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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

To have walked out of a film as friend was sleeping through it

85 replies

maketheworldgoaway · 07/02/2016 14:49

I was a bit unreasonable but I'm handing this over to the MN jury.

I've been friends with my BF for 20 years. There are lots of lovely things about him but sometimes I feel I'm in a controlling relationship!.

Back a few months ago he told me he thought my world is a bit small and there are lots of things he'd like to do with me that I say no to. This is true. There are lots of things he's suggested that I have no interest in but we see each other at least once a week anyway.

I was upset at the time but then thought maybe I should be more open minded and spontaneous so this year I've made an effort to say yes to more invitations.

We had dinner on Monday and he asked me to see a film today with him and his partner. I had no interest in seeing the film but he said his partner really wanted to see it and really wanted me to come so I agreed.

Today we went for brunch in the venue he wanted at the time he wanted even though I told him it would be difficult for me to get there at that time.

When we walked into the cinema his partner said 'I hope you enjoy the film because I'm not a fan'. Turned out friend had told me and his partner that the other really wanted to go and wanted the other to come.

I felt really pissed off at being manipulated but didn't want to cause a scene so went into the film. Friend fell asleep straight away and after 30 mins watching a shit film with him asleep I couldn't be arsed to watch the rest so woke him up and said I was leaving. I wasn't angry and I gave him a kiss and quietly left.

I sent a text after apologising for being rude but said I was bored and he was asleep so I wanted to leave.

He's now ignoring my texts and calls and I feel that yes I was rude but not as rude as him!.

Who's U here?.

OP posts:

Report

brummiesue · 07/02/2016 14:52

I wouldn't have bothered waking him, would have just left, he's clearly an incredibly selfish individual

IguanaTail · 07/02/2016 14:52

Both of you. He is unreasonable and you should have prodded him awake and told him you were going.

bornwithaplasticspoon · 07/02/2016 14:52

YANBU. He doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

Whycantweallgetalong · 07/02/2016 14:53

I really want to know now (sorry!), is it the same shit film I fell asleep, 'Dirty grandpa' by any chance?

gamerchick · 07/02/2016 14:53

I wouldn't have woken him up to let him know.

Do you get anything out of being his friend? It sounds like a lot of work. Let him stew.

Sparkletastic · 07/02/2016 14:54

He sounds high maintenance. I'd leave him to stew and cool off the friendship for a while.

llhj · 07/02/2016 14:54

Bizarre relationship you seem to have there. I don't really get the dynamic.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 07/02/2016 14:54

she did do that iguana

DoreenLethal · 07/02/2016 14:56

you should have prodded him awake and told him you were going.

She did. Read the words.

I'd give him a wide berth - he sounds a bit controlly.

acasualobserver · 07/02/2016 14:58

It sounds as though you have become a bit disenchanted with the friendship anyway.

HackerFucker22 · 07/02/2016 15:00

I don't get the relationship dynamic either.

Why did you wake the friend? Why not just tell his partner? Was s/he asleep too?

Weird for start to end in my eyes.... I just don't get why you'd agree to go to a film you don't want to see if you knew he had company?

Oldraver · 07/02/2016 15:02

I'd of grabbed the partner and gone off to do something you both wanted to do together and left him sleeping.

Sounds like the partner is being manipulated as well

lunar1 · 07/02/2016 15:03

I think you are both clinging to a friendship that isn't really there anymore.

maketheworldgoaway · 07/02/2016 15:05

It is a weird dynamic but it always had been.

I said yes when I knew he had company as he said his partner really wanted me to go and how important it is to him that me and his partner get to know each other and do things together. 'You're the two most important people in my life, I really want you to have a relationship' kind of thing.

OP posts:

MajesticWhine · 07/02/2016 15:07

He is unreasonable. You did nothing wrong. Just let it go, and don't make any further effort to dance to his tune.

diddl · 07/02/2016 15:07

You should have walked out when you realised thatthe friend also wasn't interested in the film!

Whycantweallgetalong · 07/02/2016 15:13

OP, please can you say which film it was?

EponasWildDaughter · 07/02/2016 15:16

In the light of this - friend had told me and his partner that the other really wanted to go and wanted the other to come.

I wouldn't believe this - he said his partner really wanted me to go and how important it is to him that me and his partner get to know each other

He's very manipulative. I'd be putting some distance between you personally. Sounds like it's all too much trouble.

Clutterbugsmum · 07/02/2016 15:16

I wouldn't have bother to wake him, I'd have just left.

ImperialBlether · 07/02/2016 15:17

I wouldn't have apologised and I wouldn't have woken him, either. He's a manipulative bully and I wouldn't consider him to be a friend of mine.

And yes, which film?!

mrsfuzzy · 07/02/2016 15:20

certainly won't be 'triple 9' trailer is horrible.
i'd cut loose with this so called 'b'f.

MajesticWhine · 07/02/2016 15:22

There are some piss-poor films out at the moment. My money's on The Good Dinosaur.

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thelifeofamber · 07/02/2016 15:23

People are going to say its weird because hes male and you're female.

I have a male best friend, and he has a girlfriend.

The three of us have been shopping together and got lunch.

I personally really wanted to do that as I didn't want her to think for a second that me and him secretly like each other. Which would put him in an awkward position and our friendship might fall apart.

Maybe he was doing the same ... but I probably wouldn't go to the cinema with them, as its not social.

I'm not sure if you were rude or to be honest.

What did you say to his partner?

maketheworldgoaway · 07/02/2016 15:25

I'm almost certain he doesn't MN because the post and the film will certainly out me but it was Dads fecking army.

Apparently his partners distant relation was in the original series which is why they wanted to watch it. Though that's probably a lie since partner said they were only seeing it because apparently I wanted to.

OP posts:

maketheworldgoaway · 07/02/2016 15:28

His partner was asleep too which I didn't see as that rude since they didn't want to see it either!. I had to wake him up (my friend is gay) to exit as he was at the end of the aisle so I just said, 'this film is awful and you're both asleep so I'm going home, see you soon!'

OP posts:

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