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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

A good first date! Online dating o'clock

20 replies

Excited101 · 10/02/2016 20:20

So, finally, after approximately 18 months of online dating (but not half as many 1st dates as you'd think in that time) I've actually been out with someone who it looks like I might be seeing again!

He was more shy than I would normally go for- didn't really ask me much but saying that, I'm pretty talkative and aren't keen on awkward silences so I chatted a fair lot and asked him quite a bit. We had a good laugh when I apologised for doing all the talking!

We went back to his... Just for some decent snogging before I left! I've never even done any sort of kiss on a first date before, so that was interesting! Certainly not complaining though. It was nice to find that although he was quite shy in some ways, he wasn't in others!

We've had quite a few messages since, though it's seen a while since the last one now, which I'm a bit disturbed about but he's been pretty on/off with messaging even from the beginning so I'm trying not to read too much into it. There was a mention of meeting up again on Monday so we shall see.

He seemed really nice, and really genuine but above all I'm excited to have had a date that I actually really enjoyed!

OP posts:

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SavageBeauty73 · 10/02/2016 22:00

Good luck. Sounds promising.

HandyWoman · 10/02/2016 22:04

Wow, that's brilliant! I would try and fail not to get too excited but given that OLD is a needle-in-haystack affair I say go you! Hope date No.2 happens and is even better!!!

TheNaze73 · 10/02/2016 22:35

Don't get too het up, by the lack of messaging. I personally think it should be used to set up the next date & that's it. Wouldn't look into that too much at all. Good luck, I think he sounds like a good un'

Excited101 · 12/02/2016 15:15

I'm trying not to worry- on the one hand I genuinely believe he's a decent guy and he seemed keen enough. But equally, do you not think there'd be more communication? I've still heard nothing... Since Tuesday night. I'm normally a pretty decent judge of character but logic is trying to get in the way.

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Itisbetternow · 12/02/2016 15:39

Has he thanked you for a nice night?

Excited101 · 12/02/2016 15:58

We messaged after I left throughout my taxi home, I thanked him and he said it was nothing more than I deserved and we pencilled in another date for Monday. (Though this was after drinking...!) the following day we had a few messages in the morning then nothing until that evening when he asked how my day had been. I replied and have heard nothing since... It just seems a bit, nothingy. Does he not want to know how my weeks been going? Are t you normally interested if you like someone? Ex dp and I would message all the time and I don't know how much communication I should expect! I'm not very experienced in dates where you actually might go out again...

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Oysterbabe · 12/02/2016 17:08

Maybe send him a message asking how his week has been and whether he has any nice plans for the weekend?

Excited101 · 12/02/2016 19:44

I wasn't sure if I should as I was the one to send the last message and didn't get a reply... This dating lark is hard work! I didn't want to message again without a reply as I didn't want to keep on at him if he isn't actually fussed.

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Excited101 · 13/02/2016 21:30

I sent him another reply last night... nothing major just a how was your week and a jokey comment. It's not even been read.

After a shitty week this has been the icing on the cake. I feel far more sad about this than I should do, I know that. I'm just not sure how many knock backs I can take, this is awful. How could I have got it so wrong?!

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SteadyHand · 13/02/2016 21:47

Poor you this dating game is so disheartening. I'm about to give up in it altogether I think!
It's such a shame that he didn't reply to your last message, as you seemed so positive and excited after the first date. Perhaps don't give up hope until tomorrow night- he may still message you to sure up the details of your Monday date...

Excited101 · 13/02/2016 21:53

I just feel so sad and out of my depth. I'm sure on dates I appear so confident and sure of myself and at the time and in many ways I am but I felt sure that it would lead (at least) to a second date- it really felt assumed and when I was on my way home we were messaging about it. I probably follow my heart rather than my head too much but I want to be a hopeful and loving person than all bitter, but I'm starting to feel naive and stupid instead.

I know he's been online, why would he not read it?!

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Rebecca2014 · 13/02/2016 22:04

It sucks but if a man is interested he will contact you and you will know he is keen.

I been on a lot of dates from od, but what I learnt is you can chase a guy but it rarely leads anywhere long term unless he is chasing you. Old fashion but just way it is. I been seeing a guy for 3 weeks now, he phones me everyday more often more than once just to speak to me. If a guy likes you, your know.

choceclair123 · 13/02/2016 22:30

I don't think it's a good idea to be the first to message men, and / or to respond too quickly. I think you really need to let them do the chasing. Start as you mean to go on. I'm sure this doesn't apply in all cases but generally I think you're better leaving it up to them.

choceclair123 · 13/02/2016 22:31

Spot on Rebecca

Excited101 · 14/02/2016 14:34

I didn't chase him, not really. Only the message I sent on Friday was the slightest hint of a 'chase' the one before that was a reply to the message he sent me asking how my day has gone. He was the one who said about meeting up next Monday.

I just don't get it, I know you're right in so many ways Rebecca, but life is not always black and white and I've been trying to do all the things you're meant to do- put myself out there, make the first move, chase up any opportunities etc. each disappointment is crushing more than the one before it and I hate that it's bringing me down so much, it feels so pathetic.

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Itisbetternow · 14/02/2016 23:03

Best solution I've always found is to get back on OD and start again. He was obviously not what he seemed and so it is onwards and upwards. Don't give up there are nice men on OD just got to keep looking.

Excited101 · 14/02/2016 23:20

Ok, so I sent him a final message of- 'hey, I know we said about meeting up tomorrow night but you seem to have gone a bit quiet, have you had a change of heart? (Was the the suggestion of dodgy pjs??) anyway, I'm still up for it if you are, just let me know' and I actually got a reply! Saying he's been at his sisters all weekend with his nieces and nephews and he might have to pop to (another part of the country) tommrrow to pick up a car he's bought but he'll let me know. He also wished me a happy Valentine's Day.

So, yes, I'm so pleased I got a reply but I'm also aware that it's not ideal... I feel at least like I'm going into it a bit more on my guard and with my eyes open.

I know, I know- whatever warnings you've all got for me, I know them. I've dated and given advice about dating long enough to know the logic of if. I just feel a bit happier now he's got back to me (at least) and I don't feel like such a crazy that I'd imagined how well the date had gone.

As much as I probably sound like a massively desperate person I promise that in person I'm a lot more cool, calm and collected... It's just so much harder with the ambiguity of messaging.

Thank you for all your advice. It's been a shitty week and a shitty weekend. Tomorrow is the start of a new week and it's going to be better.

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SteadyHand · 15/02/2016 13:07

Have you hard any more today?

SteadyHand · 15/02/2016 13:08

Heard, not hard.

Excited101 · 15/02/2016 17:18

Nope, I replied to his message just saying ok, and that the new car is exciting. He's not been online since 7:30 this morning now but I think he starts his new job today.

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