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aAdvice please. How to help my sister.

(15 Posts)
ItsOfficiallyNippySoSayMyNips Sun 24-Jan-16 08:43:02

I've spoke to my mum this morning who told me my sisters boyfriend has beaten her up. From the sounds of it tried to kill her. She won't call the police and has said she'll deny it if we call them. She said she's not protecting him she's scared of what he, his family and his friends will do to her if the police is involved. Apparently they've been threatening her for weeks. She's with a friend at the moment but can't stay there. How can I help her? I'm happy for her to stay here with me for as long as she needs to but I live 20 miles ish from where she is now and I know she'll be worried about the extra costs of getting herself to work and her son to school. He's coming to pick up his stuff this afternoon. Is that a good idea? I'm going to be there as well but I think she shouldn't see him at all. I feel so out of my depth and don't know how to help! I'm so so scared for her.

smilingeyes79 Sun 24-Jan-16 08:59:58

For now I would take her lead on it. Support and observe, be there when he returns for his stuff. If he is threatening then you call the police because you can statement it even if your sister doesn't feel able.

ItsOfficiallyNippySoSayMyNips Sun 24-Jan-16 09:27:15

Thank you. I haven't seen her yet. My mum said she's a mess. I hope she agrees to come and stay with me. He's never been to my house so she should be safe here.

ItsOfficiallyNippySoSayMyNips Sun 24-Jan-16 10:02:30

I really don't know what to do! She won't agree to come over here and she won't agree to getting the locks changed. I really don't think she is safe in her house while he can just walk in whenever she likes and she won't listen to me at all! I have a feeling she's going to take him back again and then she'll be back to acting like nothing has happened in a week. I'm scared for her and my nephew. And I feel so frustrated! Why can't she put her sons safety first?!

QuiteLikely5 Sun 24-Jan-16 10:05:16

Bloody hell where was her son?

Normally I say keep out of it and be there when it all goes wrong but you must call 101 and seek advice

She can easily get re housed

That's how these families work by threats of violence!

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 24-Jan-16 10:08:14

I would talk to Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247.

ItsOfficiallyNippySoSayMyNips Sun 24-Jan-16 10:09:31

Her son was at his dad's at the time. He's still there now but she's due to pick him up this afternoon. I keep thinking if my nephew had been there I don't think she'd have managed to get out of the house and god knows what would of happened. While will she not let me help her? I'm shaking with worry and frustration. She's trying to play it all down to me. Saying she knows he won't do it again. But my mum saw the bruises yesterday and it sounds like he completely lost the plot over absolutely nothing. I'm genuinely scared he'll end up killing her if she doesn't protect herself.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 24-Jan-16 10:12:35

Can you tell the boy's father? The child needs protection at the very least!

You've got to think with your head here

pocketsaviour Sun 24-Jan-16 10:15:21

Has she had hospital treatment OP?
Have you asked her what lies she's planning to tell her son when he sees the bruising/cuts on her face?
Would she consider ringing Women's Aid?

something2say Sun 24-Jan-16 10:16:44

Ring your local social services first thing tomorrow. They will go round and assess. if the risks are significant which they do sound, then the SWs will make safe. The child is at risk through DV and the child protection laws cover that. And, very few families and friends who threaten actually go through with anything on the authorities are involved, especially if they want any sort of child contact. And also ring the national helpline to see if there is a DV service in your area. Keep your phone on you when he is there. Maybe ask your sister not to be there when he comes.

ItsOfficiallyNippySoSayMyNips Sun 24-Jan-16 10:31:34

She won't even let me be there now when her boyfriend comes round now. She keeps saying his friend is coming instead so it doesn't matter. I am seriously considering speaking to my nephews dad and asking him to not let my sister take him when she comes to pick him up. His dads a waste of space in terms of being a supportive partner (they broke before my nephew was even 1) but he's a good dad and will keep him safe. Whereas I don't trust her boyfriend at all, she keeps saying he'd never touch her son, but she said that about herself not that long ago. I will call social services if I have to. I just want her to let me help her so I don't have to!!

Clutterbugsmum Sun 24-Jan-16 11:07:47

I would tell your dn dad, I would protect him by letting his dad know what happening as your sister is not prepared to do so.

ItsOfficiallyNippySoSayMyNips Sun 24-Jan-16 12:34:24

Thank god she's agreed to not go back to the house for a few days and is going to let me sort out changing the locks. Nephew is going to stay with his dad for a few days. I really hope this is the start of her seeing some sense and that she stays away from him. Thank you for your help.

alltouchedout Sun 24-Jan-16 12:38:20

Contact social services. I know it will be difficult and that she will likely be angry, but contact then anyway. Your nephew's safety demands it.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 24-Jan-16 18:16:43

In lreland when a woman went back to the house to collect her stuff her very abusive partner shot her and the police man who went with her to protect her. She should not be there if he comes back. It's too dangerous. These men are at their most dangerous when they are losing someone.

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