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perspective needed on dm and her very new boyfriend moving in please

(7 Posts)
glasshouses88 Tue 16-Feb-16 18:12:36

Hi everyone.
I would really appreciate some opinions so I could maybe change my perspective.
My dm told me today that a man she met online and with whom she has literally met all of 4 times (albeit those times he has come to stay over a weekend) has moved in "because it's what they both want".
I am 27 with 2 children of my own so I appreciate this isn't really much of my business and as a free woman She Is Entitled To Do As She Pleases.
However I feel angry about it and think it's really irresponsible and genuinely quite upset.
I have severe mental illness in September for which I was put in the mother and baby unit. Part of my ongoing depression which I've had for 5 years since ds1 is so I'm told in part due to childhood trauma. Mum and dad divorced when I was a baby and my dad has never been involved in my life really apart from a few times when I was a teenager....he has 7 children with 5 women that I know of, none of who he has a relationship with and was once questioned over covert videos of his then partners teenage daughter.
My mum was with a man she didn't love for 12 years. Me and my brother had to live in an atmosphere our whole childhood and there was violence towards us from both my mum and her ex, including belts, soap in the mouth, banging heads and throwing us. I have no idea what a healthy relationship is.
But I do know my mum has her own life.
I know I am being a bit selfish.
My dc love my mum and now there's a new man there I don't think we'll see each other as much, we usually spend every Saturday together and she has been greatly supportive of me while I'm at uni.
Am I right to be angry, or should I put my toys back in my pram ?

Marchate Tue 16-Feb-16 18:42:07

Maybe she has been looking for a good relationship all her life, but failing spectacularly? It doesn't sound like this one will be any better

You have had to take the flak from your parents' bad choices. It has caused you so much suffering already

If you post on Stately Homes too, plenty of support will come your way

Talcumsoul Tue 16-Feb-16 18:45:37

Put your toys away, Glass.
I agree that your DM seems unwise to move her new BF in so soon. It may prove to be a good decision, time will tell. In your position I would be concerned.
But........ her life, her choice.

pocketsaviour Tue 16-Feb-16 19:54:47

Your mum has been putting men over you for your entire life. Why would she stop now? Every time there's a sniff of cock she will throw you - AND your kids - under the bus again. If I were you I wouldn't wait around for that to happen to your DC.

glasshouses88 Tue 16-Feb-16 21:46:04

Thanks for your replies, sorry it's taken me so long to reply I've been out of signal.
Thanks marchate I may post on stately homes.
talcumsoul is know it is her life and so her choice, that how I want to try and see it and I suppose I will have to accept the situation because we'll I can't change who my mum is. But she has bad history and poor for with men, been in 2 long ea and pa relationships and around September last year was chatting to a man online, telling each other they love each other and sending gifts for my brother to then find out it was a complete catfish and the man was from African...we think my mum sent him money also.
pocketsaviour you are right but I wish you weren't. I rely on my mum to support me, well just to be there for me, but she quite happily drops me. This weekend just gone I was meant to stay at hers Friday night with my baby and we were going to watch a film,I packed my bags only to receive a text cancelling last minute because this new guy wanted to come over

scarlets Tue 16-Feb-16 22:21:41

It's to her credit that she supported you whilst you were at university, and it is nice that she's a good grandmother. I think you need to accept that you'll never be her priority though. She's one of those slightly pathetic women who can't be single. Don't expect too much of her and you'll get on fine.

glasshouses88 Wed 17-Feb-16 13:19:09

Thanks for your reply scarlets.
Yeah I think I do need to only reply on myself...she has always been a filty and easily distracted so perhaps I just have to use her as an example of how not to be.
It just makes my mind boggle as to how she can move someone in when she has never met any friends or family or been to their house or work, so literally no part of his life has been exposed...crazy

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