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Naked photos found on husbands phone.

(61 Posts)
Mrsstrife Sat 30-Jan-16 16:16:49

Hi All....advice please!
Back in November my husband came back from working away, It was late and I was on my way up the stairs to tuck my daughter into bed and I happened to just glance down the stairs. Well my husband was looking down at his phone and I could see naked photos of a woman and text bubbles. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was texting his son. I knew what I had seen so as he walked up the stairs I grabbed his phone and locked myself in the bathroom. I scrolled down and saw photos of this woman and text messages from both her and my husband saying what they would do to each other....let you use your imagination. ... I didn't have much time as he was able to get into our bathroom and grabbed the phone off me.
Over the course of the week much arguing and denial on his part carried on. My husband actually gave my mobile number to her so she called me to say there was nothing in it....just texts....and it was all a bit embrassing and silly. I have since found out it was a woman who worked at his office and might be married. Things started to calm down with Christmas coming up and his birthday I thought for the kids sake get through the holiday and address in the new year. This was very stressful.
In the new year I still had a feeling in my gut there was more to know. Husband carried on with his tale that it was two weeks of madness etc etc sorry sorry sorry etc. Now I have found after digging around it has been going on since September ...more photos....text message to her on Christmas Day wishing my woman's name happy Christmas and don't text back. He has admitted his two week tale was not true and the texts photos have been months but it's all done with. I asked him to leave which he has not done and refuses to stating he has been stupid he loves me...it was just photos and messages nothing more. We had a weekend planned in Italy which I refused to go to and he stayed as he wants to work it out and fix everything.....sorry if this long but I'm pretty broken at the moment and unsure what path to take.

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 16:20:57

If he won't go I would leave him and start divorce proceedings. He has been unfaithful. That would it for me, no matter what the empty protestations.

ImperialBlether Sat 30-Jan-16 16:23:00

You've no chance of making it work if he doesn't admit everything and let you have full and free access to his phone. He's in a state of denial and yet it still doesn't seem to have stopped. He's working with her - it would take a great deal of will power on both sides to stop this and it doesn't sound like he has an ounce of it.

Do you have children together? What's your financial situation like - are you both working or are you a SAHM?

He's probably still not telling you the full truth, sorry. He lied to you about it only being a brief thing, as he thought you'd forgive him or something.

What do you want to do? Personally I'm not sure I could forgive this, I would always wonder if there was something else going on.

Whose house is it? Tell him if he wants to work things out with you, to even have a chance, he needs to give you space, not try to bulldoze you into burying the issue. You're the inuured party here.

Recommend you get an STD check.

Hopefully some more helpful people will be along soon with advice.

Aha, x post.

Meant to say "injured party". Stupid tablet.

missybct Sat 30-Jan-16 16:26:45

Out of interest, you said your husband came back from working away and that this woman worked at his office - any chance they were away at the same time? Any chance it wasn't actually work at all? Sorry to spin another angle in there, but worth considering if you were to start divorce proceedings as it would indicate long term adultery.

End of the day, love is respect and respect isn't a) texting some woman who could be married naked pictures and explicit, horny intentions b) lying time and time again about the length it's been dragging on for. It wouldn't surprise me if this isn't just 'texting' but an actual full on affair - why else would be be texting her on Christmas Day if it's just a fling or 'fun'. He lied to you last time about it being a two week "madness", bullshit is he telling the full truth now - he's just telling you as much as you want to hear.

Personally, it's a no brainer for me. The first time he had the opportunity to explain would be have been different, but he's lied again.

inlectorecumbit Sat 30-Jan-16 16:27:25

he lied he has been sending explicit pictures to an OW, There is no way on earth he is going to tell you the truth--as has he has already proven. You actually only have his word that it is all over now and we all know just how honest he is, l certainly wouldn't be believing him now.
Do you have DC's?
If not and he wont go, l would be gone like a shot.

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 16:28:00

I would have no doubt in my mind he has had sex with this woman.

NNalreadyinuse Sat 30-Jan-16 16:29:47

If he was sorry he would have stopped doing it. He is lying and minimising the level of his involvement.

I would be very tempted to tell her husband. It doesn't help you with your situation but I don't see why she shouldvget away with such disrespectful behaviour, scot free.

I think you should get your ducks in a row financially and get legal advice. At the moment he is just doing as he pleases and you know and are putting up with it. He has no real reason to stop because his everyday life is still pretty comfortable.

HandyWoman Sat 30-Jan-16 16:33:09

If anything is going to be 'fixed' here he would need to

1) show you some respect and leave to give you space to work out what to do with all this information

2) tell you the truth

He doesn't want to do either. I'm afraid I'm with Anyfucker I would start divorce proceedings.

As you didn't go to Italy etc it sounds like you have a sense of self worth. This is a good thing. Use it to work out your next move, which for me, would be call a solicitor on Monday.

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis Sat 30-Jan-16 16:34:01

He is having an affair. I'm so sorry that this is happening but please don't put up with this behaviour.

HandyWoman Sat 30-Jan-16 16:36:17

Text on Christmas Day indicates to me that his emotional investment is very much elsewhere. To me it looks like a full blown affair. STD checks now look sensible too.

MissFlight Sat 30-Jan-16 16:39:33

He's a liar and a cheat. There is nothing to fix.

Mrsstrife Sat 30-Jan-16 16:39:54

Thank you everyone! Amazing to get such support.... We have been together for six years and only married for 18 months....I have two teenage children from a previous relationship...I work full time so in a good job....we rent our house and I have a house that I rent out so money wise I'm ok but it's a lot to give up emotionally and especially wanted a stable home for my children but at the moment it all feels a bit like it's built on sand. Has anyone given their husbands a second chance...?? And what was the outcome?

LeaLeander Sat 30-Jan-16 16:40:37

In a situation like this I just couldn't be bothered to try to "fix it" to be honest. He's a lying cheat who doesn't respect you and doesn't value his family enough to focus on Christmas day, even. Sorry. flowers

Even if you slog through more confessions, promises, counseling, whatever - so he grovels, what is the point? Will you ever feel happy and trusting and relaxed around him again? Or will it be just to maintain the family facade, the financial security, ??

Can you support yourself?

ImperialBlether Sat 30-Jan-16 16:41:44

The best thing you can do for your children is to leave him and tell them why. Tell them that's why financial independence is so important because you don't have to put up with someone treating you badly. I'm really sorry.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 30-Jan-16 16:43:03

He's a liar and his pants are on fire. I can see the conflagration from over here. But now you've found out and it's "done with"? I don't think so.

Listen, the usual pattern is to lie and tell you the absolute minimum he thinks he can get away with. He's already done that. There's more, much more that you don't know.

If he truly regrets this vile betrayal and wants to try to mend things, he needs to be absolutely honest with you for once. He should be crawling over hot bloody coals to prove that he understands how he's utterly destroyed your trust. What's his plan for attempting to do this, just carrying as normal and pretending it never happened?

StealthPolarBear Sat 30-Jan-16 16:43:11

He's had his second chance from you though.

AnyFucker Sat 30-Jan-16 16:43:17

A second chance to what ?

Unless he comes clean he is still cheating on you. Giving him a "second chance" under these circumstances will just prolong the agony. Please don't that "staying for the dc" crap...a relationship like this is a poor example to them.

StealthPolarBear Sat 30-Jan-16 16:43:49

And you know how that turned out. He dug himself further and further in.

LetsBeeAvenue18 Sat 30-Jan-16 16:48:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Valentine2 Sat 30-Jan-16 17:03:40

I think he will cheat on you again even if this time he begs you to stay with him and makes all kinds of xcuses etc. Moreover, you will always keep looking over your shoulder. What a hard situation to be in.

Ididnthearanything Sat 30-Jan-16 17:06:31

He's had/having an affair. He wants to make things right. You've asked him to leave. Surely if he wanted to make things right he would do whatever you asked! Quite arrogant of him. Me think he's worried about where he's going to live more than 'making it right'.

Sorry OP, I haven't been in your situation, but he's continuing to lie and be disrespectful, I can't imagine giving him another chance, - to mess it up.

summerwinterton Sat 30-Jan-16 17:09:23

Why would you want to stay with a cheat. Surely all you are showing your dc is that you don't value yourself. I hope if you divorce he doesn't try and claim half of your property.

Even if, "best case scenario", he hasn't slept with someone else, you can bet anything that if you were to easily forgive & forget, he will remember that next time someone else catches his eye.

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