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New to dating. Have I been blown out?(48 Posts)
So I am a single dad new on the dating scene. This is the second woman I have dated so far. So still new to it. I liked her and all seemed to be going well. The conversation flowed well both sides, we were laughing and joking, we shared common ground and she was stunning. She had the most beautiful eyes. Then she popped out and said she had a call from a friend who she had to go out and help and this cut the date short. I am not entirely sure if it was not an excuse to make a sharp exit. The date ended with a kiss before she left and she said we should defiantly do it again. I think I rushed the kiss because I was nervous and already worried that I was being blown out. I kick myself later for this because she had the most lovely soft lips and I would have loved a big long kiss. Also that would of helped me judge her level of interest. But I don't know if she is just being nice. May be I am over reading into things. When she was talking about her reasons for leaving the eye contact seemed to go. This made me a bit concerned this maybe an excuse to leave. So I am really confused to if she likes me or not. If she wasn't interested I would must prefer her tell me, I am a big boy. I will leave it a bit to chat her because she said she is sorting out her friends personal issues and last thing she'll want is me bothering her I guess.
I am not sure if I lived up to her expectations. We have been talking a lot online and we had talked about getting very intimate. I think something we are both looking want and to be honest hungry for. My worry is I didn't initiate really any body contact or go in for trying to hold her hand or anything physical. Did I do the right thing for a first date or should I have just go for it all guns blazing? I did really fancy her but I am very reserved initially until I get comfortable with someone, then I am the opposite. I am very passionate. Based on our online talking maybe she wanted me to sweep her off her feet and take her into my arms. And if the night had of continued I am sure I would have warmed up a bit and been all those things as I was defiantly interest. So was I too wooded to start off with considering we had struck up relationship online?
A friend called with an 'emergency ' that old chestnut.
Better luck next time.
I wouldn't talk about 'getting initimate' with someone again before you meet them tbh. Less building a relationship online before you meet and do it naturally in person after meeting. And no, don't go in all guns blazing on a first date - equally, don't be too stand off-ish. How long were you chatting online before you met?
And sorry, but I don't think there was an emergency
I'm really glad you didn't instigate anything sexual as she would have run even faster than she did last night. It sounds as though she was happy having cyber sex but when the fantasy became real she couldn't go through with it. The thing is that if you meet someone when all you've been talking about is sex, you don't really know them. Try getting to know someone properly in future.
Internet dating can be successful (married nearly 8 years) but I think you need to get less involved online, meet sooner and if it doesn't work out then move on. I think the emergency was an excuse but her loss, plenty more fish in the sea. Kiss at end of first date is fine, any more (unless they grab you) they will run for the hills. Opening doors and giving up seat is of course allowed.
I think what might have happened is that you both built up too many expectations about the 'intimacy' aspect of the date without actually having met. It's easily done
feelings over email seem to have a habit of ramping up quickly but it is not "real".
When you met, she may not have felt the chemistry that she'd expected, or she many have felt that she wanted to pull back and take things a bit more slowly in person than she had via email. She may have felt under pressure to deliver on the sexual aspects of the date -- you say you think it was something you were 'both hungry for'. Perhaps she lost her appetite? I'm sorry, but I don't believe the "friend emergency" was real.
maybe she wanted me to sweep her off her feet and take her into my arms
Don't do this. Just...don't.
This is very common when Internet dating. You set it all up and get excited and when you meet it is a letdown. I have met guys and known within two seconds I didn't want to be there but stayed for a quick drink out of politeness. It sounds like she couldn't wait to get away and gave an overused excuse (it's always an unexpected emergency.)
You were right to not make a move on her. She would have hated it.
Next time don't talk too much online and definitely don't talk about becoming intimate before you have even met.
This sounds like a date based on fantasy which is a common mistake with Internet dating.
Sorry but it sounds like you weren't what she was expecting so she made a quick exit.
If you are going to do Internet dating keep your feet firmly on the ground and don't have any preconceived ideas or false expectations. Chatting to someone online means nothing until you actually meet the person.
Well I don't know don't know. I am still very much learning the rope. When I say intimate I mean talk was a alluding to more closeness kissing, cuddling and the like. Not necessarily humping straight away. She sort of started it and I started of cool and got dragged in. But I think your all right on the mater.
On reflection I do think I was to standoffish. I think the same with the first woman I dated. I think my judgement was right to be over the top but I do hold back a little to much maybe. I need to get a better balance. The conversation did go well and the signs looked fairly promising until she went for a call. If she isn't interested that's fine. Life would be easy if we all fell in love with the first person we meet. I just wish people would be straight. She said she defiantly wanted to do it again and we discussed the next date. But I have learned that what people say is often different to what they do all want. I suppose time will tell. I will probably know for sure in the next couple of days.
You would know by now if she was interested. She would have contacted you to apologise and arrange the next date.
It's ok to hold back a bit when you first meet. You said you were laughing and joking so it couldn't have been that bad. Don't be something you're not.
And don't worry about being 'passionate' on a first date. Most women would hate that when they had only just met. I met a man in a pub and he moved seats so he could sit next to me and hold my hand, it really put me off and I didn't see him again.
Did her friend ring her or did she ring the friend?
If she rang the friend I would forget about her if I were you. Just learn from the experience and move on.
I just wish people would be straight.
Unfortunately the reason most women will use an excuse is that they have had a past experience where a bloke has become nasty after being told no
Probably a prearranged call and she chose to use it as a get out.
Sometimes you just know you don't want to try with someone. Just be normal and don't try to affect a personality or attitude you don't have.
I met my DH online. We only 'chatted' for about a week before we met up, I think prolonged chatting without meeting leads to building up a fantasy person who isn't like that in real life. We also didn't chat about anything raunchy, it was more light - hearted.
First date was more chatting/getting to know each other, with a kiss on the cheek at the end. I'd have run a mile if he'd been all over me. First date was enough to see if there was chemistry, nothing more than that. She obviously felt there wasn't, doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.
The wrong thing would be to think you should have been more pushy, if she liked you that much she wouldn't have left so quickly. Move on, and be patient.
I think anyone cutting a date short with an emergency is definitely signalling things aren't feeling the way they want them to. Its brutal but that is internet dating as many have said - there isn't the opportunity to build up to things with more traditional see, meet, date intros. You have to toughen up to this if you want to use internet dating. As a lot of people have said - shorter online discussions/earlier meets are the way to go - afternoon coffee is better than an evening for first meet as an evening sets the scene for too long a date that is a problem to end if one party wants out. Even if its a total wow date that you don't want to end it doesn't matter as you can fix another longer one straight away.
I do agree though that its a proper PITA when people wont be honest but if you start a lie you will struggle to get out of it. So if the 'friend emergency' was BS she's hardly going to reply, when you ask for another date, no sorry I don't fancy it as she's already pretended she is leaving reluctantly.
Don't wait for her forget and move on.
The "emergency phone-call" is a common way to remove oneself from the situation, so its quite likely that's what happened.
However just because its likely doesn't mean that a genuine emergency is impossible. In your place I would be very up front and say:-
How you enjoyed the brief meeting but know that the emergency phone call is often a polite way to end a date which isn't going the way the other person hoped. If that were the case then its fine as not everyone will "click" but you'd prefer to know and move on rather than be left wondering.
I wouldn't bother with all the messing about before you meet. Do all the talking there, I think the ease of communication is the bane of new relationships
I need to listen to my gut more. It definatly seems like see has made an exit. I know she was probably being nice or avoiding conflict. But personally I just like people to be honest. I like people to be bruthless and honest. I don't like being messed around. If it is a story she's creative. She spent quite a time time telling me complex story.
So I won't count on a second date but would be pleasantly surprised if it turns out true.
How long were you chatting online for before you had a date OP?
A get out call... do not (in future) talk intimacy before meeting. Establish interest (general not sexual) and meet quickly.
Two dates in one week? Thats good going so chalk it up to experience!
I must admit is not bad going. I don't get alot of free time. But as I fate would have it I got a couple of breaks so I figured life is to short to squander the rare opportunity when they come up.
Can I ask another piece of advice everyone? She sort of started the intimate chat. So what do I do in future if someone starts it? If I don't reciprocate surely that'll blow things. If I do we come back to the same situation. It feels I am dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. Any advice?
This was date ONE.
Everybody knows that the first date is just to check eaxh other out.
You are taljing like you"ve been strung along for weeks.
Dont 'sext' would be my advice. I never go down that path and all of the men ive met up with have been interesting and easy to talk to. One man clearly wasnt impressed with me and said "ilk be in touch". I was just going to say "nice to have met you".
If you don't leave that long between messaging and texting I can't imagine there would be much opportunity for intimate conversation to arise. You still haven't said how long you were messaging for before meeting.
I would say
" meet me! Check me out, see if you still wanna say that".
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