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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Someone called the police for DV

889 replies

DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 11:09

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

OP posts:

Report

PennyHasNoSurname · 04/02/2016 11:11

I would call 101 and ask for an officer to talk to you about last night.

You seriously need to get some distance from this man.

Mabelface · 04/02/2016 11:11

You're not making too much of this. Call women's aid for advice on what to do next.

Pyjamaface · 04/02/2016 11:13

No, you're not making too much of it. Nor are you throwing him out over a phone call.

You are 'throwing him out' because he slammed door, shouted at the children, verbally abused you and threatened to push you down the stairs!

You are doing the right thing, he cannot act like that and there be no consequences.

Hope you're all doing alright today

ImperialBlether · 04/02/2016 11:14

If you don't do something now you're telling him and the children that this is acceptable behaviour. Go back to the police and tell them what really happened.

Chinesealan · 04/02/2016 11:17

The behaviour he displayed last night was abusive and very frightening for the children.
Contact police and get him removed from your house.

DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 11:18

He is making it out like it is my fault. The phone kept face time calling and I wanted to answer it and tell them to stop calling, he said I can't answer her phone and off it went.

Girls are doing ok today, he won't go anywhere, apparently I'm over reacting - he has messaged DD and I've told her not to reply (FB)

OP posts:

Yseulte · 04/02/2016 11:22

You must tell the police the truth that he threatened you.

I don't believe he's never got angry or exploded before. This kind of thing doesn't happen in a vacuum.

Of course he's making out it's your fault, he's an abusive arse.

Morasssassafras · 04/02/2016 11:23

Saying it is your fault and minimising are common tactics of abusers.

This was domestic violence. You are not making too much of it. Do you really want him to think it was acceptable?

Ring women's aid if you want someone to speak to in person to confirm in your own mind. Please consider contacting the police and telling them the whole story.

Akire · 04/02/2016 11:25

It dosnt matter how was logged. If I was your neighbor had heard screaming by adults, children screaming, doors slamming and adult threaten to throw someone down the stairs I would have called the police too.
Just because he didn't dosnt means it's not abisive behaviour. It's how he reacted not a phone call. Sounds like you need time apart - if he had totally taken responsibility for his actions and this was totally out of blue and commit to anger management support then it would be a very small maybe. The fact he says this as nothing is big flag. Step away.

Mrskeats · 04/02/2016 11:26

Tell the police as this will escalate; it always does
Is it a rented property or do you own?
This makes a difference to whether you can just change locks etc depending who's name things are in
Please protect your children

LeaLeander · 04/02/2016 11:28

Your girls are NOT doing OK. Please get help in keeping that violent abuser away from them.

OhShutUpThomas · 04/02/2016 11:30

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream)

Im sorry this happened to you all OP - but please don't gaslight your children.

He sounds abusive. He shouldn't be anything but apologetic and conciliatory, certainly not blaming you.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/02/2016 11:33

Talk to the police again, tell them the full story and they will help you keep this man away from the house. He is potentially dangerous to the children as well as to you. You do not owe him anything and your focus now needs to be on protecting yourself and the children from his aggression and bullying ways.

DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 11:33

Sorry for the short replies, I'm at work

We own the house on mortgage in both names. He will just go home after work tonight, I'm dreading it.

It has happened before but years ago, 5yrs ago and then 7yrs ago before that but the DC were younger.

It's such a mess. I'm going to call 101 with the reference number. How did it come to this.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 04/02/2016 11:33

I agree with others, speak to the police again and tell them the truth. Your number one priority is keeping your children safe and making sure they never witness anything like this again.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 04/02/2016 11:34

You are not making too much of this. Please speak to the police or Women's Aid.

Veritat · 04/02/2016 11:36

I'm glad someone called the police, this was outright domestic violence. You need to get the locks changed and phone Women's Aid about getting an injunction.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/02/2016 11:36

The fact he says this as nothing is big flag. Step away

^^This.

Call the police back and tell them the truth about the incident, but also that he is now harrassing your DD to see if she called the police.

What's he going to do tonight when she says that she didn't........?

Stumbletrip40 · 04/02/2016 11:37

I've had a few heated arguments with a stressed out DH and he's never threatened to push me down the stairs before - ever. That's the point that he needs to accept he was totally in the wrong over - if he had pushed you, you might well be dead. You can't have your DC hearing their dad threatening to push their mum down the stairs and just brush it off. The fact he's minimising it makes me think he's generally abusive, even if it's not physical at this stage. talk to the police about how you get him to leave.

Stumbletrip40 · 04/02/2016 11:38

Can you get RL support for tonight? Someone to come round and make sure he leaves/doesn't come in? Hope the police helpful.

Goingtobeawesome · 04/02/2016 11:39

A lot of people would be annoyed if woken by a phone but he has gone 0-60 completely unacceptably. Is this the first time he has ever abused you or the children?

You need to take this extremely seriously otherwise it will happen again and maybe worse. He isn't sorry. He's hassling your daughter and hassling you.

Call the police. It really is that serious.

firesidechat · 04/02/2016 11:41

then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

Sorry to point out the obvious, but it's not because of a phone call is it? It's is totally unreasonable reaction to that phone call.

3WiseWomen · 04/02/2016 11:41

HOw old is your dd?

To be honest if she is the one who call the Police, that is giving you an idea of scared she must have been to ring them about HER Dad.

He really needs to stop contacting her/putting pressure on her (if you are struggling to cope with it, can you imagine how hard it is for her?).
And he needs to accept that if yu ask for some tyime apart for everyone to cool down and have space to think, then he needs to give that to you. The reason doesn't matter. It's just what nice people, let alone the person who is suppose to be yoiur partner, the one to support you, should be doing.

Agree about ringing the Police too.
If he shown remorse, guilt, want8ng to change, take responsibility, then I might not have said that. But his overall behaviour says 'I am right. You should ALL do as I say and you are all making an issue out of nothing'. Riiiiight.
So first thing first. Make your dcs feel secure.

Goingtobeawesome · 04/02/2016 11:41

I missed a few posts and I see it isn't the first time. Make sure last night is the last time and, yes, don't lie to your kids.

Pipistrella · 04/02/2016 11:43

Another person adding to the throng...please don't minimise this. Your kids know exactly what happened, so do you and so does he.

You cannot spend another night in this man's company.

If you strike while the iron is hot, the police will be better able to assist.

Tell them everything he has said and done xxx

Flip

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