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I honestly feel frozen. I don't know what to do.PLEASE help me :(

(10 Posts)
emmiebelle Sat 23-Jan-16 11:01:51

I feel so broken right now I do not know what to do..
I feel too ashamed and embarrassed to talk about this with anyone in my life.
so I don't know where else to turn but here.
the last few months have not been great
Back in November
my partner was very moody, depressed.. he would bite my head off..
completely neglected and ignored me no matter what I try..
we haven't had sex in 2 months..
I told him that I wanted to go to a hotel for a night.. he said no
I snapped and asked him why he is so f***ing frigid..
he responded with ' maybe I don't want sex.. maybe I have no sexual desire'
I was gutted...
One Friday nightin beg November we went out and it was awful..
he was so moody and unhappy and every time i tried to hold his hand or touch him
I was pushed away and told him he doesn't feel like it.
I snooped in his emails as soon as he was asleep..
and yes, I know that was wrong.. but I had a gut feeling something was going on and I needed to know.
I checked both of his emails.. and in the second one in the sent folder.
I found that he had replied to two personal ads on craigslist..
first one was 'looking for a third male to join male and female..
second ad was MMF seeking male..
he replied to those ads.. while I was out at a restaurant celebrating my mother's birthday..
telling those people that he was interested etc and to reply to him as they wouldn't be disappointed..
I went beserk..
he told me he was just curious.. and because he didn't actually physically do anything. he didn't think that he had done anything wrong..
I don't agree and things since haven't been the same
I don't feel the same towards him and I have zero trust in him.
he started acting distant again and yes I snooped.
I went through his emails..
and there was an email from naughtydate.com
I went to the site and typed in the screen name and POP his face shows up
he has made a profile on this site
again he claims
I was just curious as to who and what was out there.. I don't want to meet someone else..sorry
I have a problem with porn and I'm sorry.
that's it...
I haven't cried, yelled, screamed
I feel dead inside..
I feel like I don't know if I love him anymore..
I understand that he has huge intimacy issues.. and I always feel like I'm kept at arms length..
he is very shut off emotionally
but he swore black and blue that he would never ever do this again and he has..
i don't believe that he was just looking..
he doesn't at all seem sorry and is doing nothing to fix any damage he has caused..
he doesn't seem to care.
why is he doing this?
why???????????
what the hell do i do now?????
instead of turning to me.. he does this crap
why????

Rainbowqueeen Sat 23-Jan-16 11:10:13

This must be horrible for you.

Do you have friends or family you could go and stay with for a bit while you have time to process it all?

Please believe this is not your fault, not your problem to fix and you deserve so much more

emmiebelle Sat 23-Jan-16 11:15:15

I don't want anyone to know..
I feel so ashamed..
my friends told me to leave him when I told them about the emails back in November..but I didn't.
I don't want them to know about this..
if he loved me and wanted me sexually
he wouldn't be doing this would he?

ovaryhill Sat 23-Jan-16 11:17:21

You pack his stuff and put him out
This won't change, he will go on and on doing this, if you forgive him he take that as effectively having permission to carry on, he will just get better at covering his tracks
He was not just curious, he made a choice to register on these sites with the express intention of being unfaithful to you
This is not someone who loves you or has any respect for you

DoreenLethal Sat 23-Jan-16 11:18:31

A sticking plaster isn't going to cut it, is it?

Why are you Frozen? Why haven't you kicked him out or left him?

ILikeUranus Sat 23-Jan-16 11:36:12

Why? Because he's ok with doing that and he's sure you'll let him get away with it, or he's not sure but doesn't really care if you leave. I can't believe after getting caught so recently he didn't even bother deleting his emails. It sounds like he wants out but doesn't want to say it, so he's acting as badly as possible so that you end it (which you really should, for your own sake).

It's a shame you don't want to tell your friends what's happened. They will be there for you. If you don't say, you can pretend to them that it hasn't happened, but you can't pretend to yourself.

pocketsaviour Sat 23-Jan-16 12:31:54

It sounds like you want a monogamous relationship. Unfortunately, he doesn't.

Do you have children? Do you live together?

AnyFucker Sat 23-Jan-16 12:36:55

what do you do ?

End it, of course. What other options are there ?

Arfarfanarf Sat 23-Jan-16 12:39:00

He does it because he wants to and because doing it is more important to him than how you might feel about it.

He's not curious. He's looking to have casual sex. He may or may not already have done it with others, it's impossible to say. But can't be ruled out. And considering it is with a woman and a man I wonder if he is bisexual or bi curious.

You can't stop him. You can't control what he chooses to do, who he chooses to email etc. He has shown that promises mean nothing to him. He has shown that how you feel is unimportant to him. Why would you believe any future promises he makes? All you can do is decide whether you are going to accept it or not.

If you choose to stay with him, you are with someone who seeks out casual threesomes. Nobody can decide for you if you can live with that. Can you live with that?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sat 23-Jan-16 12:41:10

Sounds like he's bi curious, possibly gay?

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