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to think he should do more?

(7 Posts)
SashaFierce99 Wed 20-Jan-16 23:49:50

DH works shifts of four on four off/five on three off/three on five off. I am a SAHM to our one year old, autistic three year old and seven year old. The only contribution DH makes (other than financially) is to wash up in the evening. He never does hoovering, ironing, cleaning, washing or even general tidying of toys. I feel like he feels like he's doing me a favour by (for example) playing with the baby while I hoover. I feel like he's a spare part in the house because if he isn't directly supervising a child, he's doing nothing. He never has to supervise the children and sort washing/plan meals/clean the bathroom. I feel that I'm always rushing around and I don't sit down from waking at 6.30 until 9.30 at night whereas he's either working or sitting around with the children.

With the amount of time he has off, should he be doing more? I feel like I don't have enough time with the children despite being a SAHM because there's always things that need to be done besides just playing.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Thu 21-Jan-16 00:22:18

Your working day ends when he walk in the door. After that, stuff should be shared.

You are not his domestic help, you are his wife.

Have you ever asked him to share the responsibility of looking after the children, household chores when he's not working? If not, I suggest you start.

PeppasNanna Thu 21-Jan-16 08:44:05

The joys of shift work!! NOT!

Years of exdp doing rotating random shifts helped the break down of our 16 year relationship. I have 4 dc
2 with ASD & ADHD so i know how hard it is.

As his shifts are static cannot you not create routines around his shifts that work for all of you?

ExplodingCarrots Thu 21-Jan-16 08:54:34

DP is a shift worker and does a lot more. On his days off I take a step back and we share the load. When he gets in from work he does bedtime routine with dd and will wash dinner stuff and wipe down kitchen.

We both sit down and relax at the same time.

I think you need to have a chat with him. It's not fair that you get no break.

Mommasoph30 Thu 21-Jan-16 11:38:07

My husband is a shift work and primary carer of our 3 year old DD on his rest days.
On his rest days he cooks cleans, does the shopping etc and looks after DD.

I work full time and do bed time routine when get back from work to give husband a break and take over weekends.

Its called a Balance and helping each other regardless of Gender.
I understand that as a SAHM you will be expected to do everything when he is at work as he is not physically not there however he should be pulling his weight more.

I suspect he thinks working and doing the washing up is a big help and you need to communicate with him that you do Appreciate him etc but he needs to pick up the slack when he has finished and help out more, he is not a mind reader so just talk to him. He may surprise you smile

DespicableBee Thu 21-Jan-16 12:58:16

So every week he either has 3,4 or 5 days off at home, and all he does is wash up
And you look after three children?
When do you get down time, leisure time, time to meet friends on your own, time to watch a film on your own while he takes the children to the park
Have you talked to him about how you re not happy?
It should be a shared partnership, childcare, running the house, you should both have equal free time

SashaFierce99 Thu 21-Jan-16 22:43:58

Never, Despicable. I never have time off or to myself. I haven't had a bath or read a book in 5+ years because the kids would be hammering on the door saying they're bored with him.

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