how and when to introduce the kids?

[ginandmoregin]

Been seeing a really lovely bloke for almost 6 months. Both in the process of getting divorced, both got 2 DC- mine are 8 and 5, his are 9 and 6.

It's getting to the point where we're talking about meeting the DC. In fact my 8yo DD had already kind of guessed that I'm seeing someone! My DC are used to the fact that their dad has a girlfriend, and I think they would be absolutely fine with it, and would probably really like him. I'm a little bit less sure about his DC- neither parent has ever introduced them to a partner, so for them it would be a completely new thing. I don't think he's told his ex yet, so I guess he should tell her first.

What's the best way to go about it? Introduce him to my DC first, then I meet his? Or just all get together at the park or somewhere and treat it like a play date? Or is it still a bit too soon?

[lovelycuppateas]

My children were a similar age when I first started seeing my dp. We now live together and all get on well. We took things pretty slowly. We'd been together about a year before the kids knew he was my boyfriend, then another year before he moved in (he doesn't have dcs, so slightly less complicated).

We never made a big deal of him meeting the kids, he just popped round occasionally for a cup of tea etc, and the kids got to know him as my friend first. It was all very low key and seemed to progress quite naturally. I'd avoid making anything of it at all, so you don't put pressure on the kids (or him, or you!) to be instantly liked by everyone. Above all give everyone lots of time. Good luck!

[ginandmoregin]

Thanks! So was it a while year before they met him, or just a year until they knew he was your boyfriend?

I don't intend to do staying over etc for a long time. But the logistics of only seeing each other when we don't have the kids are getting tricky.

[elliepac]

Slowly slowly is the answer but I agree it is tricky. My situation is slightly different in that DP's children live in another country with their mum and visit during holidays. I introduced DP as my boyfriend about 5 months in. At a point where I was as certain as I could be that he was a keeper. They already knew quite a bit about him so no big surprises. At the time his son was living with him and i had already met his daughter so had established a relatinship with them. So slowly we each established relationships with each others dc's. My two then met his ds and we all spent some weekends together before his ds moved back with his mum. Again, slowly. No pressure just time together. At Christmas, we decided to allow all 4 to meet and spent a few days together and it went really well. Now, when i have my two, dp joins us and we spend time together as a family. Take your lead from your dc's. Do what they are comfortable with and put their needs first. However, it doesn't need to be hard.