb-16 21:08:11

If this is the first time that your godson has exceeded the sum his dm pays for his phone and its use, all she has to do is remind him that he is required to repay her £x for the additional calls/texts he's made.

Having raised 4 dc I have no doubt your best friend is immune used to teenage angst, which can be latent in some, and to my mind she's best advised to not labour his reaction while making it clear that she expects a tad more of him now that he's, at least in the eyes of the law, an adult.

If he continues to strop I would suggest she assures him that the door to the family home is always open and he should take care not to let it bang him on the backside when he decamps to his dgf.

Regardless of what he may be hiding he is entitled to a private life, so to speak, but as a precautionary measure I also suggest she makes a note of the oft-called number just in case it subsequently emerges that he has a fondness for certain substances items which can't be purchased in high street stores.

B3auBouqu3t Wed 17-Feb-16 21:09:55

You can get contracts where you get x amount of phone calls and x amount of data usage per month for internet. Anything over this is chargeable and you should receive a message on phone telling you about extra charges

I would look at moving to another mobile phone provider or ask for a better deal on existing contract look here under utilities and phones www.moneysavingexpert.com/

I would get son to sign up for his own phone contract, he may be a bit more careful about how he uses it !

What was his bill this month ?

If friends and family are on same network calls may be free

You could try putting the phone number into Google it may provide some info

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