I've name changed to post this as I'm honestly really embarrassed to be posting this at my age, I'm no spring chicken!!
Background is I had a very dysfunctional upbringing, I realise now my mother had severe emotional/mental problems. This would manifest itself in her always expecting me to be "perfect" if I was anything less she would threaten to pack her bags and leave because I was so "bad" or pack my bags and send me to a childrens' home. My father was never interested in me, I was frequently told I was a "mistake".
Neither parent ever showed me any affection in any form.
Despite all this I think I've done OK in life, however in the last few years, especially in my relationships, well what passes as relationships, I have always had deep anxieties especially concerning being abandoned.
It's not helped that anyone I have ever been close to has hurt me badly by letting me down, my ExH cheated on me with someone I considered a friend.
Recently I've met someone who I thought was really nice.
To get it out of the way I'm a fair bit older than him! Nonetheless he was very keen and we have been seeing each other for about 3 months now.
But anxieties are beginning to creep in, he works long hours but he does make a huge effort to see me during the week and (usually) most weekends, this means he stays at my flat roughly 3/4 nights a week. He is divorced and sees his kids every 3 weeks and has them all weekend, I've not met them yet.
Lately I've felt very "sidelined" - not by his kids I hasten to add, they are of course his main priority and I would think less of them if they were not. But by the fact that if his friend or his dad want him to spend time with him I've been dropped regardless of any plans we have made. For example it was "very important" according to his dad that my bf go to a discount store with him so he left me on Sunday morning, my only day off, to take him only to find when he went to collect him he had "forgotten". I don't think his dad disapproves of his son's older GF and is deliberately vying for his attention to wind me up. I'm never included in any trips to see his dad and in fact even though I bought his dad's birthday gift I was pointedly told his small birthday get together was "family only" - slightly unnecessary as there is only my bf as family - I think he meant you're not welcome, not that I would have dreamed of gatecrashing anyway.
My bf also has let me down when he has promised to take me anywhere, we were meant to go for a meal 3 weeks ago but I'm still waiting as he always makes other plans. My negative inner voice keeps saying he's treating me like a fuck-buddy not a girlfriend.
I know this is all mental and I'm hoping posters will tell me these are all just my issues coming to the surface. I just wish all these dark thoughts would vanish but i'm so scared of being let down again that I think I project too far into the future and I'm on the defensive right away.
Sorry for the long post - now tell me I'm paranoid!
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Relationships
Is this just my insecurities rearing their head?
6 replies
confused2016 · 09/02/2016 09:54
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