Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Feeling suffocated

(6 Posts)
packetofcrisps Mon 01-Feb-16 14:40:26

DH is lovely and means well, however I am feeling very suffocated. He's always been quite inquisitive and interfering but not to the degree he is at the moment.
Firstly, I'm very introvert and enjoy quiet time in the mornings and at bedtime whilst DH has a large booming voice and a lot to say all of the time, I find it exhausting when I just want a bit of quiet time before DCS wake up and after they've gone to bed. He is a gossip and will talk about all sorts of random, nosey, none important rubbish- none of which I have time to even think about let alone discuss. Usually about the neighbours or about someone he works with.
If I go to have a bath in the evenings or try to read my book to wind down, he interrupts me or follows me to the bathroom, making all sorts of excuses to be using the bathroom at the same time as me.
in the evenings, I use cooking as a way of winding down, but he'll question what I'm doing, why I'm chopping this like that and putting that here with this... We've had constant arguments about the ridiculous questions he seems to ask me all the time. Its draining. He'll often ask me obvious things that he can work out for himself, should he look, but I think the worst part is him questioning my ability to do things correctly... it's very annoying!

DH doesn't like to deal with anything official, talking to strangers etc so whenever I need to make an important phone call, rather than leave me to it, he follows me with 2 DCS following noisily behind him, whilst he chirps away in the background telling me what to say, yet avoiding speaking on the phone himself!

He watches what I'm doing all the time as if I'm not capable, if I'm doing a household job, he'll come along and interfere, yet avoid doing any jobs around the house himself unless I ask him to! I wouldn't mind if he was on top of things himself but he would prefer to interfere in anything I'm doing! Sometimes I can feel his eyes on me as he's loitering around me when I'm busy.

People may think this is sweet and that he clearly wants to be around me,but it's getting ridiculous and I feel like I have another DC following me around the house! I wouldn't mind if he was great in bed or affectionate in other ways but he has a really low libido, making him appear even more like one of the children than my partner. I've no idea how to deal with this, he's driving me mad and age is making him worse!

hellsbellsmelons Mon 01-Feb-16 15:17:57

This would seriously do my head in.
I'd have snapped and shouted at him by now.
Can you talk to him?
Tell him how it feels and then suggest counselling together?
I feel for you.

TheNaze73 Mon 01-Feb-16 15:31:28

It's funny, men are normally accused of the complete opposite! That would do my head in as well however

GloriousGoosebumps Mon 01-Feb-16 15:35:13

I also feel for you, just reading about your DH was making my blood pressure rise! What would happen if you simply passed the phone to him and told him to deal with the problem or if you locked the bathroom door or simply refused to answer his stupid questions? If I'd told him multiple times how annoying his behaviour is and he'd continued, I'd have no problem ignoring him.

Resilience16 Mon 01-Feb-16 16:31:39

I can see how that would be annoying. His behaviour dies sound a bit odd.

Three thoughts of the top of my head- Have you actually said to him "I find it really annoying when you do xyz. Why do you do it?" Would be interested to see what his answer is. He may just be one of those chatty chirpy people. I used to sit next to one at work, she was harmless but it did my fecking head in, particularly first thing before the caffeine had kicked in!

Second thought, if he has always been like this,maybe he is on the autistic spectrum somewhere?

Third thought-if he has got worse, more clingy etc could it be early signs if dementia? Not a nice thought but it chimes with me as my uncle suddenly went like this, followed my aunt round the house like a shadow,wouldn't leave her alone in the bathroom or on the phone etc etc x

tingon Mon 01-Feb-16 16:43:06

Get a lock on the bathroom door, and use it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now