I'll give you some background from my perspective, a brief insight into the state of out relationship, tell you the problem and then hopefully have some feedback as I am lost.
My partner have been together in a loving relationship for the past eleven years. The only thing my partner regrets is not having had previous sexual experiences before our relationship started, I was in my twenties and she eighteen. This has sometimes been a distraction for her and having myself had numerous sexual partners, something which I never boasted or bragged about, could understand where she was coming from. We've had a healthy sexual relationship although, as many men would probably say the same, we never seem to have enough. I say this tongue in cheek but sometimes it did seem like an age would pass.
I'm not the easiest person in the world to live with but have a good job, have ensured she hasn't wanted for anything and have been affectionate and considerate, although sometimes grumpy. Our general family life seems good and we spend lots of quality time with our children though probably not enough together. When we do go out friends sometimes comment, especially if it involves dancing, that we're like two in love teenagers. We're definitely more affectionate than most of our peers. She is generally laid back and I'm more practical in terms of everyday things like money etc.
The problem is this. In the summer of 2015 we were at a rather drunken garden party. We were talking to a couple who we were friendly with and unbeknown to me, the chap, in the darkness started stroking my partners shoulders etc and asked her to go help him fetch me and his wife some drinks, cutting the chase he and my partner ended up kissing. A couple of months later she told me this, grief stricken and very upset. I told her that everyone makes mistakes and knowing that she and most of the other mums at school fancied him, put it down to a drunken blip. There was no further contact between him and my partner but cut forward to October and we're out with his wife etc, I am most cross but manage to hide my anger. Nothing further happened. Just after the 30th of October my partner turned 30, this frightened her somewhat and our sex life exploded, it transformed overnight, as you can imagine I was very pleased!
Over the next couple of months she became very distracted, always in the other room on her phone, started listening to romantic music, became very distant to me and the children, almost to the point whereby you could say she neglected us. The kids were always washed, clean and fed but there was little emotional input into their lived, they're 7 & 3 and up until then she had been a fantastic mum. On December the 26th I discovered she'd been seeing this man since mid November, shortly after our sex life took a turn for the better. There had sent each other almost a thousand text messages in December. He said he was going to leave his wife and kids, made his wife out to be a monster and not very good housewife, basically told my partner everything a man would say to get a women in bed. They slept together once (he had penis issues due to an operation, I believe I was being used for sex as she couldn't get it from him, although that may be paranoia). If you read the text messages it was like to star crossed lovers. I confronted them both and he told me on numerous occasions he was going to stop. We changed her phone number and she told him to stop contact as he was married, I did get the feeling that had he not been married she may not have said that to him. I decided not to tell his wife as it was xmas and my Christmas and family life had been blown apart, I didn't see the point in ruining hers and her children's. My kids were already suffering due to the lack of attention they'd been getting and the ensuing arguments.
Throughout January I had to put up with them texting each other, my partner was absolutely torn and constantly in tears sobbing uncontrollably. She was torn between her admitted love for me and her children and the fact she'd fallen for a another man, who unfortunately was also the husband of one of her good friends. Thankfully it came to a head when his wife found out. I was initially frightened as I didn't want his wife to discover the affair. I wanted to make our relationship work and I thought if his wife found out she would kick him out and my partner would end up leaving as well, them ending up together. The evening after the day his wife found out I sent him a drunken text stating I would ensure my kids grew up despising him. He sent me one back the following morning and to also to my partner stating that he had promised his wife it was over and there would be no more contact. My partner initially wanted to know why he had left her in the lurch after she had risked everything and essentially destroyed her own life and relationship, he never answered her and it looks as though his wife has allowed him, after an absence of a day or two, to move back into the house.
We have spent the last few days with me looking after my partner as she's suffered from the flu and been bedridden, she tells me she can't forgive herself for what she's done to me and that she wished she could turn back time. She did say she didn't regret the time she spent with him despite realising how destructive it had been. She was truly sorry for the lies and deceit and for putting our kids through hell. I know this as I could see it as clear as day. The other thing I could see was that she appeared to be genuinely devastated that it had come to an end although she never said as much. She has been as considerate as it is possible to be for someone in her position and had told me everything I've asked. Sometimes you wish you could un-ask a question though. As a side note I caught her day dreaming, I asked her what she wanted more than anything and she stated 'both of you'.
I am at a loss as to what to do now, I love this woman more than anything, she completes me and I'm frightened of losing her from my life. I want normality to resume although I admit things have to change. I don't think being bored and lonely at home has helped her and realise I've made a rod for my own back by enabling her not to work. I also understand that I have some changes to make to my own outlook on life if I'm to be a more enjoyable person to be around. I know that given time I can get over what was done to me, but I don't know if this is what I should be doing. Please, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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15 replies
lukeseri · 27/01/2016 01:05
OP posts:
IamlovedbyG ·
27/01/2016 14:42
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