Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

There used to be a term for this, but I've forgotten what it was

(25 Posts)
FundraisingPTABitch Tue 02-Feb-16 17:53:58

It's to describe when you introduce a new friend to a group and all of a sudden they take over and you're left out.

What was the name we all called this person, 'Linda'?

WileHallion Tue 02-Feb-16 17:54:28

Wendy!

ShesGotLionsInHerHeart Tue 02-Feb-16 17:54:33

Wendy!

PamDooveOrangeJoof Tue 02-Feb-16 17:54:36

Wendy?

LineyReborn Tue 02-Feb-16 17:54:39

Wendy

RNBrie Tue 02-Feb-16 17:55:38

It's Wendy. But it upsets all the nice Wendys here so I think there is a move to call it something else grin

FundraisingPTABitch Tue 02-Feb-16 17:57:48

I've been 'Wendied'

and it hurts!

FundraisingPTABitch Tue 02-Feb-16 17:58:26

we should call it something else, but what?

Hissy Tue 02-Feb-16 20:29:21

Nope, Wendy was the original.. Wendy it is.

What happened love?

Marchate Tue 02-Feb-16 23:44:13

My kids called it being 'jimmied' when they were at school - maybe the Scottish version?
But that's by the by. It's a horrible feeling

ellebelle27 Wed 03-Feb-16 08:06:05

I've been wendied too and it was horrible. But as someone pointed out to me, your friends (or exfriends) have to go along with the wendy in order for him or her to be successful. Therefore maybe they weren't that great as friends in the first place.

FundraisingPTABitch Thu 04-Feb-16 02:42:44

It's just awful. I can't even post about it without it being 20 pages of bullshit. I just want support and positivity.

Gobbolino6 Thu 04-Feb-16 03:27:50

This has happened to me. Really upsetting.

FundraisingPTABitch Thu 04-Feb-16 06:26:37

I wish I could even just confront everyone involved--but I can't because even the least offensive account I can manage to sputter out makes me sound crazy. Bat-Shit-Crazy

withaspongeandarustyspanner Thu 04-Feb-16 06:47:59

That's why you can say it here. It's anonymous. Get it off your chest.

FundraisingPTABitch Thu 04-Feb-16 14:56:38

I would love to get it off my chest, and I'm not drip feeding. It's just super complicated with a really long backstory. Then the whole thing gets broken down by couple.

The basics though: One friend treats me like a 2nd option all the time. Often times cancels on me while I'm in the car on the way to wherever we are meeting. I have since stopped meeting up with her and she hasn't noticed nor does she seem bothered.

I'm not bothered about losing this friendship, I'm a great friend to have and if she can't see it she isn't worth it. It's not like I've ever asked her to drop her life to help me. She has used me for childcare a few times (while I was working) and I was happy to have them; I have a housekeeper and nanny so it wasn't a burden. She has also called me up to help her find party bags for an event she was having but hadn't invited me to--because she claimed it wasn't her event (bullshit, she just didn't want to invite me because she has a friend who dislikes me). She couldn't call anyone to help; she called me. I feel like continuing to be her friend is causing me harm--more so because it's clouding me with a bit of 'negativity'.

Friend two: I actually really like this girl, lets call her Mary. I think she's funny, intelligent and all around someone I want in my life. She's been treating me quite badly lately too. Especially since I introduced her to a Wendy (someone I befriended because she had no other friends). Originally everyone thought Wendy was a bit lame. I encouraged everyone to be nice to her.

Last month (December), Wendy had a party that no one attended except me. She got drunk enough to call me a bitch all night--in a very aggressive way. I only attended her party for an hour, but towards the end she became even more aggressive and started to go on and on about how she knew I was jealous because she was now closer to my friends than I was. I calmly pointed out that I introduced her to my friends and hoped everyone could be friends. I left the party as amicably as I could. Up till this point I didn't care.

Throughout January, Wendy and Mary have taken in turns in a group chat between the three of us to criticise my taste in handbags and hotels. I don't criticise my friends unless they want constructive criticism. So when they did, I either stood up for myself or diffused it.

Now though, I'm finding myself a little sad to be left out and don't want to get caught up being Wendied again.

Hissy Thu 04-Feb-16 16:49:13

Leave the group chat for one. Leave them to it.

What utter cows. Why on earth did you not leave the party there and then?

FundraisingPTABitch Thu 04-Feb-16 23:26:44

At the time I couldn't find my husband. Also, I was enjoying the show Wendy was putting on. It was kind of a revelation.

mumsonthelash Thu 04-Feb-16 23:52:14

Sounds like you have a lovely life. Don't let them spoil it. Bitches

Hissy Fri 05-Feb-16 06:41:28

I get that, it's delightfully horrifying somehow, isn't it.

It's quite something to let them take it as far as they like, just to see what they are capable of.

Please understand that this is about them, not you.

Shrug em off.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 05-Feb-16 06:46:56

Well the bonus is that you've realised that they're not actual friends; the problem is that they're still in your vicinity, I suppose.

Maybe you have a "mug" sign on your forehead - you wouldn't be alone! - that attracts the wrong sort of person to being your friend.

I assume you have some nice friends as well? Concentrate on them and forget about these ones.

SanityClause Fri 05-Feb-16 07:00:49

Have you lost any of your friends apart from Mary and Wendy?

If not, I'd just cut your losses and stay friends with the other people (who didn't even like Wendy enough to go to her party).

DrMorbius Fri 05-Feb-16 07:54:11

Is being Wendied a pro dominantly a female thing? I have never heard it before and have never seen men do this. It's a weird phenomenon to read about.

FundraisingPTABitch Fri 05-Feb-16 10:21:18

Yes, well I haven't lost any of them yet.

They all still think all is well with the world and I'll happily go along.

I'm not going to block them or directly speak to them because if I do I'll look crazy.

I guess what I'll do is just get super busy with other things and not meet up for dinner, coffee.

I just don't want to fall into another cycle like this.

chubbymummy Fri 05-Feb-16 12:49:25

I'd leave the group chat. If either of them ask you why then explain that you feel upset and ganged up on when they take the piss out of you, since they don't do it to each other just to you.

I'd be cutting off any contact with Wendy and reminding her of what she said at the party.
I think I'd tell Mary that I value her friendship and would be happy to see her alone but not with Wendy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now