I don’t know what my question is here exactly…I think I would like opinions and insights. Maybe I even need to be told to mind my own business.
I am very worried about my sister, and in particular my young niece, who I am very very close to.
My sister is a few years older and we have always been best friends, although she has always been the more dominant of the two of us. She split from her daughter’s dad about eight years ago and for the past five has been in a very on/off relationship.
Over the years, he hasn’t treated her well and I don’t have any time for him. In the first two years, their relationship was pretty turbulent mainly because he never spent much time with her and prioritised friends and hobbies. There was also an occasion about six months in when she found he was messaging another woman, who had sent him some naked pictures. His excuse was he had just got divorced and wasn’t up to committing.
Against all the advice of her family and friends, she continued with the relationship. After a couple of years, he seemed to rediscover his ability to commit and they planned on moving in together, with my niece as well, who he saw quite regularly and at that point seemed to have a bit of a bond with.
Although he seemed fully committed by this point, my sister never seemed quite fulfilled. She often had doubts about the relationship and would confide in me she was thinking of ending it. And then she wouldn’t and she would be happy for a few months, only to start being unhappy again.
And then she fell pregnant. She confided in me that she hadn’t been that careful, and may have accidentally on purpose got pregnant, but was sure he’d be OK with it. He wasn’t OK with it, they broke up and she had a termination as she didn’t want to do it alone. Only, a few weeks later they got back together again.
Plans to move in together resumed, but she broke it off a couple of months before they were due to move in, for very valid reasons, ranging from them being incompatible and having nothing in common, to not wanting to be his full-time housemaid, to the fact he is quite a heavy drinker and not someone she wants to move her daughter in with.
This was last summer. Inevitably they got back together again and were supposed to be moving into his house soon, but she split up with him again after Christmas. Now they are talking about getting back together, but this time “it’s for real” and “we are making a proper go of it”.
I am the only person who knows about their new plans to prove everyone wrong. Anything I tell her, like to not rush into anything, to discuss things and think about things for a few weeks and take a couple of months out, to speak to him about some real issues she has always kept hidden from him, is always met with an enthusiastic “yes, you’re right” then she totally ignores me.
She doesn’t and never will take a blind bit of notice.
Everyone she knows thinks they are a terrible match, she hasn’t been herself for years. I have come round to the way of thinking that although he’s been a prize twat over the years, actually, she hasn’t been that much better.
It’s not as if they have unbelievable chemistry and you can understand why they are drawn together, I firmly believe she just doesn’t want to be alone. When she goes through her phases of wanting to break up with her, she admits, she doesn’t love him, wants to change him and could do better.
I wonder whether as her sister, I should just tell her she is being a nob and refuse to listen to her for hours and hours like I do, but then she would have no-one.
I really want her to do the right thing by my niece. I think this might be the only factor that might make her see sense. She insists DN is totally unaffected - can this really be true? Can a little girl, who is very clever and sensitive and who lives with her mother who is very hot-headed and vocal, and over emotional, really not be aware and be unaffected? If she was effected, what would the effects be?
Am I being completely unfair? Given the history, could this actually all work out?
Has anyone had or known of a relationship that was just such bollocks, but actually all worked out?
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Relationships
My DSis's relationship and my lovely little niece (long, sorry)
6 replies
4ChucksnaTomatoPlant · 01/02/2016 15:53
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