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What does it mean if he says he is addicted to you?

(18 Posts)
tushy889 Thu 11-Feb-16 20:42:31

I have had a short, no strings relationship with someone. I am in my last couple of years where I am probably fertile and so I am looking to settle down and he is in the opposite place in his life so we always knew it was just a bit of fun. I never took it in as anything more and neither did he, we always knew the score.

I have tried to break it off and stop seeing him and start seeing men who can give me the marriage, children and the things I want out of life but no matter how hard we both try we always, always end up back together again.

He says he is addicted to me, that he can't stay away from me and that he can't completely let go and both of us are having problems with the physical side with anyone else (we just can't do it) and I feel the same way as he does.

Does this mean we have fallen in love?

Or just good sex?

And if it is just good sex, is it better to just stop trying to fight it and enjoy it for a year or two and not think about the future or is it best to go no contact and completely block him out of my life?

NeedsAMousekatool Thu 11-Feb-16 20:45:59

Tbh it seems to me that he likes having you around as a low hassle enjoyable shag, and he's trying to stop you meeting anyone else and stop his access. It certainly doesn't sound like love. If you're looking for more I don't think he'll ever give you more and you should end it with him for good. Sorry if that sounded harsh.

AtrociousCircumstance Thu 11-Feb-16 20:46:02

Don't give up your desired future for a temporary period of good sex.

'I'm addicted to you' sounds romantic but isn't. He really likes having sex with you but there's no more to it than that. Also it creates a powerful sense of attachment - which can happen with anyone really, in the right circumstances. Attachment is a bugger like that. It creates an illusion of deep connection but it isn't real beyond that moments feeling.

Cut him off and move on. It will be had at first but will get easier, and before long you will be so grateful you did it.

Trills Thu 11-Feb-16 20:47:14

What does it mean if he says he is addicted to you?

It means he's a melodramatic unoriginal person. HTH.

Caprinihahahaha Thu 11-Feb-16 20:51:24

Oh lord. It means 'I want to create the illusion of deep feeling but without any commitment'

Addiction implies loss of control. He is telling you he intends to do what he likes with no accountability because he 'can't help it'

Addiction also implies he has no agency, personal responsibility. He's addicted, poor didums.

There's also the unpleasant connotation to Things That Are Bad For You: drugs, alcohol...

It can be a romantic term. I don't think it is in this case.

tipsytrifle Thu 11-Feb-16 21:11:53

If someone was addicted to me I'd be scared. Addiction entails being out of control, in the grip of total possessive need and extremes of highs and lows. It's life consuming, not life enhancing. Not healthy, imo. It also seems to go against what you said you wanted from life? Are you addicted to him too?

Norest Thu 11-Feb-16 21:14:28

It means that he is A. completely immature and corny, and not willing to accept any sort of emotional responsibility for anything that might happen between you both 'oh I couldn't help it, so addicted' blah. bleurgh and puke.

but more importantly it means

B. that he is such a selfish wanker he is willing to help you risk the 'last couple of fertile years' you have on jumping up and down on his dick.

Sorry to be blunt but if he gave the slightest shit about you as a person, he would not be spouting this BS at you and would be acitvely encouraging you to be seeking what it is you said you really want...i.e a long term, stable, child-rearing sort of relationship.

IrianofWay Fri 12-Feb-16 10:28:16

It means he needs to grow up.

TheNaze73 Fri 12-Feb-16 10:39:42

You're not getting what you want out of life, so move on.

eloquent Fri 12-Feb-16 10:42:48

Cut all ties.

I've had to do it recently and I'm in the "needing" contact phase and really want to message him.
But I'm resisting. And this guy has been really bad for me. So I'd assume its worse when that's not the case.

You need to get on with your life. You're in limbo right now.

SoThatHappened Fri 12-Feb-16 10:48:37

Tbh it seems to me that he likes having you around as a low hassle enjoyable shag, and he's trying to stop you meeting anyone else and stop his access.

This.

I was too blind to see it, but some guy kept future faking with me, speaking of future events etc. Then I found out he was only using me.

He was telling me this things to keep me around as his dial a lay until he got someone else he wanted.

People who do and say things like this are extraordinarily selfish and tbh that is basically who they are. I cannot believe they can be so totally selfish as to use someone for sex and be callous to them and then be totally and utterly selfless and loving and a perfect partner to the next person.

velourvoyageur Fri 12-Feb-16 11:00:46

In a stable healthy relationship where both of you want the same thing I think it's a sweet thing to say.

But in your situation it's really unfair & no one should be saying things like that. He should be making things easier on you but he's doing the opposite!

Even if he is in love, you want something different to what he can give you and since both are aware of this he should back off and not throw huge spanners in the works like that.

springscoming Fri 12-Feb-16 11:02:55

It means you need to run away and find a man and ditch the drama llama grin

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Fri 12-Feb-16 11:04:34

It's a line he's feeding you to keep you at the other end of the phone as his dial-a-shag.

Sorry, but that's all it is. He doesn't really want you, but he doesn't want you to be unavailable to him when he's horny.

NotnowNigel Fri 12-Feb-16 11:10:57

Poor OP. I suspect that wasn't what she wanted to hear!

Honestly though I think some of these men see you coming and say any old shit just to get a shag and have a great laugh at your expense.

ImperialBlether Fri 12-Feb-16 11:13:34

I think in this case it means he doesn't want a permanent relationship but that you will be his first go-to when he wants sex.

He's not what you want, is he? Let him go and get addicted to someone else.

velourvoyageur Fri 12-Feb-16 11:33:30

Nigel shit I didn't realise, sorry OP sad I can imagine that you wanted to hear something more positive. I do have a lot of sympathy for how horribly difficult this must be for you.
No one behaves perfectly all the time. But it is true that he is not behaving very well now - one off or not, I don't know, but it does sound like cutting ties would be healthier. Maybe a trial separation with absolutely no contact?

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