Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I am going to leave my husband. I WILL do this

(64 Posts)
IWillFindTheStrength Thu 21-Jan-16 20:50:21

He is a bully, plain and simple. It has been going on for years and every time EVERY TIME I promise myself "next time, I leave" and I am still here

If you met him you'd think he was nice, pleasant and a real family man.

In the last 4 days I have been told by him...

I was a shit girlfriend now I'm a shit wife
I'm fucking thick
I'm a loser
I'm a waste of space
I will never amount to nothing
If it wasn't for him I'd have fuck all
He dragged me to where I am now
I have no ambition

I have been putting up with this sort of behaviour for years and I have had enough! I have fucking had enough of being made to feel worthless.

I always get apologies and "I only say that stuff out of anger/frustration/spite" and now he's all nicely nice.

There have been many many occasions I have been sat sobbing after his tirades and he has sat there with a look of disgust on his face then he puts his hands up to his face, makes a gesture of rubbing his eyes and said "boo fucking hoo"

And this piece of shit claims to love me?

Oh and when I asked, during his last mouthful, why he married me, he said it was "a strategic move" or words to that effect.

I don't even like him any more. He has made me feel worthless.

Guess I'm just scared, not of being on my own, I have a house so I'll be ok, but of him kicking off. I'm waiting for my moment.

I have truly fucking had enough

(Just needed to vent)

hesterton Thu 21-Jan-16 20:54:15

Vent away. And you are right to plan to leave. I hope you have some support flowers

Throwingshade Thu 21-Jan-16 20:54:56

Good, hold on to that strength and anger.

What an awful time you've had of it.

Do you have children?

candykane25 Thu 21-Jan-16 20:55:44

No advice but sounds good OP.

Best of luck for your future, which will be much brighter.

Thattimeofyearagain Thu 21-Jan-16 20:56:15

flowers he is a cunt.

IWillFindTheStrength Thu 21-Jan-16 20:58:15

I will be ok, I have friends and my mum is close by, he's going to be mad but I can't take the bullying anymore. I refuse to let any fucking person make me feel this low again

2 days ago his last outburst and I have just been tipped over the edge by it. How fucking dare he say I'd have nothing if it wasn't for him? Ok maybe my house wouldn't be as nice or my car but I probably wouldn't fucking need anti depressants to get me through my day!!

Woodenmouse Thu 21-Jan-16 21:00:19

Good for you realising you deserve better!! Good luck!!

IWillFindTheStrength Thu 21-Jan-16 21:00:22

Yes we have children, I refuse to let them hear this a use of their mother, they are usually in bed but they ain't deaf

And he lost his rag and broke one of my doors. Said he was gonna go to anger management, that was 2 fucking years ago.

I am done like, I could be so much happier on my own!

BadgerIsGrumpy Thu 21-Jan-16 21:00:24

OP, you are in an abusive relationship. You will know when you are ready to leave and once the decision is made, everything else will fall into place flowers

BlondeOnATreadmill Thu 21-Jan-16 21:01:01

Fuck me! Just get out of this.

It's not nearly as hard as it seems.

I left my ExH after 20 years together. He was lovely to me, but was always shagging other women.

2 months later I met my Husband. He is an absolute gem.

Come on Gal. Pull up your braces and just do it. I know you are strong enough. xx

BadgerIsGrumpy Thu 21-Jan-16 21:01:22

That sounded patronising... Sorry

financialwizard Thu 21-Jan-16 21:04:23

flowers

Good for you Iwill we'll all be here to support you when the time is right too.

IWillFindTheStrength Thu 21-Jan-16 21:07:51

Not patronising at all Grumpy, I appreciate all your words of kindness.

I have made my mind up this time. Usually I make my mind up when it happens but then calm down when I get an apology. This time it's 2 days later and I'm still mad. I have sat and thought about it. I've fucking had enough

AnyFucker Thu 21-Jan-16 21:10:53

Don't get mad, get cold

Cold and icy. Make your plans and this time follow through. This inadequate prick doesn't deserve you and a full time family

Put hi out where he belongs. Get your family and friends around you and freeze the fucker out

Casmama Thu 21-Jan-16 21:11:11

Well done on making the decision.
What are your next steps? Do you plan to leave or do you think you can get him to leave?

AnyFucker Thu 21-Jan-16 21:11:11

*him

DespicableBee Thu 21-Jan-16 21:11:22

You will find the strength

IWillFindTheStrength Thu 21-Jan-16 21:12:53

No it will be him leaving, he lives in my house. He has plenty money in the bank to find somewhere, I don't want a penny of it, I want him to use it to fuck off with.

Casmama Thu 21-Jan-16 21:15:50

So how when/ will you tell him? Will you pack his bags?

Is there someone who can be with you when you tell him to reduce the chance of him kicking off and is there someone who can look after the children?

mum2mum99 Thu 21-Jan-16 21:15:51

Putting you down verbally then apologising ...and repeat. Yes you are clearly describing a cycle of abuse. It takes some guts to put a stop to it. Well done for living this. And look forward to a time when no one will tell you: 'you are worthless'. Do you have DCs?

pocketsaviour Thu 21-Jan-16 21:17:53

I strongly suggest seeing a solicitor before you decide how to proceed, as you may have a battle to get him out.

Briefly, although he may not be on the deeds or the mortgage, as you are married he will be entitled to some share of the house. How much will depend on the circumstances, length of marriage, etc.

Can you afford to remortgage if necessary to buy out his share?

IWillFindTheStrength Thu 21-Jan-16 21:18:25

No I'm going to sit him down and tell him that I've had enough of his shit, that I don't like him anymore as a result of it and I want out of the marriage.

Silly fucking man, years ago I worshipped the ground this man walked on, now I can't stand him. And he only has himself to blame.

I feel nothing towards him anymore

IWillFindTheStrength Thu 21-Jan-16 21:19:29

It's a council house and I'm the sole tenant. He should have no rights to this house I wouldn't have thought - I fucking hope!

Hillfarmer Thu 21-Jan-16 22:33:52

Get him out. How dare he treat you like this. Well done OP, keep going. There is nothing to stop you getting him out of your life. Change the locks as soon as he next leaves the house. You are the sole tenant. I am sure you can get him out and keep him out. Good luck.

Euphemia Thu 21-Jan-16 22:42:17

Stay strong! You've made the right decision.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now