Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

if someone knew your partner was cheating on you... would you want them to tell you?

(89 Posts)
Soapmaker34 Thu 28-Jan-16 11:27:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loveyoutothemoon Thu 28-Jan-16 11:32:08

Yes.

rumred Thu 28-Jan-16 11:32:11

Yes. Prefer them not to cheat in the first place of course. Why?

Cheesybaps Thu 28-Jan-16 11:34:25

100% yes

Soapmaker34 Thu 28-Jan-16 11:36:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bb888 Thu 28-Jan-16 11:37:57

I would want to know.

FifteenFortyNine Thu 28-Jan-16 11:38:01

difficult question. i would probably find it hard to believe someone else over my DP. tbh I don't think there is a 'best' way of finding out, so whether it's DP or a 3rd person doing the telling, the impact would still be the same.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup Thu 28-Jan-16 11:43:19

Yes.

Soapmaker34 Thu 28-Jan-16 11:43:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loveyoutothemoon Thu 28-Jan-16 11:45:18

Tell her in person.

Vaginaaa Thu 28-Jan-16 11:46:24

I'd want to know but, at the same time, lots of people shoot the messenger in their desperation for it to not be true. So I wouldn't tell anyone unless it was an anonymous hint that led to them "discovering" it themselves.

Pidapie Thu 28-Jan-16 11:46:24

I'd want to know!

penguinplease Thu 28-Jan-16 11:46:59

Yes I would want to know, I would feel awfully betrayed if I found out later that it had happened and my friends had kept it from me.

Similarly I would tell a friend the truth also and I have recently been shot down as the messenger when doing just that. I don't regret it, she knows now what a twat he is and what she does with that is up to her but its not on my conscience to be keeping anyones dirty secrets. When she is ready to get over this and be friends again I will be there.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 28-Jan-16 11:49:12

I admit I'm a bit odd sometimes, but I wouldn't want anyone to tell me.

What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over - or something like that.

GingerNutRiskIt Thu 28-Jan-16 11:49:47

No, I wouldn't want to know.

Vaginaaa Thu 28-Jan-16 11:50:10

What the eye doesn't see can still give you an STD though!

Offred Thu 28-Jan-16 11:51:33

I'd want to know. I was glad to be told by a mutual friend and didnt shoot the messenger. Was confirmation that lies I suspected were lies were actually lies IYSWIM.

Adeleslostbeehive Thu 28-Jan-16 11:51:46

Not a stranger no. I'd think they were making it up to be spiteful.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 28-Jan-16 11:52:14

An STD is easier to deal with than a broken heart.

Offred Thu 28-Jan-16 11:53:14

And the whole what the eye doesn't see thing is a load of crap. Usually finding out that your BF/DP/DH is cheating explains a lot of disconcerting behaviour that you may have been feeling was your fault up until then.

Vaginaaa Thu 28-Jan-16 11:54:06

Not if you don't know about it because you are symptom free and unaware that your partner is putting you at risk.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 28-Jan-16 11:54:15

Actually I think Adele's got it there - if my best friend found out I'd trust her to be telling the truth and looking after me. Anyone else - no.

Offred Thu 28-Jan-16 11:54:26

And do you think your heart wouldn't be broken if you caught an std from a partner who was supposedly monogamous but had been infected by cheating?

Wilful ignorance doesn't bring anyone peace.

Offred Thu 28-Jan-16 11:55:49

You think everything would be fine if said cheating partner who had infected you turned it round on you and was angry at you and accusing you of cheating and infecting him/her?

That's a pretty common experience with cheaters tbh.

BlondeOnATreadmill Thu 28-Jan-16 11:56:17

Surely if you know the OW, you would know when they are due to meet, and possibly even where.

Could you make an anonymous phone call to the girlfriend and tell her "your BF is currently at the X Bar with his OW", and the she can go see for herself.

To make an anonymous call, make sure you dial 141 before her number, and then you can't be traced.

Bear in mind though, that if you are the only person that the OW is confiding in, it may be very obvious who has spilled the beans.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now