Inconsistent parenting causing difference of opinions

[mrsmattczuchry]

I sometimes undermine DH when it comes to discipline. I know the problems with this. I need to work on it. Partly it's because i sometimes think he has been too stern. Usually it's minor but this seemed more significant.

If your child was playing up - big time - and your DH had lost his cool, was telling him to go somewhere we all needed to go and in the end shoved him that way, how would you react?

I said not to push him, and took over the situation. I thought the occasion warranted it.

I know what its like to lose your cool with young children, we all do it. But I would be grateful for somene else to step in and would reflect on how I had managed the situation badly. DH felt undermined.

[Marchate]

It's reasonable and sensible to stop the other parent pushing a child

That doesn't count as undermining

[Joysmum]

My reaction was to instruct my DD to leave the situation and then have a quiet word with DH.

[mrsmattczuchry]

Joysmum, that's probably what I need to do more.

[mrsmattczuchry]

Anyone else please? I'm not brave enough for AIBU!!

[Eminado]

We say "tag" as a way of saying "i think this is getting too heated, take a break and i will take over" and then we discuss it later.

I think you were right to intervene in the pushing.

[Joysmum]

Eminado that's a great idea.

[Eminado]

Awww thanks Joys

OP i think you need to tell your DH that in this case it was not undermining because "shoving" is not an acceptable parenting method for either of you to use.

[schlong]

Shoving is out of order and if you hadn't called him out on it your ds would've thought this normal. You so didn't handle the situ badly - your h did.

[mrsmattczuchry]

I was appalled at the shoving.

It happened again in similar circs. I spoke to him about it since in the context of his anger management and when he didn't get it I ended up telling him it was abusive and wasn't to happen again.

Wondered if I overeacted.

[Eminado]

"Happened again"

"Anger management"


You need to keep this person away from your child.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Your hubby is at fault - changing over in these situations is not failure on either of you - sometimes a difference face can resolve rather than escalate.

[schlong]

How old is your ds? Your h is undermining himself with these infantile, hot headed gestures and if your son's little I'm afraid the violence could escalate as he grows up. Look after your ds.