Advice please! Separated last year but still struggling......

[Mantwab]

My marriage of 6 years ended last May when my daughter and myself were forced to leave the marital home after my hubby started drinking and self harming. Our marriage was over long before that and it has always been pretty lonely on my part. I took control of the whole situation and found us all somewhere else to live, my husband has a flat and I have a 2 bedroom place. He is much better and sorted himself out with my help. We share the care of our daughter who is four years old. She is happy and settled with things now and so is my husband yet I am suddenly really struggling with it all. I don't want him back at all and I don't feel anything for him anymore but I can't shake off the feeling of guilt for our daughter and the feeling that our family life ( although it was non existent to a degree) has gone. I'm suffering terrible anxiety attacks and feeling low and tearful. it's been a tough year and perhaps I need to cut myself some slack but why can't I just get on with it now. i feel like this is what I wanted but now it's happened it's all so strange. I've started dating a lovely guy who absolutely adores me but I still can't shake off the anxiety of the marriage ending even though it was the best outcome for all of us. How long will I feel like this? I guess there's no rule book on it but advice would be grateful received!!

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

Didn't want to read and run, but I'm sure more helpful peeps will be along!

It's still really early days. I split with my xh 4 years ago, met dp a year later and am blissfully happy but I still have the odd moment when I feel sad for my DCs. They are all fine and happy, XH is happy, I'm happy! But it would be unusual not to have any 'what ifs'.

You did the right thing by your DD getting her out of w harmful atmosphere and I'm sure the shock of that helped your XH to sort himself out too. Sometimes only a drastic shock can give the impetus for change.

[Aussiebean]

It could possibly be that you are finally in a calm and safe enough environment to process what has happened.

I would imagine that since May, life has been incredibly busy and stressful that you haven't had much time to stop and think.

Now, he is better and doesn't need you as much. Your dd is good and happy so you relax there too.

So now, without others to really concentrate on, you are starting to deal with the emotions.

[goddessofsmallthings]

I think Aussiebean has it spot on and you've been so busy with doing what needed to be done that you've only recently had the luxury of time to think about other matters.

Counselling, particularly CBT, can help you examine your feelings and file them away where they can't undermine or destablalise you and I suggest you ask your GP for a referral, and also consider a short course of anti-depressants to counteract your anxiety until you can get to work on discovering what exactly is troubling you about separating and begin to look forward to bringing about a formal ending to your marriage.