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update from being left at 31 weeks pregnant!

(24 Posts)
charleneralston26 Wed 20-Jan-16 14:57:00

hey everyone
needing a wee rant again here!
so story was ex walked out on me (33 weeks now) and my 2 year old son 2 weeks ago claiming he wasn't in love with me any more but loved me! (texting another woman behind my back) I was also always pushing him to see his son!
soo been an eventful week my ex was supposed to have my son yesterday called his phone to say I would drop him off at 12 ( had arranged for him to pick him up but I was going out so made more sense for me to drop him off) no answer so phoned his mum to say I would be down soon and she decided to tell me that he was staying at his new gf!! I've not even given birth to his daughter and he's already moved on!!!
so I just said I would wait till he came to the house and instead he showed up at 13:15 so my plans where ruined anyway I was raging!! walks in like the cat who got the cream!
so we ended up in a huge argument where he said I emotionally abused him and he was my door mat and that he's taking me to court for full custody because I am an unfit mother!!!
then today he was to have our son again at 12 and well he shows up at 12:20 aw the traffic was busy coming from ow house sorry!
I'm so angry!! he had already said nothing would happen with this girl and that he wouldn't get into any girls until after I had baby as a mark of respect to me and to try and keep the hurt and stress to minimum but no!!! it hasn't worked that way!
just so angry! I also asked him to help move my sons stuff out of the house because I don't have anyone that can help at all and he said just leave my stuff I will deal with that! so not helping pack up the house instead leaving me to do everything!

Potatoface2 Wed 20-Jan-16 15:13:16

why are you leaving the house?....leave your ex p stuff there if you are moving, let him sort it....why are you letting him in, make him wait outside....he sounds like a right git....dont believe a word he tell you!

Offred Wed 20-Jan-16 15:23:13

Don't engage.

Tell him he needs to stick to contact times. If he is late for agreed contact times go out with your son. Don't let him rule your life. Could you do drop offs/pick ups through his mother so you don't have to see him/put up with him being late?

His relationships now you have split are beyond your control. You need to let go on this, hard if you are PG but necessary.

charleneralston26 Wed 20-Jan-16 15:25:14

I'm leaving because I can't afford the mortgage and also need help and support when baby comes (live 3 flights up). so moving back to my parents is the best option as my dad is disabled an my mum is going thru cancer treatment at the end of the month so wouldn't be able to help that much and well his helping is he would take one if the kids at a time (I'm feeding so that's not gonna happen) I haven't touched his stuff I need his help packing up all the stuff for my wee boy and the stuff we had bought for baby!
he has a key to the house unfortunately we are both on the mortgage so I can't take it off him sad

Offred Wed 20-Jan-16 15:26:49

You can't take his key off him but as he has moved out he has no right to just enter the property whenever he likes. You are the sole occupier.

charleneralston26 Wed 20-Jan-16 15:30:28

I currently don't drive (can't reach the wheel with my bump) and also he took the car as he needs it for work.
I know the relationship is beyond my control I'm just very angry that he has got into a relationship with her after claiming during our relationship that they where just friends but hiding texts and stuff like that! i couldn't care less if in a few months he's moved on etc but 2 weeks after he leaves and before I give birth I mean talk about kicking you when your down!

Offred Wed 20-Jan-16 15:31:31

Yes, it's shitty and he is a shit. You are well rid.

Have you had legal advice about splitting up?

Toystory4 Wed 20-Jan-16 15:33:28

He is showing you what a complete twat he is! It should help in the long run when you realise you are completely better off without him.

Cleensheetsandbedding Wed 20-Jan-16 15:40:13

What a wanker.

I'd treat him as if he was dead to you. I wouldn't be facilitating any visits with the DC untill you have got your head together. He needs to give you space.

Fuck him now. Your well rid. Have you got friends that can come and help?

Wow what a 'prize' his OW has.

charleneralston26 Wed 20-Jan-16 15:49:47

I have went to cab regarding it he needs to write a letter to say I am not liable for any of the bills for the house.(I said I would not ask for maintenance till house is sold as he pays the bills). with regards to the kids we need to try and come to an agreement of what he sees them if we can't agree then mediation etc etc.
when I say he can't have my son mainly overnight because he's my little strength right now! he goes on about him I'm using my kids as a pawn in a game and that they will grow up to learn what a terrible mother I am!
not really most of my friends have kids and things so they try and see me once a week but I know it's difficult for them!
I honestly hope I never meet here cause I would tell her what I think of her! i don't give it long before they get bored of each other staying with her every night and work in the same place!

Cleensheetsandbedding Wed 20-Jan-16 16:03:19

You need to put visitation on the back burner and sort your own stuff out first. I know you may be hopping mad right now but seeing him and being in contact all the time over the kids will just inflame the situation as its so raw.

I'd focus on moving out, sorting my head out and getting on with the packing.

This man is a piece of shit. I wouldn't expect fuck all from him.

GruntledOne Wed 20-Jan-16 16:04:19

It should be up to him to pay the mortgage to keep a roof over your children's heads. If you want to move out anyway he should pay maintenance that covers the cost of living at your parents, probably set at figure which is similar to rent, plus maintenance for the children. Obviously if the house is sold you're entitled to at least half the proceeds.

Don't give any headspace to this unfit mother bollocks, if he seriously proposes to say that he would need to explain why he walked out leaving you with your son. He would also turn up at the right time to pick up your son.

Cleensheetsandbedding Wed 20-Jan-16 16:04:59

Yeah I can see why you would be mad at her but she doesn't owe you anything. HE owed you everything and he really shown you what he was actually like:

Shit down on the situation now. Ignore him. Sort yourself out flowers

Want2bSupermum Wed 20-Jan-16 16:16:46

Couple of things to point out.

Stop speaking to him and speak to a solicitor. Do not move out until you have spoken to a solicitor. Every single time he is late record it. Good parents are not late. He can wait outside next to the trash. It is where he belongs.

Are you sure you can't fit behind the wheel of the car? My current rental car is a toyota yaris and I have a huge bump. I put the seat back and angle the back part upright so my feet reach the pedals. I am sure that if you play with the seat you can drive it and quite frankly you should be the one with the car as the primary caregiver for the DC in winter.

Oh and he wants full custody..... doesn't he work? Don't see that working out well for him.

babyboomersrock Wed 20-Jan-16 16:16:59

he can't have my son mainly overnight because he's my little strength right now! he goes on about him I'm using my kids as a pawn

Try not to think of your son as being "strength" for you, or comfort for you, or anything along those lines or your ex will continue to accuse you of "using the kids". What your little boy needs now is stability - he needs to know you are strong for him.

I know it's hard but don't waste your energy thinking about your ex or his new woman - honestly, you'd only be adding to the drama of their situation, and they'd probably love it. Ignore them and their relationship won't feel quite so exciting.

Look after yourself and your little ones flowers

charleneralston26 Wed 20-Jan-16 16:17:13

I honestly can't put it on the back burner if he doesn't seem him he gets rude and angry and says he's taking me to court for the kids!
my love that I have for him has turned into anger and hate!! I never in my life expected him to do this especially to our children! (not that he wanted the one I'm pregnant with he told me he only got me pregnant so I would think he loved me)
I emptied mine and my sons room today I just need him to move his stuff so I can take the furniture as it was my stuff before we got together!
his parents say that he needs to get on with his life so are pushing for the house to be sold!
he has just dropped our son off there and I honestly have to bite my tongue!

Want2bSupermum Wed 20-Jan-16 16:25:10

Please go and speak to a solicitor before you move out. You need to know exactly where you stand. While you are married there have been others on MN who have had to stay in the marital home until the divorce was finalized. Don't let him dictate to you what you should be doing.

Take no notice of his drama or his parents. They are not your concern. The house does not need to be sold. He can pay the mortgage until an agreement has been reached. Nothing to do with his parents or anyone apart from your and your ex.

Cleensheetsandbedding Wed 20-Jan-16 16:29:58

Let him threaten you with court!

It will cost him a fortune and I doubt he will go down that route if he knows it's just for a break away from him.

Stop giving him so much power.

charleneralston26 Wed 20-Jan-16 16:30:01

any time I try to speak to him regarding anything he said we don't need to discuss anything! this is all he ever says!

Cleensheetsandbedding Wed 20-Jan-16 16:30:48

Totally agree with want

Calm down and go see a solicitor.

Want2bSupermum Wed 20-Jan-16 16:35:18

Fine if he won't discuss anything with you then go to a solicitor. He can discuss things with your solicitor if he doesn't want to discuss directly with you.

Also, I assume you are not working? If that is the case I think most of the time the working spouse pays the legal bills. How I see it is that you have nothing to lose really apart from 50% of the equity in your marital home. Due to you being left with 2 DC you might find the court awards more than 50% of assets to you. My parents divorced after 17 years of marriage and 3 DC. My mother was awarded 50% of the assets and none of the debt associated with the assets because she had given up her career to raise the DC. Those sorts of arrangements are not that unusual.

charleneralston26 Wed 20-Jan-16 16:41:03

oh really I might go see a solicitor yeah I am off on mat leave right now!
the cost of the solicitor as well puts me off I know they can be rather expensive!

charleneralston26 Wed 20-Jan-16 17:37:15

sorry I didn't see some of the messages on this earlier :/
with regards to driving yeah I'm only just 5ft so there is no chance of me being able to the last time I drove maybe about 2 weeks ago I couldn't reach sad yes he also works full time 30 hrs a week in his job he is night shift or starts at 2. when he asked for my son over night tonight I said no because he's not there and he said his mum would look after him but that's not why my son goes there to spend the night with his nana.
with regards to my little boy being my strength What I mean Is he is my reason for having a routine and keeps me focused on what he needs and what I need to do because I need to be the best mum for him!

Want2bSupermum Wed 20-Jan-16 18:20:59

When you compare the cost of the equity in your home to the cost of the solicitor, the solicitor starts to look cheap.

Also, are there other assets you need to think of. Namely, pension and car. They are 50/50.....

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