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Divorcing - any advice on the practicalities please?

10 replies

ILikeUranus · 01/02/2016 10:49

We've been married 8 years, 2 kids aged 3 and 6. I posted on here for advice before Christmas when I found messages on his phone. We did try to work it out initially but so much has come out since and I don't feel like I can try anymore. I don't want to.
We have agreed in theory that the kids and I would stay in the house, we will have to re-mortgage for a longer period so that I/we can afford the repayments, and remove his name from the house once he moves out.
I think we agree that he will have the children 2-3 nights a week (one weekend day and night each, but we'll have to decide which end of the week is best - any tips? What works for you?
How do we work out maintenance? He says he doesn't want to just pay the minimum. I think people pay 15% per child (based on something I probably mis read somewhere)! So if say if he takes home about £3000 a month would it be just under £1000 - is that right?
We also need to transfer all the bills in his or joint names to just mine, and take his name off the joint account where we pay them from.
Am I forgetting anything? Any advice?
If we agree all the above stuff, do we need a solicitor to divorce? Can we just agree the details ourselves and just pay the court fee?
I'd be so grateful for any advice. Thank you.

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Akire · 01/02/2016 10:54

Are you going back to work ? Do you pay for childcare? How can you pay mortgage on just £1000 month?

Depends on how much you earn and your outgoings if his maintence leaves you with basic or similar standard of living.

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ILikeUranus · 01/02/2016 11:00

I work 30 hours a week. I reduced it from full time when I found out as my priorities suddenly got very clear! I earn ok, I think we'll be fine. Remortgaging across a much longer term will half the mortgage.

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ILikeUranus · 01/02/2016 11:04

I just thought - I wanted to see her, the OW, so I went to his work on a day off. As we walked in, H was carrying our 3 yr old ds, and she walked past us. She didn't bat eyelid at my ds, she just said a casual 'hi' to my H. He has a day off a week to look after him, as do I (he's full time but condensed into 4 long days). Everyone else cooed over the little one. - She's seen him before hasn't she?! He's seen her with my son on his day off. I feel sick.

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DontCareHowIWantItNow · 01/02/2016 11:12

Your figures are nowhere near right. That % or there abouts is for both DC not per child. I think it is actually 20%

There is no way it would be £1000 per month.

Also even if he agrees to pay more he can go back to the CMA amount at any time.

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ILikeUranus · 01/02/2016 11:22

Thanks - I had no idea to be honest, I thought I'd heard something somewhere but obviously not. He said he would at least pay the mortgage and that's about £1000, but we'll see. My decision about divorcing really doesn't depend on the money at all. We'll be ok however we need to do it, if he goes to CMA and reduces to minimum at some point, maybe I'll re-mortgage again or increase my hours back up.

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hellsbellsmelons · 01/02/2016 15:39

Maintenance is worked out on what they earn (before tax) so if he takes home 3000 then he earns a lot more. Work it out HERE
If he is going to have them 2-3 nights a week that also reduced the maintenance payments. Working the link out as your H earning approx £50K per annum you will get just over £400 per month.

So are you buying him out of the house?
Or is he just handing it over to you?
If I was him I wouldn't be handing over half a house.

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hellsbellsmelons · 01/02/2016 15:40

Mine said he would pay the mortgage.
That lasted about 6 months then I got nothing.
Big fat ZERO.
I had to do it all on my own.
He was living in another country and I couldn't do anything but get on with it.
They will promise all sorts to start with so just be warned. He won't be your friend for long.
Once the OW gets wind of what he is handing over it will all change!
Work out what you can afford on your own and you will be well covered.

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ILikeUranus · 02/02/2016 10:50

Thank you Hells, I can well imagine 6 months of good will and then the legal minimum once it sinks in that you're not coming back.

He and OW stopped shagging 6 months before I found out about the affair, so she won't have anything to say. They were 'just friends' afterwards but liked to reminisce about the 'happy times', idiots. That's how I found out. He's been no contact since I found out. Maybe they'll get back together at some point but I seriously doubt she'd have any sway in the divorce.

I'm not buying him out, we're taking his name off the mortgage and it will be my house. Unless his solicitors persuade him otherwise which would be unfortunate.

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Threefishys · 02/02/2016 10:50

Agree with hellsbells at the minute he will have all good intentions of 'compensating' you for the breakdown of your relationship - that will change. Get any financials covered in the court order and set in stone. Yes he could still default but his priorities will change and giving cash over to his old life will rapidly become something he and OW will seek to minimise as they potentially move forward...harsh but true in the majority of cases.

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ILikeUranus · 02/02/2016 11:48

Shit. That was actually a bloody good point. He wants his half of the equity, so I won't be able to afford to stay here - it's not about the income, it's the actual lump sum in the house. But I can afford to rent a 2 bed flat very nearby and that will do us just fine.