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Has anyone ended up in a serious relationship with their FWB?

(19 Posts)
Longwindingroad Tue 26-Jan-16 17:56:34

I would love some advice on how to make this transition work.

We were together last year for a few months but I wanted more, he didn't and so we stopped seeing each other but kept in touch. He did try and get me to come back lots of times but I knew I wanted more so I stayed away.

He now wants a relationship with me and to give things a go and I would love some advice on how to make it work and if it can?

I feel quite mixed feelings because I am worried he is agreeing to this against his will and don't want to feel like I forced him into it with an ultimatum and also quite worried as I got so accustomed to him being a FWB I don't know how to make the move to being a girlfriend with him.

I do want to be with him though

TheNaze73 Tue 26-Jan-16 17:59:46

Think you'll have to run it up the flagpole & see who salutes. You like him, he's finally realised that he likes you, give it a go smile

SoThatHappened Tue 26-Jan-16 18:20:37

Cant you start dating him and not have sex with him for a while?

Longwindingroad Tue 26-Jan-16 18:47:51

Yes I could, I feel a bit nervous because I am not used to going on dates with him. I would really love to know if this sometimes works out!

daisychain01 Tue 26-Jan-16 18:47:55

Hes a

daisychain01 Tue 26-Jan-16 18:52:21

Sorry but I can't buy into the notion of a man or woman being forced into a relationship. If he's that spineless that his decision to be with you is based on him feeling forced into it I'd be walking in the opposite direction it should be a joint and equal decision to be involved not down to coercion so it that's what he feels, then please rethink the balance of the relationship.

I'm genuinely not having good a go at you but I do think it sounds worrying

Longwindingroad Tue 26-Jan-16 20:03:48

Well I just ended things because I said I wanted more. He says he now wants more too after we had a 4 months break. Do you feel this is coercion?

TooSassy Tue 26-Jan-16 20:09:44

No! It's not coercion.

It's going Away. Continuing to play the field. Sitting opposite someone on a date and realising you miss someone else. Then having the guts to come back and say as much.

Try dating and taking it slow and see how it goes!

Longwindingroad Tue 26-Jan-16 20:27:18

Well that made it sound better!

It hasn't sat well with me that I felt like I'd made demands or forced him into anything. I did genuinely just wish him well, but the casual arrangement wasn't for me!

forumdonkey Tue 26-Jan-16 21:33:37

Try it and see whether he reverts to old ways or if he has genuinely changed his mind and isn't just wanting sex. Suggest dates and trips out and do things together that you never did before. If he is reluctant or won't you have your answer and ---> run

FuckThisandThat Tue 26-Jan-16 22:15:58

Me!

Similar to you in that I walked away but more than once, the sex was/is out of this world! He told me he wanted a relationship just as I'd made peace with us only ever being FWB. It's still early days for us and it's been bumpy on occasions, the transition has been difficult and we have added complications but despite all that it's good.

The four month break is probably a good chance to start a fresh, our breaks never lasted that long and if I'm honest I think we could have done with a longer one between the FWB ending and relationship starting, what I struggled with the most was remembering that while we had been FWB for a few years, the commited relationship was in its infancy!

Hope all goes well smile

Destinysdaughter Tue 26-Jan-16 22:20:04

I think he's telling you what you want to hear but I fees he's not really being genuine. Only time will tell really. It's up to you if you want to take the risk.

Tattersail Tue 26-Jan-16 22:33:39

It can work!

My dp and I started out as fwb, at first neither of us wanting more but slowly realising we had real feelings for each other.

We've been together properly for almost 3 years now, are engaged and have a wonderful baby boy.

In your situation I guess I'd go for the slow burn. Yes you've already had a physical relationship but there's no need to dive right back into it. Go out for a few dates, see how it goes. I wish you luck smile

SoThatHappened Tue 26-Jan-16 23:31:01

Might be a dry spell.

Longwindingroad Wed 27-Jan-16 00:23:37

I did also walk away more than once but it only lasted a couple of weeks each time. The sex was brilliant and I felt almost addicted to him and it took a lot for me to walk away for four months.

He has seen other people in that time, and so have I, and he's been in contact all that time and tried to see me a lot of times but I was strong and refused nicely saying we would only end up where we started.

I had actually also come to the point of letting go and thinking nothing would ever come of it and felt happy / ready to move on so it is a bit scary.

He says he's felt nothing like the attraction we have with anyone else and I haven't either so I hope it's genuine and not a dry spell. Could be though.

I walk with trepidation.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs Wed 27-Jan-16 00:44:41

I felt like I'd made demands or forced him into anything

No no no. You set a boundary. Boundaries are a good thing. He has had the option to walk away. He has chosen not to.

Decide what you want from a rs in terms of how often you see each other which things you do as a couple and take it from there.

peasareevilcreatures Wed 27-Jan-16 09:43:15

Yep, 3 1/2 years into a committed relationship with my FWB. The same thing, he approached me saying he was ready for a relationship so we gave it a go.
Definitely second the advice of taking things slowly to begin with though, let it develop naturally.

Didiusfalco Wed 27-Jan-16 10:01:08

Yes, Im married to mine. It sounds to me like you have good self esteem and the ability to say 'this is not working for me'. This is excellent, theres no better way of getting respect in a relationship than valuing yourself. With my dh, it kind of happened gradually, we started to spend more time on pillow talk, not just sex, got to know each other better and then started going on dates. It was a slightly strange way to begin a relationship but in my experience better than going on dates and trying to kick start a spark from there. Weve been married nearly 10 years and still have great chemistry.

Longwindingroad Thu 28-Jan-16 21:45:26

Thanks everyone. God, I want it to work. Almost scared to hope and I had come to the point of letting go and trying to just move on as hard as it was.

I was so into him, I felt he was too but he was just in a mindset of not wanting to be in a relationship and he was stubborn as an old boot so he kept moving back and forth.

He acted most of the time like we were in one anyway but I just felt like he wasn't giving 100% to things and I wanted 100% and to be with someone who saw a future with me.

I've never had chemistry like it with anyone else and he says the same. Keep fingers crossed for me!

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