My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

emotional manipulation and abuse of dd

3 replies

piperchapman44 · 06/02/2016 21:57

Sorry this is my second thread on here in a day, don't mean to be multiple thread poster!

Was just about to email ex about this when I thought I would stop and ask advice.

Ex and dd generally have a nice relationship, she likes going there. Except for the following, which sometimes happen (as in one of , every time):

  • He tells her he is miserable without me
  • He tells her that people should forgive and I am not forgiving him and it's not right (this was a couple of days ago)
  • He tells her he's sad that I don't allow him to put her to bed in my house (family house but I ask him not to come due to past abuse)

    With a divorce coming up (see other thread), I can only see this getting worse and I am wondrering if I should send him a short email saying this is not ok, he is not to do this to her, and if he does I will stop contact, because it is abuse.

    I'll email him on Monday now, when he won't be seeing her for a few days so he will have time to calm down after.

    Sometimes I have a big fear that if I push him too much, it'll endanger her. No evidence for this, he's been physically abusive to me but not to her. And I think all the above is to get to me because he knows she tells me. But she and I are both fed up with it. I've asked her if she could tell him to stop - but she says she is worried he will shout at her.
OP posts:
Report
0phelia · 06/02/2016 22:01

Yes, it's emotional manipulation designed to make you look bad.

Report
0phelia · 06/02/2016 22:04

It's not acceptable so u need to either

  1. withdraw your child
    or
  2. he stops manipulating.
Report
piperchapman44 · 06/02/2016 22:07

If I stop contact, then when I resume it , she may feel nervous about telling me that kind of stuff. She always tells me the minute she sees me if he's said anything, then she seems to move on. I wouldn't want to make her feel unable to talk to me.

But if I email him and tell him it must stop, that I won't stand by and let it happen, presumably he ll get it...if it carries on I will then cancel the next weekend contact and just tell dd he's having a sick weekend.

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.