Says my recently left H, referring to his contact time, when I try to reason with him and stop him being a Disney Dad. I desperately want to remind him he is a Father the whole bloody time but he's chosen to see less of his children than he already did (he works away in the week) because he had an affair and "fell in love." He sees the children for EOW/E at his Parents' house and, when I posted that I never got one-on-one time with the children because I now had to do it all on "my" w/e, he said "What do you expect me to do?", knowing full well the w/e was full-on with four small children when two of us were doing it. I have not yet emailed back instead of chasing single mothers the same age as your nieces, put your effort into your marriage. Just, Grrrrr.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I am sorry - I bring up two children on my own and work FT, so all credit to you managing with four.
I am on my phone, but my honest advice would be to look at what support you have or can get beyond the children's father; your energy is wasted trying to make him see reason. I have been separated three years now, worked the last six months on reconciliation and quite frankly, I have wasted so many words.
Please make yourself the priority. What can be cut from the schedule? Where can you enlist support? And most important, make sure on the weekends you don't have the DC, make sure and use the time for you. Don't use the time to catch up on chores or work, see your friends, do things for you. The worst thing for me (I was a single parent before meeting XH) has been the gradual erosion of friendships and 'normal' life.
for you. Everything you feel is normal, it is hard and I am so sorry that this is what you are facing. You need practical and emotional support and he has bailed on that.
Sadly, you cannot force him to parent in any particular way. It may well be that, now you aren't together, that he no longer parents in the way that you thought was a joint decision.
It's taken me 5 looooooooooong and hideous years to accept that exDH is NOT going to put his children first, and he is NOT going to co-parent with me. Unfortunately, being a single parent means that it's that much harder to have quality time with each child separately. On the plus side, I think it does forge a special bond between you and the kids as a 'team'. Twatty exes who choose to live far away from their kids, and don't support your parenting choices don't get that.
I totally get the feeling old and bogged down part. From a fellow old and bogged downer, it really does suck to watch the ex waltz off into a new carefree life, without the responsibilities that you have no choice but to have. Unfortunately, it is unavoidable and the one left as primary carer gets the shitty bits - he doesn't have to have the day to day drudgery, and has the choice to be 'fun Disney dad'.
I feel for you - it's exhausting. BUT your kids will understand who cares for them when they're poorly, who puts their needs first, who feeds them, and loves them unconditionally.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.