I havent spoken to my dad for a couple of years. He is almost certainly a narcissist and anxious whilst we always got on fine from a distance (we live hundreds of miles apart) He cannot handle visits, especially if I take one of the children. I took all 3 once and it was awful. Ive only taken one at a time since then but he still cant handle it. Every time ive been up there to visit, ive tried to tell myself to not rise to his bait, but I cant help it. He goads until I lose it. Last time I saw him he started on my teenager within 24 hours of us being there, when he hadnt seen me for a year, and hadnt seen ds1 for 3 years. hes just a really difficult person, but hes also really creative and interesting. I cant even list the bad points. He was violent to my mum and my brother, but never to me (golden child) but I can see how he could be because you can see him getting angry, more and more passive aggressive and shitty. He can be fucking horrible.
Anyway. hes already disowned my brother years ago. He alienates everyone at some point tbh because he knows it all and is never ever wrong. Everyone else is. All the fucking time. Ive gone NC with him several times, but I always end up calling back and we pretend nothings happened. he doesnt ever get back in touch with me. I finally went NC this last time because of him acting with my son the way he acts with me.
The reason I keep thinking i should get in touch, is he has heart disease. Hes nearly died from it a few times, and had various heart surgery. I reckon hes probably on his last few years tbh. I dont want it to be awkward when he dies. The only other person he gets on with is his lovely long term partner who only copes with him IMO because they dont live together, even after 20 years or so.. Im worried hes going to die and its all going to be awful and im going to be left with all his art and music and theres going to be a massive void, and ... i dont even know
I do think of my dad often. Im worried about him dying. I really wish he wasnt such a difficult bastard. he has such good parts to him, but ive had loads of therapy and hes caused me so many self esteem issues over the years. I didnt realise how much of the problem he actually was. He left my mum a shell. He was cruel. He was awful to my brother, but I do have lovely childhood memories too, especially from before I was a teenager and got opinions etc.
Sorry this is long. Can any good come of getting back in contact with a narcissist?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
keep thinking i should get back in contact with my dad
Branleuse · 31/01/2016 11:56
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.