Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

update ex walked of 32 weeks pregnant

(18 Posts)
hurtandconfued2016 Sun 07-Feb-16 19:55:34

so after trying to be nice and civil and everything with my ex who walked out on me at 32 weeks pregnant and our 2 year old son.
I have had enough, he last seen our son on Thursday and was supposed to let me know if he wanted to see our son before next Sunday and he hadn't bothered letting me know.
then yesterday I was in town with some work friends having drinks ( well they where drinking) and we ended up in a restaurant and who walked in an hour later my ex and the ow!
well I thought I would have lost my stuff but I didn't instead I just went over to them and said hi and just said to them so much for nothing happening with her and that I'm not going to play nice anymore and that it's all done legal now!
he literally looked at me like I was a bit of dirt on his shoe!
but it was great to finally put a face to the ow!
so I have made a lawyers appointment for first thing tomorrow to get everything sorted!
I called his parents to say I have moved 90% of my stuff out the house and will get the big stuff later in the week and all they where worried about was that I didn't take the couches. not that their heavily pregnant ex daughter in law was moving all the stuff on her own!
so that's me no more mrs miss girl!

AlwaysHopeful1 Sun 07-Feb-16 20:16:33

I'm sorry you had to go through thisthanks
What a piece of scum to walk out on you heavily pregnant and on your son too. No good man would do this.
As for that ow, says she's equally scum to think going out and proud with someone who has left their wife in this position. They deserve each other.
As for his parents reaction, well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I think you are well rid of the lot of them.

hurtandconfued2016 Sun 07-Feb-16 22:39:23

always hopeful thank you very much! I was feeling great and strong all day until I had to pack up all my stuff and found all the cards and things he made me over the years and that's put me back to feeling like crap!
his parents had been trying to support/be the mediator in all of this but they couldn't understand why I am so heartbroken all they say is you have to get over it he's moved on! I would have been okay had he moved on later on down the line not 3 weeks before I have his daughter x

Angieyy1 Sun 07-Feb-16 22:50:39

What kind of woman would be with him knowing your pregnant ? What an absolute grrrr what hope does she have with him he's shown who he is and will do the same with her ....

That's his character and what a horrible one at that xx

AlwaysHopeful1 Sun 07-Feb-16 22:50:43

Just take each day as it comes, there will be good and bad especially now with all the emotions of a new baby. Do you have rl support op? Do you have someone to be with you for the birth and to take care of ds?
You are a strong woman, even if you don't think you are. Your Dc is blessed to have one parent who did right by them. smile

Curlywurly4 Sun 07-Feb-16 23:03:33

So sorry this is happening to you. What a total bastard. Are you married? I would get some advice before leaving the family home. Is parents sound equally dreadful. Hope you have support in your side.

Mummystar123 Sun 07-Feb-16 23:07:42

Check sounds like a shitbag and you and your kids are wort thousands of him and his OW! You will look back and be glad that you saw him for what he really is sooner rather than later.
All I can offer you is hugs and friendship ( I'm also pregnant and newly single!).
It hurts like hell but I promise it will start feeling better, I'm at the ' sort out my life without him in it' stage now😘

hurtandconfued2016 Sun 07-Feb-16 23:14:57

well when I went over to them in the restaurant she just looked at me as I was crying holding my belly it was as if she didn't give a toss!! but I don't know what I expected I know if I was her I would have left mortified not stay and have a romatic meal with him.
he still wants to be at the birth :/ me being as stupid and in love as I am is thinking maybe if he sees me brig our daughter into the world he will come back and realise what a mistake he has made sad
he is now making it out like it was all my fault I was emotionally abusive and things like that when all I ever done was try to encourage him to be the person he was when I met him, with joining the police and things like that!
I had moved back to my parents till I find somewhere else once I'm back on my feet. as much as they have been a great support my mum is currently just about to have cancer treatment started :/
his family still want our son but his dad only wants him on the days he is working because he needs to have a life! oh btw last week he had a go at me for him paying the mortgage (I have not taken a penny off this man since we bought the house for everything else including clothing and feeding our child!) and that I was having this great life not paying for the house! I was paying the gas &elwctric bought everything for the new baby and I'm on maternity leave! so we had a deal I wouldn't ask for maintenance for the kids and he would put it towards te mortgage till the house could be sold! but he said he can't have a life because he has no money!!
no we weren't married just living as a married couple. I have had to leave due to them coming into the house whenever it suited them and also if ex was picking up our son he would bring one of his family members with him!(I'm 5" they are all over 6"2 and every time they came in they would start an argument I was taken to hospital with a nervous breakdown becaus of it)

FellOutOfBedTwice Sun 07-Feb-16 23:19:56

Wow. What an absolute scum bag. There's low and then there's leaving your pregnant girlfriend and son. Hope he gets his cumuppance. Unmumsnetty hugs OP. You'll emerge from this stronger.

Curlywurly4 Sun 07-Feb-16 23:57:24

Funny you mention the police. My ex BIL is a copper and did something very similar to my SIL when she was 7 months pregnant. She's doing amazingly these days and he's just going from one disaster to another. Karma.

Sorry about your mum. Sounds like you've got so much on your plate. thanks

hurtandconfued2016 Mon 08-Feb-16 11:17:52

I think it hurts more when all I can see in my head the way he was looking at her in the restaurant it was the way he looked at me 4 weeks ago!
how is it possible to hate someone and love them this way??

silverfoxofwarwick1952 Mon 08-Feb-16 11:28:56

his family still want our son but his dad only wants him on the days he is working because he needs to have a life!

The above ^ 100% guaranteed that he will dump the OW one day when things start to get more committed between them and certainly no later than they ever have children together. 100% guaranteed - seen it countless times, without fail.

OP, sorry to hear what you are feeling, but not sorry to hear the selfish, shallow rat is out of your life. Things can only get better, though you will not agree now of course. Build great relationships with your children, for now and always and wait for a real person to find you.

MissFlight Mon 08-Feb-16 11:37:30

Christ, what an absolute piece of shit, and what sort of woman wants to even consider going out with a man that would behave in such a way? They deserve each other.
I really feel for you op flowers

goddessofsmallthings Mon 08-Feb-16 14:04:29

he still wants to be at the birth :/ me being as stupid and in love as I am is thinking maybe if he sees me bring our daughter into the world he will come back and realise what a mistake he has made

Your life isn't a Hollywood movie and this isn't going to happen.

If you allow him to be present at the birth he'll have a grandstand view of your intimate bits and he'll then swan off off to toast the new arrival with his ow, with whom he's no doubt already planning to have more dc, while you are left crying over your newborn.

Scrape what's left of your self-respect off the floor and start getting goddam angry. As his equally unfeeling family (apples don't fall far from trees) have told you "he's moved on" and you're best advised to follow through with what you said to him in the restaurant.

If he wants to see ds he can do so on days when he's NOT working as your son deserves to have quality time with his df and not be palmed off to other family members.

He doesn't get to be present at the birth of dd, nor does he get to go with you to the Registry Office for his name to be put on her birth certificate. If he wants to see her it will be at your convenience i.e at a time and place of your choosing. Please note that not naming him on the birth cert won't prevent you from claiming maintenance for her.

Not being married to this utter scumbag gives you an advantage. From now on you call the shots and don't demean yourself by begging for crumbs from his table. Fwiw, a man who believes he 'can't have a life because he has no money' is unlikely to shell out on court fees in order to have contact with his dc and the chances are he'll become an absentee parent once he realises that you mean business and he doesn't get to pick and choose when he has ds.

You'll make a much better life for you and your dc without this unprincipled piece of gobshite in it and I have no doubt that in time you will come to realise that you are better off without him.

Concentrate on your family and support your dm as much as you can. These flowers are for her with my sincere best wishes for a successful outcome from her treatment. And this wine is for you to enjoy after your dd's birth with those who genuinely care for you keeping you company throughout an unstressful labour.

PS If you can take the couches I suggest you do so and donate them to Oxfam if you don't want them grin

hurtandconfued2016 Mon 08-Feb-16 17:53:13

I know I suppose it was just wishful thinking as I'm still so in love with him. also is love with idea of my family being one.
I am having a section on the 1st, as for him having more kids he had already said to me he didn't want kids before we met and that the one I am carrying I am carrying because it was the only way he felt like he could pretend to love me.
I have an appointment at 3 tomorrow with the lawyer, I had emailed him (it's the only way I can contact him as he has blocked my number) about seeing our son tomorrow but once again no reply! I Also had to watch the way I word it as he has told me I am not allowed to know what his days off are.
I have said about him not having him when he is working and that's when he says I'm an unfit mother and that he is going to take my kids off me as I'm using them as a weapon so he can't have a life.
she is disgusting in my eyes and he will get bored of her like he does with everything!
I can't wait to have a wine haha!!
as for the couches I couldn't move them sad but I will not be leaving them in the condition they are in!

FellOutOfBedTwice Mon 08-Feb-16 18:31:19

Yeah, because a judge would award this fucking prick man full custody of the kids. He's a really fit parent. What an absolute arsehole.

MissFlight Mon 08-Feb-16 18:35:56

There's no way this prick wants full custody, he's just using that as a stick to beat you with to get his own way, so try not to worry too much about that.

hurtandconfued2016 Mon 08-Feb-16 20:59:46

you know what's sad is his mum loves seeing my son and my son loves seeing her! but my situation with her son is making it difficult and I feel bad for punishing her. I know thru this whole things she has stood by her son and stuff as a mother would do but she does love seeing my son!
well still no reply from ex about watching our son tomorrow and he's off! so peed off

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now