Friend possibly giving me the brush off.

[pampickedpepper]

Sorry this is long for something that is actually quite trivial. Someone I used to be really really good friends with is moving abroad for work in a couple of weeks time. For the past few months our friendship has been a bit rocky but when we meet we seem (from my perspective) to get on well and have a laugh. The last time i saw her was between christmas and new year.

I sent her a message today asking if she was free to catch up before she left and got a reply that she was too busy. My instant reaction was to be a little offended as this feels like a brush-off, she only lives 10 minutes drive from me so neither of us need to make a huge effort to meet. She is single with no DCs and she hasn't worked and has been preparing for this move since the beginning of december so again i can't imagine what is going to fill all her waking hours between now and her leaving. I have in the past offered help with anything she needs doing.

I'd love to see her before she goes but am also tempted to call her on the too busy line. Should i just reply with a ok, if you change your mind let me know type message, or (as I'm tempted to do because I want to know if she really is lying to me) send a reply asking what it is that's going to keep her so busy for the next 2 weeks? Or can someone suggest an alternative approach?

[SevenOfNineTrue]

I know someone who did a similar move and literally all their free time was being spent on preparing for the move and seeing family and close friends in the final few weeks. Sounds like bad timing to me.

[pampickedpepper]

thanks seven. I think it's possibly the fact that i thought I'd be in the close friends category but apparently am not which has hurt my ego a bit.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

If her head is occupied with things like packing and relocating, she probably doesn't have the headspace for much else.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I'd be a bit miffed as well.
I think I'd send back something like 'Ouch, that hurt. OK then'
And leave it at that.

[NewYearSameMe]

Moving country is very stressy and complicated (I've done it a few times), much more so than a move within a country (which I've also done more than a few times) because you have to get to grips with different ways of doing things and the logistics are a pain. It always took far more time than I thought it would, for example just filling in the insurance thingy for the removal company took a whole afternoon.

I was so wound up on my last move that if one of my friends had dared to suggest that I wasn't 'busy' I would probably have said a few choice words and definitely wouldn't have met up.

[OurBlanche]

Text back, right now and say: Is there anything I can help you with? Helping hands, car, bags, boxes?

[OurBlanche]

Sorry, posted too soon. She will be scrabbling like crazy to get everything done in time. You probably haven't even registered as a real live person, she will just have heard an interruption, a distraction. Don't feel miffed, just offer your help and then let her decide what, if anything, you could do to be useful!

[SevenOfNineTrue]

i thought I'd be in the close friends category but apparently am not which has hurt my ego a bit.

Maybe you are. A few of her other friends may have made arrangements with her far in advance but very close to her leaving date and what with all the moving issues, not to mention seeing family, her diary is chocca. Maybe she saw your meeting a few weeks ago as the last meet up?

I like the suggestions of offering help. Relocating is a very difficult and stressful time. Even if there is nothing practical you can do, I am sure she will be grateful for the offer and moral support.

[deplorabelle]

This is really hard but honestly honestly don't take it personally. She probably is crazy busy. I have cried buckets (I mean serious, distraught tears) over a friend I thought was giving me the brushoff. She wasn't. I thought I'd made allowances for the fact she has huge caring responsibilities, but in truth, I don't think I'd made enough allowance.

Is your friend moving far? Will you be able to visit her? She will appreciate that far more than a visit now which will just be rushed and stressed and she won't be able to concentrate properly on it because of a thousand other things to worry about.