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Mum's new life, new home, new family

(2 Posts)
packetofcrisps Wed 03-Feb-16 14:58:27

I'm really struggling to deal with the loss of my Mum. Not in the sense of death either, she's very much alive and well but the loss of her to a new family 200 miles away.

2 years ago, during my 1st pregnancy, my mum announced that she had been having an affair whilst working for 6 months in Scotland. Not only this, but she was leaving my father and our town to go and live with him. Even changing her base office so that she could be based there for work.

This came as a shock to us all, regardless of Mum and Dad's rocky marriage. She didn't even tell her friends she was leaving. She just upped and left. I found it very difficult, especially as I was expecting my first child and no longer had mum home at the weekends to browse the baby aisles with me. I understand that she wants to be happy and I really want her to be. But the way that she left just made my db and I feel somewhat neglected.

Fast forward 2 years, mum still lives in Scotland with her boyfriend, who is very nice by the way. But she has lost her job after they could no longer accommodate her move to Scotland, yet she has stayed regardless. She claims to be happy and yet she seems depressed- she has lost her home, marriage, job, family all for her new relationship which seems a little reckless to me. She has even taken on this man's children who live with him and my brother and I are often annoyed by the constant Facebook updates about the family days out they're having, baking in the kitchen, shopping trips. Things she never did with us due to her work and things shes missing out on doing now with her grandchildren and with us.

A couple of weeks ago, she came to stay for the week after our grandmother fell I'll, and towards the end she kept saying "I really am ready to go home now" I find this difficult to deal with as I kept thinking... your family is here, you ARE home? A couple of years ago, I told myself it didn't matter that she'd left, but I realise now that I'm actually quite hurt by this. If I told her, she'd demand that I think more of her happiness etc etc. But I just feel completely rejected.

Kitchencrayon Wed 03-Feb-16 15:14:47

OP I don't know how old you are. In some respects it matters and in others it doesn't. Also not clear how your relationship was before she left.

Whether she's happy or not, it does sound like she upped and left very suddenly and that must be horrible. Added in to it that it was at a point in your life (first pregnancy) where you seem to have been expecting (nothing wrong with that) having her close by, I get why it's so difficult.

All I can suggest is that while what she did must hurt, especially seeing the family updates on FB, she most likely didn't do it to reject you. Whatever made her leave in the way she did reflects something about her.

Could it be that she thinks you're old enough now not to "need" her and just doesn't understand how upset you are? Would it be worth letting her know, alongside the fact that you want her to be happy?

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