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Codependent

(4 Posts)
Angieyy1 Sun 07-Feb-16 10:39:43

Hi Iv been posting over the last couple of days of my break up and it's hit me terrible....

Now I loved him and wanted to be with him but I'm wondering what it was I loved about him .... Was it him as a person he had all the morals and the work ethic and he was an amazing dad to his children independent, successful and had the financial freedom to do what he wanted self sufficient and confident.

I thought we had a future together and we planned to move back home to his home town in a couple of years as he didint want to stay in England.

Now I need to point out that I am grieving for the loss of him and our future....and I'm starting to fear for my future all over again ...... Where will end up will I have enough money, ect ect ..... I was so attracted to him because of all this and I'm left wondering if this is what I really want for myself I want to be everything he was and if I was all of that would I want him .....

I'm sorry if this sounds confusing but I'm wondering if I have codependency issues and if I worked on these I would lead a happy and successful life as maybe I seek out men that have all the things I want for myself and my son regardless of who they actually are as a person and I try to make it work even though we may not be suited really.....

Does this make sense I'm quiet an independent person and I am active really outgoing but I have a career and money missing from my life and success something that I crave constantly ....I'm back at college for 2 years I'm 39 next month and had to move back with my parents 6 years ago with my son when I split with his dad ..... I feel Iv wasted these 6 years trying to find a man that would make me feel better about myself and take me away from this life that I have ..instead Iv had one heartbreak after the other ..... I should of been concentrating on my career and me and my son.... And maybe I wouldn't be in the same mess I am today heartbroken all over again ....

This time it feels different I don't want to meet anyone else I want to heal myself and concentrate on giving me and my son everything and a great life...

This is what I really want deep down but I'm not sure if I can do it and then I start to fear it and then I start looking for someone else who can maybe do this for us..

Is this codependency ? I am so willing to help myself in any way I can to be the person I want to be for us both and overcome this

Hope this makes sense and I honestly do miss my ex it's hard to not be able to just text him when I remember something or something good has happened and he did end it said we want right and it didint work but I do still want to be with him I guess that will go in time

Quoteunquote Sun 07-Feb-16 18:29:24

You have to give yourself time, it's a huge change of direction, you have lost the life you thought you going to have, grieve for it,

Concentrate on your son and education(this can never be taken away from you and gives you control ),

You may be able to salvage a friendship with him, but be careful it doesn't stop you focusing on your future.

springydaffs Sun 07-Feb-16 21:44:47

I don't think it is codependency but it is a powerless way to go about things.

Back in the day when women had no power at all they had to do what you've done in order to stave off penury. These days, as much as it's nice to have another income/bod when bringing up kids, it's not essential to save us from extreme poverty.

Imo it's understandable to want to provide the best for you and your boy - but it's not ultimately necessary iyswim. You can provide a very good standard of living without the input of a man/partner. Codependency is a serious addiction, I don't think you have that, you just wanted the ideal set-up for you and your boy.

Sounds like you've turned a corner though. Well done flowers

Angieyy1 Sun 07-Feb-16 22:33:52

Thank you it's only early days yet, 5 weeks since we split 4 weeks since Iv seen him and 1day since Iv stopped begging for him back. As he clearly pointed out yesterday no amount of texting him or making him feel bad or guilty about the split will make him change his mind.

After that I accepted it.....I held on so hard I didn't want to let him go without a fight .... And realised I will never here from him again boom just like that 2 years, hopes dreams and the loss of his family all gone...I keep forgetting and then remember and I feel physically sick ... I know this will pass In time

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