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Need support tonight

(86 Posts)
Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 17:55:55

I know there are people on here with much much bigger problems than me right now but I need some support.
My oh cheated on me a month or so ago (just a kiss but I still consider that cheating) he said sorry we worked it out, he's done a lot to prove he's sorry and change things.
But tonight he's going out for the first time without me since it happened and I'm just a crying mess. I know I can't keep him in forever but the whole thing just has me worrying, will she be out (they run in the same circles but he has completely stopped talking to her or having any contact at all) will he meet someone else. Every bad possibility is going through my head and I really just need someone to tell me it'll be ok sad

RedMapleLeaf Sat 30-Jan-16 18:03:57

What has he done about this evening to reassure you?

Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 18:07:03

He's said that he knows I'm going to be worried and he understands why, he's made sure he's spent the whole day with me and told me I can text/call him anytime he's out and he'll reply to let me know where is what he's up to, I didn't ask him to do this, I'm not a texting every 5mins sort of person I would usually just let him get on with his night out, which is what I do plan to do tonight. I just can't get out of my head.

RedMapleLeaf Sat 30-Jan-16 18:08:47

I think I would have expected far more than that to be honest sad

Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 18:09:54

I don't really know what else he can do sad I'm an over thinker anyway so this evening is just awful

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 18:10:56

What is the occasion this evening ?

Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 18:11:17

A work do.

withaspongeandarustyspanner Sat 30-Jan-16 18:11:31

What would you expect him to do, RedMapleLeaf?

BifsWif Sat 30-Jan-16 18:11:37

There's no way my husband would be going out a month after cheating on me, especially if there were a chance he'd bump into the woman he kissed.

Does he know how upset and anxious you are?

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 18:12:12

A work do that she will be attending ?

Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 18:12:52

Yes he does, he been constantly reassuring me that everything is fine and she won't be there (still doesn't stop me thinking that she'll just show up). He had to go, it's a work thing.

JonesTheSteam Sat 30-Jan-16 18:12:53

Did he offer not to go at all?

mummyoftwo83 Sat 30-Jan-16 18:13:38

Many a time have I spent the night doing exactly the same as your doing tonight..it gets easier but trust is hard to rebuild. If you let it (and he doesn't fuck up) you ll eventually get there. From personal experience it took me a long long time to forgive and not wry everytime my partner stepped out the door but if there's one piece of advice I can give you is you have to try and not wry or question his every move and be on the phone every second/minute/hr. It ll drive you mad! Nobody deserves to be cheated on but if you've chose to forgive and you know he truely wants you then this is your first step to trusting him again. If you want to talk msg me, I know how hard it is xxx

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 18:14:23

What kind of job does he have that Saturday night socialising is compulsory ?

RedMapleLeaf Sat 30-Jan-16 18:14:48

A) Not go until I wasn't a sobbing wreck.
B) Not go until I wasn't a sobbing wreck and then go, and text me every X minutes.
C) Not go until I wasn't a sobbing wreck and then go, and text me every X minutes and be back after an hour.

Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 18:15:48

anyfucker apparently she won't be there because it's an upper management thing. But it's in our local town so nothing to stop her showing up with other people. I do think he would tell me if she did and come home. He seems to have gone out of his way to reassure me today and make me feel
Ok about it all.
It may seem like I'm trying to make excuses for him but I do believe that the whole thing was a drunken mistake and that he is genuinely sorry, I wouldn't have worked things out if I thought otherwise but I have anxiety and depression and my mind goes into over drive sad

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 18:17:33

Would he get the sack if he didn't go ?

Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 18:18:28

I'm not giving out his job description on here because it will out who I am. It's not mandatory but all managers are going and it's good for his job to go.

Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 18:19:46

He said he wouldn't go but I don't want to be the kind of person that stops him going to work things. I think if we are working it out then it needs to come from both sides and I need to trust him.

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 18:20:02

But detrimental to your mental health if he does ?

I wouldn't be happy with his prioritisation. A month is no time at all. What are you trying to prove being cool about this ?

BifsWif Sat 30-Jan-16 18:20:04

Will he be drinking tonight or has he agreed to stay sober?

RedMapleLeaf Sat 30-Jan-16 18:21:11

He said he wouldn't go but I don't want to be the kind of person that stops him going to work things

After only four weeks?

RedMapleLeaf Sat 30-Jan-16 18:22:44

And it shouldn't be a case of you stopping him going out on the piss, it should be a case of him earning your trust. He's the one who changed the relationship.

Headdesk Sat 30-Jan-16 18:24:02

I'm not trying to be cool about this, I'm trying to move on and get back to normal. I'm just finding it hard. I feel like he's been made out to be this complete dick, he's not, he did a fucking stupid thing when he was drunk that he told me about right away, we did all out fighting and crying over it when it happened and I just want to move on sad I'm just finding the first night out without me hard.

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 18:24:26

You are looking for support from the wrong people, love.

It needs to come from your husband. I would say he is lacking in that department. He shouldn't have left it up to you to do the wobbly lipped brave martyr thing. He should have made the decision himself not to attend. It is obviously too soon.

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