keeping a relationship alive

[littleraysofsunshine]

We have three littles under five, another due in 8 weeks.

Relationship isn't great recently..

How do you enjoy couple time? ( non-sexual) what, when, where, etc?

We've let us slip u think and now it's taking its toll and just out of balance

[littleraysofsunshine]

?

[hownottofuckup]

If you're 32 weeks pregnant it's going to be a little tough to do the usual.
It's always worth just trying to be kind though. Small things, and a little affection can go a long way. Communication is a biggy.

[littleraysofsunshine]

I guess. Maybe I do expect too much sometimes but I just feel like we're hardly romantic at all. We do the small things like he brings me up a tea in the morning, sit together in the evenings and talk sometimes or I'll end up going to bed as so tired. I just don't want the attraction/ spark to drift as we raise kids

[Cabrinha]

4 under 5/6? Bloody hell, that's going to put a strain on. First thing I'd do is hold off on number 5!

I think the important thing is explore what you mean my your relationship not being great recently. Perhaps instead of general advice on keeping a relationship alive, you need to think about how you improve on the specific issues that make it not great now. All the date night suggestions in the world won't help if there is something wrong that needs to be addressed.

[littleraysofsunshine]

One that annoys me a lot is when he has a few beers but it turns into every night or every other.

This is a recent thing since day last six months out of the ten years being together, and not really as I'm pregnant but I'm not a big drinker but I just really get annoyed by it, no need for that frequency. Once the kids have gone to bed, he will have them which OK he works hard but so do I but I don't want to make conversation with a half cut person and then we're in separate rooms (I'll be doing work on comp) and he'll be in the other room, what is a healthy reasonable drink pattern?

[littleraysofsunshine]

I don't even remember the last time we snuggled on the sofa... I either read, he watches tv or on his phone playing, or I try to catch up with work stuff or snatch some me time as I never get it anywhere else.

[Pinkheart5915]

We have a son (5 months) and I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with baby number 2.
Me and my hubby watch DVDs and snuggle on sofa once baby is sleeping, take it in turns to cook a nice meal so we can sit at the dinner table and have a chat. If the weather isn't too cold walk baby around the local park.
Once every 3 weeks my parents in law have baby for a few hours in the evening and we go on a "date night"

[littleraysofsunshine]

Just seems like we're not much of a loving couple at the minute. No affection st all... He steers clear as he thinks I'll brush him off and I don't offer any as I'm either too tired, or just not in the mood. Just can't seem to make things better.

[littleraysofsunshine]

I'm really not sure how I feel about birth partner too. It's been dp and SIL for the past three and I wanted them this time but I just think he's really been different this time. We're different people i think. He will be great in that moment but before I need support too.

Also. He has been drinking quite regularly in the evenings and I'm one edge if he will be able to drive, and I will definitely not have him there if half cut. But when mentioned he said "of course j won't be when it's due"

You don't know when it's coming!!!!

I've sacrificed so much but he can't seem to think like an adult who's done this three times

[littleraysofsunshine]

?

[littleraysofsunshine]

Now this isn't something major obviously. But with all four pregnancies I have been completely put off sex. I'm now in the late stages but I just have no interest... My dp seems to be peed off after a month.. I just literally have no go. I feel bad but equally I think I'm within my rights as I feel so tired and anaemia is very bad.

[Pinkheart5915]

How are you getting on?

It's normal to be off sex the last month or so, surely your husband understands this after 4 pregnancy? Tiredness is the worst.

With regards to his drinking do you have another transport to hospital planned? in case the baby came early or such like and he had been drinking?
Have you spoke to him about the support you need and about birth partner?would you be happy with just SIL as a birth partner?

Could you get a babysitter got your children(a aunt or friend maybe?) so you two could go out for a meal and talk or stay in take away and talk?

Could you try going in for a hug on the sofa one night?


I know I'm probably not much help, but thought I'd reply.

[littleraysofsunshine]

To be honest, It just seems like 1. We're not getting on, 2. He doesn't seem phased at all by the birth approaching 3. If I talk about things it's just me being "emotional" and I get the feeling that it just bores him.

I'm just feeling so alone at the minute, when I talk I feel a burden. I have no friends or family I feel comfortable talking to so hence mumsnet.

I'm just frustrated at feeling like he will only be in a nice mood if 1. He's had a drink, 2. We've DTD (which we haven't since early Feb.

I'm not an object.

It's effecting our relationship, not only us but us as parents, muttering words to each other in front of the kids, shouting when it gets much, and I just feel like what is the point?

We parent differently now and that's hard. Then it stems another row.

I just feel were growing apart and resenting each other. He doesn't see it this way, he sees no issue.

I just feel that he has changed the past year or so. Insensitive more so.

[haveacupoftea]

Apparently men feel most loved when they have had sex. Different to how we feel, but not necessarily bad; it's not called 'making love' for no reason. So try to understand perhaps he's feeling a little lonely too. Especially considering you seem to spend your evenings working?

You're both entertaining yourselves in the way that makes you happy but maybe you need to focus on each other, and not on yourselves. You have identified a problem, so you need to take the first step.

Tbh it doesn't sound as though he's doing anything badly wrong. Having a couple of drinks in the evening and looking at your phone is pretty normal behavior. Cut him some slack.

[haveacupoftea]

Ps read Mars and Venus in the bedroom. It explains how men and women think differently about sex.

[littleraysofsunshine]

He's drinking most evenings to he point of being unable to drive... He's my birth partner in three weeks

[littleraysofsunshine]

It's not even just about sex.

I just feel like we live together. We have kids, that's it. Nothing romantic at all.

[curlywurly4]

Bloody hell haveacup you'll be saying but men have needs next. Totally normal to go off sex in pregnancy and nothing to feel bad about.

Little I completely understand why the drinking would bother you. It puts you on different wave lengths for one but its also important to feel like he's there for you and understands this is a vulnerable time. Last thing you need is a half cut birth partner.

What does he say when you talk to him about the drinking?