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How do you move on

(14 Posts)
Angieyy1 Mon 08-Feb-16 17:04:44

Just curious as to how you've moved on when you have split with some one with regards to meeting some one else.

It's only been 5 weeks and have no intention to meet anyone yet I'm still wanting him so much but I know I don't want to be on my own forever.

I go to college and it's an all girls class, I work in the beauty industry and its all women.

My friends are all in relationships or have small children so we don't go out much and feel as we've got older we don't have the same interest... I do not want to go on a dating website as it makes me depressed just to think what is left out their as I'm nearly 39...

Is their any positive stories I'm in a woman's world with no male company or interaction

Xx

donajimena Mon 08-Feb-16 17:14:23

I took a bit of time out to brush myself down and heal.
erm, then I went online and met someone so much better than my ex.
Don't be so down on OLD. Its probably due to people who dismiss it out of hand that I was lucky enough to snap up my gorgeous partner!
I couldn't have done it at 5 weeks though as I wasn't emotionally ready and I agree it would have depressed the hell out of me.
Take a bit of time to develop new interests and reconnect with old ones.
I'm a lone parent and I work alone so I wasn't going to meet a soul unless I was pro active.
I hope you feel better soon x

HotNatured Mon 08-Feb-16 17:28:34

You are really doing yourself a disservice by ruling out OLD. I'm 41 and my DP is the most amazingly gorgeous, handsome, kind, successful man I have ever met, and I found him on Tinder. I also count myself as something of a catch and am certainly not desperate or washed up, I get plenty of real life offers and attention, but nobody I was really interested in, I used OLD to filter out men until I found the guy I'm dating now. He is literally perfect for me in every sense, everything I have ever hoped for, and more.

OLD doesn't have the sad reputation it once had, it's not littered with losers and freaks, it's like anything; all walks of life OLD now.

Robotgirl Mon 08-Feb-16 17:38:42

Met my boyfriend on a blind date
He's my friend's neighbour
Wasn't expecting that.
I'm nearly 39 . We are still young!
I gave it about a year before embarking on the dating game again & have had some counselling.
Loved it being just me & my daughter for a year. Helped me sort out who I am & what I want again....

Angieyy1 Mon 08-Feb-16 17:45:09

That's so nice to here, you have a lovely story and I think for my age Iv been told I am attractive and look younger, but that's nothing when You think your a lil bit of a mess mentally .

... Iv had nothing of failed relationships because I attract the wrong men my first boyfriend at 16 was violent and tried to commit suicide several time when I tried to leave I ended up having to leave for a while .... I then met some one else who was no better and he's now feared dead he went missing years ago and has never been since

..... After that I met my sons dad who I was with for 16 years he was never violent but he mentally abused me and manipulated me ....

He bugged or home and had an affair had a different name and a whole different life whilst living with me he married her and they now have 2 children

I then met a young guy who was just ment to be fun but he turned out to be just like my first boyfriend and then I met my last ex who nothing like any of them I finally thought I'd found the perfect guy and after 2 years he's decided I'm not what he wants.

So here I find myself heartbroken and truly scared because I don't trust myself anymore to make the right choices for my life after all I never have looking back .... I have a heart of gold and would do anything to help others out .....

I once gave a begger my last bit of change I had and walked a mile home at least I had a home to go to that's the kind of person I am ....

So Im so scared and just want my old life back with my ex and know it will never happen xx

pumpkinmoon1 Mon 08-Feb-16 17:47:01

I've had to move on many times, although I can remember what it was like, I am struggling with the idea myself at the moment because I am also trying to move on, we split yesterday although I don't think he has it in his head yet that it has to be over, but basically he told me yesterday that he is still, and I quote, 'Head over heels in love with his ex' who he broke up with over 10 year ago.

The key ingredient is time. That is all. It took me 4 months to get over a relationship before. I think I was on the brink of dying as I lost two st, I reached 6 st just by staring at the wall for 4 months. I was severely depressed and could not see a way out. I never ever though I would get over him but I did.

Keep posting, it really helps. Try to drink water regularly. Little things.

donajimena Mon 08-Feb-16 17:59:48

I don't know how often you read this board but on any problem the (mostly) sound advice given helped me raise my standards massively. I also read a website called baggage reclaim which opened my eyes.
Reading here passed the time while I was heartbroken and I could see so many behaviours of my former partners in the OPs.
So hang around. You'll soon be more confident.

Angieyy1 Mon 08-Feb-16 18:16:02

Thank you, I have only just joined last week.... And find it does ease my mind for a little while whilst reading other people's post and posting myself ... I have been quiet I'll in the past I had postnatal depression with psychosis when my son was born so I was very ill for 5 years I never thought I'd recover from it or be here to talk ....but I am and i haven't taken any medication since he was 3 he's now 14 ....it has left me with obsessive and ruminating thoughts when I am anxious or stressed .... This last 6 months I have felt so strong mentally and just a sense of calmness in my mind that I have never had before and now this and I'm back to been anxious and feeling panicky....

I have thought so long to be at a place I was and I'm scared all my hard work will be undone if that makes sense

pumpkinmoon1 Mon 08-Feb-16 19:06:52

It does make sense. I really tried to work on myself to get to a place where I was happy on my own, I have no family really and live with my dog. It's been a hell of a struggle and I swore to myself that I would never settle for anything less that I deserve. I lost my mother to cancer in Oct 2013 and the family dropped off the radar gradually to the point now where I barely exist to them. I won't get into why I think this happened. Being so completely alone has been scary, but I really hope that it has made me stronger even if I do not feel that way now after the shit sandwich I have been force fed over the weekend. We will get there again. Just give it time. I am right there with you. You will meet someone again, as will I.

Angieyy1 Mon 08-Feb-16 19:30:31

Pumpkin

Sorry to here about what you have been through, you sound extremely strong.... at the moment I don't feel I'm any good at giving any advice to others ..... I do know I need to be on my own as that's the right thing to do to heal and it makes sense..... It's whether I can find the strength to... How do you find yourself ?

pumpkinmoon1 Mon 08-Feb-16 19:48:20

I don't feel strong. I've known I would have to end the relationship for a long time though. This past weekend just gave me the major push off the cliff that I needed. I know all the feelings, I know how to get through it in my head but it never gets any easier. I do know that it will pass though with time. We're you happy with your ex before you broke up?

Angieyy1 Mon 08-Feb-16 20:34:50

i had problems with him not wanting to spend time with me anymore I felt he was pulling away but always had some viable Exscuse.

I asked him time and time again if we were ok and even before Xmas and he said yes even on the way home from his parents he talked about buying a house and me moving in with him back home

So when we'd just got back and he told me he was going home again that weekend I'd be on my own I told him if he did he would be single and he just went

I told him it wasn't what I wanted and did the whole shameless begging for him back but looking back I was provoked and he didn't want this only he manipulated me into doing it first to make it look like it was me and not him ....

I still want him , find him so attractive and love him

All I look like is a crazy woman that he will be relieved to be away from he just didint have the guts to do it himself first he's a coward and a liar in my eyes xx

pumpkinmoon1 Tue 09-Feb-16 14:45:34

That's the thing. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you. Good on you for laying that boundary too. I wish I had many times in the last 6 months. Instead, I just turned into a pathetic sap keeping my weekends free in case he wanted to do something, waiting around for him to come back on Sunday evening, after spendng almost EVERY sunday afternoon alone when I wished I had someone I could just go out walking with.

You deserve better. Just try to pick more wisely next time. I hope you are feeling okay today x

OwlCurrency Tue 09-Feb-16 14:59:19

If you love someone, you keep giving them chances. But it makes you fall out of love with yourself, rather than them. Have been there myself and still working off the feelings of loathing I have for myself after being rejected by someone I would have done anything for.

Advice on moving on? Cut them out of your life completely. Delete their number. Block them on social media. They're terminally selfish and not worth a second of thought.

When you inevitably do have thoughts about them, make yourself change the subject in your head.

Get a project, like a short fitness program or an active hobby. Something that will make you feel capable again.

Read, watch films, watch boxsets.

Stay in contact with friends. Contact old friends.

Yes, use OLD. But keep your expectations low. Tinder connects you to people nearby and can even find friends of friends from Facebook. If someone is dumb, stop talking to them. If they're interesting, meet up for a coffee. There are no obligations. And yes, there are lots of single guys out there who are not available because they are slim pickings. Relationships end all the time.

And don't feel like you are alone. You are not the only one in this boat!

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