I've heard of precious firstborn syndrome and wonder whether my husband has it or his paranoia and lashing out at me over the things I do for my baby is somehow his way of trying to gain control of me and my patenting style.
Some examples of things I would allow that he thinks are deplorable include:
- giving DS golf balls at 12 months old to run down a second hand ball maze we were given that didn't have the original balls with it. DS was enthralled the first time he put a ball on the ramp himself and watched it go all the way down. Apparently too potentially hazardous. Golf balls back in their box at bottom of the wardrobe out of harms way.
- Not putting safety clips on our Citi Jogger Mini GT pushchair every time we use it. (For those of you familiar with this model, you'll probably not do this either - pushchair doesn't need them, manufacturers suggest you use them, presumably to cover their backs legally in case anything does happen when using them).
- when DS was 6 months old putting a cellotape-sealed glass salt and pepper bottle containing rice granules that he could shake in his treasure basket along with a beach pebble for sensory exploration. (Treasure basket long since decommissioned, but this still gets brought up against me).
- oh, so many more piddly little things, I won't bore you with the details...
DS is 13 months and I'm 4.5 months pregnant with the 2nd, but my husband has been like this since day 1 with DS. We've struggled to adapt to parenthood as a couple and things often take a turn for the worse with our relationship... I dread to consider this will worsen when DC#2 comes into the world... I suffered from postnatal depression the first time round and having your parenting decisions questioned at every little turn is demoralising in the best of circumstances, especially when you put every ounce of your energy and existence into making sure your child is cared for in the best possible way.
His argument would be that if things upset him, I should listen to him as the other parent and that I'm too controlling and make all the decisions on my own without consideration to him. This is difficult when I'm the primary carer as he's at work all day. Maybe I am too quick to dismiss his opinion as 'ridiculously paranoid', and am definitely in the liberal parent camp that you shouldn't wrap your kids in cotton wool but provide them with a safe and loving environment to explore filled with a wealth of sensory experiences. It's tough when there's a divergence of opinion...
I just wondered if anyone else had a husband or partner like this, and could let me know I'm not on my own? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.