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Struggling to accept I'm alone.

(11 Posts)
Mummystar123 Wed 27-Jan-16 16:11:18

I know my ex is a total bastard but I'm so sad that he's gone. I know I'm in love with someone that isn't real and is a comete lie but it's so so bleddy painful and I'm struggling to se that I will ever stop feeling so hurt. I know I won't just get over him overnight but I miss someone holding me and curling up with.
I'm throwing myself into being a good mum but once the kids are in bed all I can do is get in a hot shower and sob my heart out!
I'm just so so hurt. I really trusted him and I've discovered lie after lie and feel so betrayed and actually I feel stupid for falling for it all!

SongBird16 Wed 27-Jan-16 18:18:01

I'm so sorry but I don't have anything helpful to tell you, except that you're not alone and it's absolutely shit.

I've been there, still am really, but I find that I'm gradually having more good days than bad days.

In the meantime you need to really really take care of yourself, be kind, do things that make you happy, and take support wherever you can.

Psychologically I've coped by drawing a line under it. I never think about it, actively 'change the subject' if an unwanted thought pops into my head. I'm determined not to waste another minute of my life on him, and in time hope to find a fulfilling life that will be the very best revenge. I daresay all the suppression is unhealthy, but that's how I'm coping at the moment!

I hope things get better for you soon.

Mummystar123 Wed 27-Jan-16 19:18:59

Thanks songbird- I will try the active avoidance and see if it works for me!

springydaffs Wed 27-Jan-16 19:28:27

I've never had anyone to curl up with etc - and I've been married! Past tense, obvs.

I'm probably not a curling up sort - who knows?? - but it sounds like you are. What I'm getting at is this may be your personality type eg some people are home lovers, some aren't. My boy is a homebod, I'm not (would rather be out). This cuddling/curling up thing could be one of the reasons you are feeling the loss so keenly: you need a bod, any bod, to snuggle up with.

Plus you have been horribly betrayed. I'm so sorry flowers Maybe put all that has happened, and the consequences/loss, in categories and see if you can ease some of it while you deal with the loss and fallout. Eg get some cushions/a dog/cat to cuddle up with and smother with affection.

Thinking of you.

Claraoswald36 Wed 27-Jan-16 20:22:17

You need to focus on what's good that you have and concentrate on that. What I mean by that is a nice quiet house, things where you left them, harmony, kids being happy and being able to call all the shots in your life.
Take control, assess your financial situation/career/where you live. Make choices based on just you for a change. Embrace being alone grin

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Wed 27-Jan-16 20:26:54

You are never alone. thanks

Time. You just need some time unfortunately.

Also a dog or a cat is a really good idea. I couldn't have got through my break up without my cat.

And generally just keep busy as much as possible.

Resilience16 Wed 27-Jan-16 22:28:14

Feeling your pain mummystar,I split with my long term bf today too. Here's a hug from me to you x we can get though this one day at a time but it bloody bloody hurts x

Mummystar123 Thu 28-Jan-16 17:57:57

I'm feeling a bit better today, I think a lot of it is my pregnancy hormones making me feel worse. I had a damn good cry last night and then thought 'right time to sort my shit out' I then filed all my bills and receipts- fuckin boring but felt better after! Lol
Tonight I'm working but will be coming home to a stack of shredding to do over dinner! Tomorrow bank to look for new account etc and then looking forward to scan and baby planning!

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Thu 28-Jan-16 20:37:19

You are pregnant? You poor thing.

Sounds like you are keeping busy which is good. Just keep on being busy even if it's admin stuff etcetc

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Thu 28-Jan-16 20:39:10

Congrats on the baby of course smile

But sorry this is all going on while your pregnant is what I meant.

If you see what I mean!

springydaffs Thu 28-Jan-16 22:44:00

Phew, baby won't be exposed on a daily basis to revolting father. Yay!

Keep going, girl, we're behind you.

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