Just over 3 weeks ago, I found Whatsapp messages from another woman (a work colleague) on H's phone. VERY sexually explicit messages - on both parts - discussing what they would like to do to each other in graphic detail.
I posted about it at the time & was/am very grateful for the kindness and support that you all gave me at the time. Not to mention the excellent advice.
Well, fast forward 3 weeks and the "relationship" between H & his OW is well and truly over. I have had plenty of contact with both H, the OW (who still seems to see it all as "harmless fun") and her DP (who strangely didn't see the "fun" in it).
H & I are currently waiting for Relate sessions - they are heavily oversubscribed in our town apparently - and have spent quite a bit of time together talking things through.
H is adamant (and, more fool me maybe, I believe him) that he is now completely ashamed of what he did, loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life proving that he can be trusted. He says he "fell into" the sexting without really thinking about what he was doing - it started with gentle flirting in the office, then moved to flirty texts and eventually Whatsapp messages - all getting more and more full on over the course of roughly 6 weeks. He (and she, although why would I believe her?) both say that they were flattered by the attention, enjoyed feeling "wanted" sexually by someone but ultimately wouldn't have gone through with actual physical sex at the end of the day. I'm not sure how much I believe that part TBH, but I guess I'll never know that.
So, the situation now is that we are still separated but I still love him like mad and do actually see how he could have felt unloved/unwanted sexually by me. I admit I have had a rough few years, one way and another, and have taken quite a bit of it out on H - because I had no-one else to get angry with. H has always wanted to hug me, kiss me, hold my hand etc. I've been pushing him away on that sort of thing for quite some time.
I'm not blaming myself entirely, I would never ever have cheated myself (I just couldn't) and have always loved him utterly and completely. But I haven't always shown it.
So, really, after all that I'm asking whether anyone has ever been in a similar situation and actually managed to make the marriage work again?
Can you ever trust again? Do you ever really forgive? Do you ever get to the point where the things they said to each other aren't permanently in your mind?
Thanks.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
If you tried to repair your marriage after an affair, did it work?
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/02/2016 17:40
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